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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Last child free weekend ever and husband wants his mates over - AIBU to fume?

203 replies

Libbylove2015 · 22/06/2017 09:44

Please let rip if you think I am being unreasonable – I really am struggling to see the wood from the trees in my pregnancy hormone-addled state.

I am 35weeks pregnant with our first, due on 30th July. Unfortunately July is looking quite packed in terms of social engagements – we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc. He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I am absolutely fuming. My reasoning is this: that weekend is literally the last child-free weekend of our lives which we have the opportunity to enjoy together. Admittedly we are not flush at the moment so although I would have liked a weekend babymoon, we may not have been able to go anywhere to stay. But we haven’t spent much quality time together lately and I was hoping to spend the weekend (maybe a day trip or meal out) before we become ships in the night when the baby is born (his words not mine). I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care – he is more worried that he won’t see his friend for ages.

I am just so sad that he doesn’t see this last weekend as a precious opportunity to be a couple before the baby is born. Instead, I will have to spend it watching them drinking and being excluded from my own living room (unless I want to watch them playing video games or watch their action movies on maximum volume) when in the evening I don’t have the energy to do much else but sit on the sofa. Also, I don’t really want guests in the house at the moment – I am massive, tired, lazy, spotty - my flatulence is virtually uncontrollable (!) only my scruffy, faded leggings fit me and I just don’t want people in my face!

I have been fuming since last night and have been on the cusp of telling him exactly how I feel – should I? AIBU?

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 22/06/2017 10:45

Op, do your friends come to stay ?

coconutpie · 22/06/2017 10:46

YANBU. I would tell 'D'H that this friend visiting is not an option and if he wants to see him, they can go to friend's house but I would also be telling him how bloody selfish he is being. You are heavily pregnant. The LEAST your husband could do is put you first instead of himself for once.

twilightcafe · 22/06/2017 10:47

Nope. Not a chance.
I would book myself into the nicest hotel I could afford. And do nothing except sleep, read, order room service and the occasional swim.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 22/06/2017 10:50

I think it's different at a wedding or meeting people in public - you can slink off and have me time and go home. When you have another person in the house you can't completely relax.

I used to waddle around nude when 36 weeks pregnant because bump made everything so stretchy - but OP can't do that.

OP might struggle sleeping next to DH and might want to use the guest room - but she couldn't do that.

I think it's quite insensitive of DH to be honest.

Hissy · 22/06/2017 10:50

The issue is not the visit, it is that DP asked, OP said she'd rather this guy didn't come and DP invited him anyway.

OP, it ISNT the end of the world that this guy comes, but the issue is that you said what you wanted to happen and were completely ignored.

I would point out that, as you may go into early labour, you need him to remain sober enough to drive at all points from 36 weeks onwards. So you are very happy for friend to come over but unfortunately, he won't be able to drink.

^THIS! its vital you get this across

MoominFlaps · 22/06/2017 10:53

YANBU OP.

Of course life doesn't END when you have a child but it's not the same - it changes. I love my 16 month old to bits and wouldn't be without him for anything but I do quite frequently still feel in mourning for my old life.

livefornaps · 22/06/2017 10:53

Why can't he go to his mate's bloody house, why does it always have to be at your place?

(I'm betting it's because the mate has kids...)

Tell him that that weekend he is to leave you the place sparkling clean with all your fave movies bubblebath etc all stocked up. Clean towels & dressing gown available. He is to bring you breakfast in bed before he ships out to his friend's hovel & is to leave you in peace for the weekend. Not a whisper of complaint about a hangover on his return! Then you can have a nice pampering weekend to yourself in your own home & order dinner from deliveroo or something.

Congrats for the baby!

QueenOfRubovia · 22/06/2017 10:54

I never even thought of things like my "last child free weekend" when pregnant with my pfb!

This was my exact first thought.
I agree with the minority, that spending time with friends is important too. It may well be the last time for a long time that the DH has the opportunity to have his mate over for a bonding session. (I use the term with tongue in cheek) Perhaps that's how he sees it - maybe it's a big deal for him.

Unless I'm really out of the loop and 'last child-free weekend of our lives' has become a 'thing'

Underthemoonlight · 22/06/2017 10:56

You will be socialising at the wedding together. I don't see the issue as your already spending time together. It's not as if he's working away and coming back that one weekend.

WateryTart · 22/06/2017 10:56

You sound so judgemental and up your own arse. Socialising and having a drink doesn't make it ugly or pathetic. People could argue you living in each other's pockets and not having friends pathetic.

We have loads of friends and socialise lots, our friends don't get drunk either. You don't have to be drunk to socialise, strange that you think you do.

TheWeeWitch · 22/06/2017 10:59

He's a bit of an arse for going ahead when you said no, but I agree with some of the PP. Let him have one last night with his mate and ship yourself off for a spa day/night/weekend. It's not the same as spending the time as a couple, but taking each taking time for yourselves is perhaps just as valuable at this point.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/06/2017 11:01

I can just imagine the AIBU in a couple of months time. AIBU to tell DH that his mate cannot come over because we have a newborn. And people will be rushing to say that of course you are not, that he's a dad now and should have done all this before the baby was born.

It'll be a thread, I'm telling ya Grin

Op what will you say to him if he puts his mate off now but then "asks" if he can have him over to his own house when the baby is a few weeks old? Serious question by the way, not having a go, just curious.

It'll be a thread, I'm telling ya Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/06/2017 11:01

Why can't he go to his friends, not drink too much and come home? Ie one evening as opposed to the whole weekend.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/06/2017 11:02

Damn you copy and paste!

Ecureuil · 22/06/2017 11:02

Did you get drunk before children WateryTart? Was it not ugly and pathetic then?

Original poster
Libbylove2015 · 22/06/2017 11:02

Northernparent68 yes I do have a close friend who has stayed while I have been pregnant, but I haven't arranged anything for July and obviously we haven't been drinking when she does.

livefornaps his friend is living with his parents at the moment while he saves up for his own house, so it is always at ours. I honestly don't mind normally, just this weekend!

Should point out that OH is actually lovely and this is an isolated incident. I have no doubt he will be an excellent parent in general.

Thanks for all the posts, both views are useful to hear.

OP posts:
diddl · 22/06/2017 11:06

I don't get the "last weekend together" angle of it.

But if you don't want them both pissed/pushing you to another room, then fair enough imo.

What do you usually do when the friend stays?

WateryTart · 22/06/2017 11:06

Did you get drunk before children WateryTart? Was it not ugly and pathetic then?

It certainly was but we were students, sort of a right of passage before adulthood. We do drink just don't get drunk.

skyzumarubble · 22/06/2017 11:12

I think YABU a bit, sorry! Tell them to go somewhere else, he is BU in that aspect but spending your last child free weekend together forever is a bit over dramatic. It never occured to me to think about last weekend with DH before the kids arrived.

livefornaps · 22/06/2017 11:14

Oh...so the mate doesn't have children, he's the....child.

Only joking, I know loads of people have to do this if buying a place is important to them. It does make socializing a pain in the are though, especially if the old reliable mates have to keep inviting you over for grown up sleepovers...! Could they not do something during the day? Grasping at straws a bit here. All I can say is the minute this mate gets his own place, the onus is on him to "entertain" round at his.

Plus would other posters stop taking swipes out of one another about what's drunk and is it ugly etc., that isn't why op started this thread and the poor bloody woman can't even enjoy a drink herself at the minute...! Lay off.

WomblingThree · 22/06/2017 11:27

To be fair, you don't have to go to weddings. If you are so tired, massive and slobby that only a pair of grungy leggings fit, then you aren't exactly going to have a great time are you? I'm guessing your DP is seeing that you can make an effort to socialise with other people, but you want him to do what he's told.

The only reason it's your "last weekend" is because you've said it is. I can't imagine why you'd want to go to weddings or whatever at 38-39 weeks pregnant.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 22/06/2017 11:29

It doesn't matter if posters feel the OP is being dramatic about the last child free weekend in peace, the point is she wants (not what other posters want or did) she wants to spend this weekend in peace with no drunk guest and is the last chance to do so for a good while. There is nothing wrong with that and the DH has been totally selfish and ignorant as he asked the question and did it anyway. How rude and disrespectful. Why even bother asking.

Tell him tonight OP, "I was trying to put it politely when I said I'd rather not but as you didn't listen and felt you could completely ignore me, I'm telling you straight NO, I want some time with you and some bloody peace to relax in, why don't you get that or is your friend's wishes more important than mine in my own home?"

LightDrizzle · 22/06/2017 11:30

Did your OH make up the guest bed for your friend and cook dinner for you both?

If he cancels now, it will be a sour weekend anyway. Assuming friend comes, don't say you aren't lifting a finger, just don't. No making the bed up, no reminders. Ask them to keep the volume down or park your enormous self on the sofa and tell them what you do and don't fancy watching. It's not the friend's fault, so be affable to him but if he asks if you're okay with him staying then tell the truth: you are heavy, exhausted, uncomfortable and told your OH you wanted a last weekend chilling together, but he went ahead and invited him anyway, which you appreciate isn't his fault.

I hope he is more considerate after the baby arrives, no invites without a yes from both of you, whoever the guest is.

rightwhine · 22/06/2017 11:37

I'm telling you straight NO, I want some time with you and some bloody peace to relax in, why don't you get that or is your friend's wishes more important than mine in my own home?"

You do realise that the dh has a right to some wishes too? It does seem a bit hypocritical that you aren't up for letting dh socialise with his mate but you will be up for the other socialising in your diary.

Op the compromise is maybe that they go out for the night to leave you in peace to watch the telly. Maybe he could sleep over if it's too far to get back to his parents but they need to respect that you don't want noise and chaos reigning when you are at this point in the pregnancy and be mindful of this.

rightwhine · 22/06/2017 11:40

Sorry I do realise it wasn't the op who said that quote..
It should have been a new paragraph after the first sentence.