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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Last child free weekend ever and husband wants his mates over - AIBU to fume?

203 replies

Libbylove2015 · 22/06/2017 09:44

Please let rip if you think I am being unreasonable – I really am struggling to see the wood from the trees in my pregnancy hormone-addled state.

I am 35weeks pregnant with our first, due on 30th July. Unfortunately July is looking quite packed in terms of social engagements – we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc. He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I am absolutely fuming. My reasoning is this: that weekend is literally the last child-free weekend of our lives which we have the opportunity to enjoy together. Admittedly we are not flush at the moment so although I would have liked a weekend babymoon, we may not have been able to go anywhere to stay. But we haven’t spent much quality time together lately and I was hoping to spend the weekend (maybe a day trip or meal out) before we become ships in the night when the baby is born (his words not mine). I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care – he is more worried that he won’t see his friend for ages.

I am just so sad that he doesn’t see this last weekend as a precious opportunity to be a couple before the baby is born. Instead, I will have to spend it watching them drinking and being excluded from my own living room (unless I want to watch them playing video games or watch their action movies on maximum volume) when in the evening I don’t have the energy to do much else but sit on the sofa. Also, I don’t really want guests in the house at the moment – I am massive, tired, lazy, spotty - my flatulence is virtually uncontrollable (!) only my scruffy, faded leggings fit me and I just don’t want people in my face!

I have been fuming since last night and have been on the cusp of telling him exactly how I feel – should I? AIBU?

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 22/06/2017 10:21

I actually think YABU.

You say yourself your social diary is full so it's not like you don't feel well enough or anything. Your life won't stop once you have baby (wtf is this babymoon lark), you will still have plenty of couple time and to be honest, it's much better he sees his mate before the baby arrives because believe me, that will piss you off even more.

Let him have his night with his mate, you're having a baby, not flying off to the moon smile

This ^ I am too going against the grain too. You are already socialising together throughout July. I think it's pretty healthily to be doing things seperately aswell as a couple. What are you going to be like when the baby is here? We rarely get time together to go out as we have relie on baby sitters so we value it when we do but we also make sure each other gets the opportunity to socialise with our friends and I fully appreciate being able to have time away from my DC and just be me for the night not mum.

ems137 · 22/06/2017 10:22

I'm 39 weeks pregnant with my 4th and I don't even want guests here for longer than a couple of hours. I just can't be arsed making the effort. If DH wants to see his friends, he's been going to their homes a lot more (not far away though). He almost invited his cousin to stay the night 2 weeks ago and I'm so glad he could tell by the look on my face not to bloody bother!

Ecureuil · 22/06/2017 10:22

I agree with BettySwollocks and rightwhine. I think it's one of those things that feels like a bigger issue in your head than it really is.
From what I remember, DH and I saw as much as possible of our friends towards the end of pregnancy as we thought it might be the last time for a while! Far better DH sees him now than when you have a newborn.
FWIW I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and no childcare, but we still have plenty of quality time together.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/06/2017 10:22

But fizzy she can't pull the pregnant tired card because she has admitted their social diary is full.

5BlueHydrangea · 22/06/2017 10:23

Can he not go to his friends house if he is so desperate to see him? Then you can blob around in peace..

StormTreader · 22/06/2017 10:24

Why cant he go to his friends place instead of them being at yours?

WateryTart · 22/06/2017 10:25

Tell him it's time to grow up and stop getting drunk with his chums. He'll be a father soon, adult time.

Believeitornot · 22/06/2017 10:26

You could cancel other social engagements.

But as for the specific point - that your DH ignored your wishes and views then def YANBU

HateSummer · 22/06/2017 10:26

I never even thought of things like my "last child free weekend" when pregnant with my pfb! Talk about over planning. Maybe I'm not as organised as some people!

sadie9 · 22/06/2017 10:26

It's just one night, is it? If not then ask that it be just one night, and they can get a takeaway. In reality it's just one night isn't it? It seems a bit harsh to not let the friend stay the one night.
And he's not having his mates over, it's one friend who stays the night? I'd let him have the friend over. You might go overdue by another two weeks (a lot of first babies are overdue) and not actually have the baby till 12th August...

Underthemoonlight · 22/06/2017 10:26

WateryTart

Tell him it's time to grow up and stop getting drunk with his chums. He'll be a father soon, adult time.

So when you come a parent your no longer allow to socialise with friends or have alcohol?

blueskyinmarch · 22/06/2017 10:28

I don’t think he is being too unreasonable. From his point of view the might be the last time for a while that his friend come over and they can have a movie/drinks night? Just an alternative view.

Ecureuil · 22/06/2017 10:28

Tell him it's time to grow up and stop getting drunk with his chums. He'll be a father soon, adult time

What?! I have a 3 and 1 (nearly 2) year old. DH and I still get drunk with our chums sometimes! I didn't realise you had to become teetotal and eschew all your friendships as soon as you became a parent.
We take it in turns to go out with our friends for a few drinks. Or we have friends over to ours after the kids are in bed and share a couple of bottles of wine. I didn't realise I was being immature and needed to grow up!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/06/2017 10:28

Tell him to spend the evening at his mates house, that's a fair compromise.

Underthemoonlight · 22/06/2017 10:30

Tell him to spend the evening at his mates house, that's a fair compromise.

Op wants her dp to herself not wanting him to go to his friends or have them over.

WateryTart · 22/06/2017 10:30

So when you come a parent your no longer allow to socialise with friends or have alcohol?

Haven't been drunk since before I was pregnant, neither has DH. It's unattractive and childish. A few drinks and socialising is fine. Drunk is ugly and pathetic.

Ecureuil · 22/06/2017 10:34

Haven't been drunk since before I was pregnant, neither has DH. It's unattractive and childish. A few drinks and socialising is fine. Drunk is ugly and pathetic

Gosh. I had a few too many when out with an old uni friend before Christmas. Didn't realise I was being ugly and pathetic.

Underthemoonlight · 22/06/2017 10:35

Haven't been drunk since before I was pregnant, neither has DH. It's unattractive and childish. A few drinks and socialising is fine. Drunk is ugly and pathetic.

You sound so judgemental and up your own arse. Socialising and having a drink doesn't make it ugly or pathetic. People could argue you living in each other's pockets and not having friends pathetic.

cantkeepawayforever · 22/06/2017 10:37

I would point out that, as you may go into early labour, you need him to remain sober enough to drive at all points from 36 weeks onwards. So you are very happy for friend to come over but unfortunately he won't be able to drink.

If he is not willing to do that for you, then he will have to go out with his friend, because you will have to have a sober driver with you at home, so you are inviting a friend / your mum or whoever over while your DH is out and until he is once more sober enough to drive.

DH was, unavoidably, abroad until I was 37 weeks. For week 36, my mum came to stay, as it was 15 miles to the nearest hospital and i needed a driver available.

In the event, DS showed up 5 days late, but that is the risk you run...

SaS2014 · 22/06/2017 10:39

YANBU not at all. I quite honestly would let rip and make him crystal clear on how you feel and the fact that he is clearly being a thoughtless selfish arse on this occasion!
I'd be livid if mine tried that!

TheWhiteRoseOfYork · 22/06/2017 10:39

From what you have said though I don't think he sees it as his last chance to see his mate. I think he intends to carry on his own sweet way after the baby is born, leaving you holding the baby. He has already demonstrated that he disregards your opinions by asking you then inviting his friend anyway. What makes you think he won't continue to do this once the bay is born? I think you both need a serious talk about how you both perceive parenthood to be.

Bumpsadaisie · 22/06/2017 10:40

Of course tell him.

You don't have to rant, just say I'm disappointed as I really wanted to be able to spend this last time with you, together.

newbian · 22/06/2017 10:41

He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

Next time don't say "I would rather not" say NO.

I promise this friend is not going to be coming over for drunken movie sleepovers for months if not years after the baby is born. I'd take the opportunity to veg out alone in another room of the house and enjoy the time to myself honestly. You'll have plenty of time with your husband down the line but genuine alone time is something I desperately miss from pre-children days.

Original poster
Libbylove2015 · 22/06/2017 10:43

Our social calendar is full but tbh it is with unavoidable things that we cannot really move or cancel whether we wanted to or not - like weddings.

OP posts:
Syc4moreTrees · 22/06/2017 10:45

I'm another one in the YABU camp i'm afraid. Sorry!

I sort of think you are maybe being a bit unreasonable about the baby ending your time together. You're going to be together enjoying your new little one, you'll see him all the other weekends and in the evenings, and you have a nice wedding to go to together. I don't think he's unreasonable to want to see his pal before the baby comes.

It's his free time pre-baby too, and unless you're going to tell us he's also just a massive twat, I don't think I would condemn him for an overnight stay with his friend. I would probably remind him that drinking is a bad plan in case you go early, but otherwise let him have his fun and then saddle him with nappy duty and night feeds forevermore Grin

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