Last child free weekend ever and husband wants his mates over - AIBU to fume?

[Libbylove2015]

Please let rip if you think I am being unreasonable – I really am struggling to see the wood from the trees in my pregnancy hormone-addled state.

I am 35weeks pregnant with our first, due on 30th July. Unfortunately July is looking quite packed in terms of social engagements – we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc. He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I am absolutely fuming. My reasoning is this: that weekend is literally the last child-free weekend of our lives which we have the opportunity to enjoy together. Admittedly we are not flush at the moment so although I would have liked a weekend babymoon, we may not have been able to go anywhere to stay. But we haven’t spent much quality time together lately and I was hoping to spend the weekend (maybe a day trip or meal out) before we become ships in the night when the baby is born (his words not mine). I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care – he is more worried that he won’t see his friend for ages.

I am just so sad that he doesn’t see this last weekend as a precious opportunity to be a couple before the baby is born. Instead, I will have to spend it watching them drinking and being excluded from my own living room (unless I want to watch them playing video games or watch their action movies on maximum volume) when in the evening I don’t have the energy to do much else but sit on the sofa. Also, I don’t really want guests in the house at the moment – I am massive, tired, lazy, spotty - my flatulence is virtually uncontrollable (!) only my scruffy, faded leggings fit me and I just don’t want people in my face!

I have been fuming since last night and have been on the cusp of telling him exactly how I feel – should I? AIBU?

I don't really get it, why are weekends the only time you spend together?

I think he sees it as his last weekend to have a piss up with his mates before the baby is born and I am inclined to agree with Rightwhine. However I would be inclined to tell the mate to stay in a B&B or something. I can understand that you want peace and quiet on your only free weekend before the baby comes.

Haven't been drunk since before I was pregnant, neither has DH. It's unattractive and childish. A few drinks and socialising is fine. Drunk is ugly and pathetic

Ah beautiful, made my feels all fluffy there. Can imagine the tone you used in your head to write that and everything

Yanbu for not wishing to host guests at this time, or for wanting to spend time alone with your DH.

He could easily both see his friend and spend time with you that weekend, eg by him and his friend meeting up elsewhere for an evening or few hours in the day. They could do gaming at friend's parents house.

I would not have wanted to be regularly hosting anyone with a newborn, especially if they and DH were drinking while I parented. Occasionally, fair enough, monthly - no.

Can I ask, what did you actually say to him when he asked? Did you say "Well it would be nice for it just to be us this weekend, really..."
or did you say
"No, DH I'm sorry but I don't want him coming over this weekend."

I always used to say the former type of thing but it often resulted in the outcome I didn't want and hence arguments and ill feeling. Once I started using option 2 (when I really did have a firm wish), it worked out much better and DH wasn't pissed off or anything. He just wanted to me to be clear on what I wanted as he said he couldn't gauge from option 1 whether I was going to be mildly annoyed or goddamn furious if he didn't choose my preference.

I guess I'm slightly on the YABU side, with the benefit of viewing from the other side of the first baby fence. Yes it's rarely the two of us (but we still do manage meals / cinema / days out alone every couple of months since DD was 4 months old), but when it's the three of us it's amazing. So I don't really mourn the reduced "just the two of us" time in the way I thought I would before DD came along because times as a family are so lovely (lots are crazy chaotic and awful but there are tons of great times too!).

What has changed is DH's socialising with friends, so actually I would say the opportunity for a 'last' meet up like this is perhaps more... not important, but that's what's going to change. DH does still socialise with his friends but it doesn't happen spontaneously any more, and they don't do the 'come over to mine and we'll have some beers and pizza and play xbox' any more. One bonus of letting him have this weekend is you get a chance to push the "ahh, one last weekend at our's eh, DHfriend, you'll miss this won't you!" to make them realise this probably isn't going to be on the cards for a while after baby arrives. Once they're old enough and you're ready for a break though I'd say leave the men to look after baby all weekend while you swan off!

I know you don't want guests in your house at the moment - I felt like that too when I was heavily pregnant (although we did end up having people over). But I do agree with pp - let him have this time with his friend. It sounds like this could be their last chance for a drunken movie night for a long while especially as the friend doesn't have his own place. We have a five month old and our social life hasn't stopped as much as I thought it would by the way, and I don't feel like my DH and I are 'ships passing in the night' - can you get to the bottom of why your DH said that as I think this may have made you put more importance on your 'last child free weekend' than needs be.

Perhaps the friend's parents would love to host two adults for a night of boozing, action movies, thus supporting their DS's bromance!

Yes me and DH spend much more time together now we have DD than before, I would say. Especially during paternity leave. We were lucky enough that DD was pretty easy going in the first few weeks despite BF problems and spending all that time together working everything out was lovely.

Sorry your op is so dramatic that I can't help but think you are being a bit selfish of your husband who acknowledges your lives will change after the birth as well. It doesn't sound like he's someone who goes out drinking every night. There are threads here all the time from women whose selfish partners are going on a stag weekend when they're 38 weeks pregnant and don't get why the woman would be upset.

As long as your dh buys the food / drink and tidies up after his friend I can't see how you can object.

Baby Moon? A last precious opportunity to be a couple? Sorry I can't get past your emotional language. I suppose I must be mean and unromantic but dh worked long hours before birth of dd1 as he' was self employed and we didn't get the luxury of spending any time together. This didn't bother me as I cared more about spending time with him after the baby was born and he took lots of time off.

YANBU and I feel sorry that he wants to do this and not be with you.
I'd either go to a friends or put foot down and say no way.
He sounds a bit immature to be a father, and I'd be worried about this.

Tell oh that you're going to be on the sofa being waited on by them, watching rom coms, that he will be cooking, making up the guest bedroom and getting breakfast for all of you in the morning. No loud noises.

They could take a laptop into the spare room and play stupid games in there, but tea and biscuits every hour is required.

Those are your terms.

Honestly? I think you're being a bit of a diva.

Of course you're hormonal and over-emotional at the moment, but step back a second and look at it logically. You've got lots of nice stuff in the diary that you'll be doing with your partner. It's not like it's the last time you'll see him before you give birth. The liklihood of you going into labour when your partner is drinking with his friend is absolutely tiny, and the chances of you delivering quickly while he's out or drunk are even tinier (believe me, I assess women in labour all the time. First time mums barely ever deliver quickly and unexpectedly).

How about going for a compromise: the frined comes over adn he adn your partner go out for the eneving - you get to slob in your PJs while they get to drink themselves silly. You go to bed before they stagger home, then in the morning you can enjoy clattering round them while they groan with hangover.

Your life doesn't end when you have kids adn you'll see your partner plenty. what you won't get is any time to yourself once the baby is here, so use the evening that your partner is out to enjoy your own company, and maybe go get a pregnancy massage or something the next morning.

I think you should have a false alarm about 6pm

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc

Why?!! WHY do women choose to behave like 'good little wifey' like this?
It isn't romantic.
All it does is enable men to become lazy, inconsiderate arses who would never even think about doing the same for you.
How often does he take on the mental and physical load when it's your friends?

It's no bloody wonder he cares more about his piss up with his mate than how you feel - you enable that kind of selfishness in him.
As for not seeing his mate again in ages......ha! Don't be naive!
I can already see him using the 'i need 'me' time' as justification to carry on these monthly piss ups.

I am 36 weeks pregnant. My husband dragged me to a wedding at the opposite end of the country a couple of weeks ago. Four hour drive each way. I was so angry with him in the weeks leading up to the wedding (i was even more unreasonable as I had agreed to go months before, I just didn't want to when the time came) I genuinely thought our marriage was in trouble.

The weekend came and went, we had a laugh, all is well. I'm glad we went.

Keep it in perspective, OP. You won't even remember this in a couple of months. Also, this is my second pregnancy and I can promise you that you and your husband won't be "passing ships" with a newborn. If anything, we found we spent more time together.

I would do as pp suggested. Park yourself comfortably on the sofa, make no preparations, and let them work around that.

Why?!! WHY do women choose to behave like 'good little wifey' like this?
It isn't romantic.
All it does is enable men to become lazy, inconsiderate arses who would never even think about doing the same for you.
How often does he take on the mental and physical load when it's your friends?

That's an unfair generalisation. I do nice things for my husband and he does nice things for me. I'd cook dinner and tidy the house and deal with toddler DD when his friends are over and he would do (and has done) the same for me.

Ah beautiful, made my feels all fluffy there. Can imagine the tone you used in your head to write that and everything

It was the tone of a woman who has had to deal with 2 alcoholic family members for 40 years. One of whom finally drank himself to death leaving his wife to bring up their kids alone, the other of whom is currently sober but who knows? 'Scuse me if I don't have much time for those who can't control themselves.

I'm telling you straight NO, I want some time with you and some bloody peace to relax in

Yes. I've found people respond exceptionally well to this sort of straight talk.

Not really. How could either party enjoy the 'last weekend' after such a tirade? It would be forever tinged with a sour memory.
Oh dear. I think I've caught the dramatics off of this thread.

I would pack them off to his friends place so you could relax in peace.
Then I would be reminding him that he should remain sober for the rest of the events you have to attend as you could go into labour at any time (unfortunately) yes it also means you could be overdue. However, you don't have a crystal ball and it's better to be prepared and have nothing happen than to be headless chickens in a shit show if you do go into labour.

Make sure you have your hospital bag packed and take it everywhere with you in that month, along with your antenatal notes.

YANBU and I feel sorry that he wants to do this and not be with you.

I am an individual and both my DH and I have lives that are enhanced by things and people that don't involve each other. This sentiment is totally alien to me.

OMG why on earth are you having a baby ....you already have a child ....good luck with the baby ..... tell him his friend can come over a baby sit whenever - your lives are going to change and I mean different planet (I am the mother of twins so I am being a bit dramatic ....but not all together).

You have a man child..

Op what do you think your Dh's reaction will be if you follow some of the suggestions and agree to him staying over but they compromise and do everything themselves and/or go out and let you hog the tv and sofa?

Will he be ok with this or will he go off on one?

I think yabu. Your life isn't going to end when the baby comes, you still have a few weeks, let him have his night