Last child free weekend ever and husband wants his mates over - AIBU to fume?

[Libbylove2015]

Please let rip if you think I am being unreasonable – I really am struggling to see the wood from the trees in my pregnancy hormone-addled state.

I am 35weeks pregnant with our first, due on 30th July. Unfortunately July is looking quite packed in terms of social engagements – we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc. He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I am absolutely fuming. My reasoning is this: that weekend is literally the last child-free weekend of our lives which we have the opportunity to enjoy together. Admittedly we are not flush at the moment so although I would have liked a weekend babymoon, we may not have been able to go anywhere to stay. But we haven’t spent much quality time together lately and I was hoping to spend the weekend (maybe a day trip or meal out) before we become ships in the night when the baby is born (his words not mine). I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care – he is more worried that he won’t see his friend for ages.

I am just so sad that he doesn’t see this last weekend as a precious opportunity to be a couple before the baby is born. Instead, I will have to spend it watching them drinking and being excluded from my own living room (unless I want to watch them playing video games or watch their action movies on maximum volume) when in the evening I don’t have the energy to do much else but sit on the sofa. Also, I don’t really want guests in the house at the moment – I am massive, tired, lazy, spotty - my flatulence is virtually uncontrollable (!) only my scruffy, faded leggings fit me and I just don’t want people in my face!

I have been fuming since last night and have been on the cusp of telling him exactly how I feel – should I? AIBU?

Tell DH that he and his friend have to go over to the friend's house to do their bro thing. Then you can relax alone in your quiet house, do a little pampering and indulging of your own, or have a girlfriend round to chill with you.

The thing I missed when my first baby came wasn't time with my partner -- it was time by myself. My advice is to kick the man-children out of your house for the evening (blame those pregrnancy hormones...) and have a night to yourself. Having his plans disrupted will also send a message to your husband about asking you whether something is ok and then doing it anyway when you say no. That's not cool.

There's two things here. You explained how you felt and completely over ruled you. That's not on
On the other hand, his friend is unlikely to be staying over and doing this again any time soon, whereas you will have lots of evenings in just the two of you.

Glad it's all worked out OP.
I would say that I think it can be more difficult for men to get their heads around the change- our bodies and hormones are changed like never before over a period of nine months and while they witness it, they can't experience it. Don't be too hard on him.

My husband's best friend stayed over the weekend I was 37 weeks as he was moving to Australia. They both had quite a lot to drink. Low and behold my waters broke and I had to drive myself to the hospital, dropping drunk friend at home on the way at 3am. Husband was drunk at the hospital!

Fwiw I do think you are over reacting- having a baby isn't the end of your life as a couple - if it's that big a deal to you commit to having child free time regularly once the baby arrives. Babies don't arrive to order so it may not be your last weekend together anyway & you'll end up ruining both your weekends as he'll feel he's missing out on time with his mate and I very much doubt it will live up to your babymoon "last childless weekend " expectations- and who knows baby could have even arrived by then!!

And I think the NHS doesn't really get the message over we'll to most about 'due date'! It's a 3 week window, 2 of which are after the date they quote!!! Enjoy your weekend OP and you might get a couple of bonus ones before baby arrives...

I think once a month for a friend to stay over and get drunk is too much when you are married and starting a young family anyway. Your DH needs to grow up.

Time he grew up. He is about to become a dad so whilst friends are important, you should come first.I am not you, and you best understand your relationship, but I would ask him to phone his friend and cancel. Say you are happy to be the hormonal villainess if he wants... but you want him all to yourselfbefore the baby comes.

CheryVole - or should it be VILE?? WHAT A HORRIBLE VINDICTIVE thing to say! She's pregnant and hormonal. No need to be rude.

OP, I do think you sound a bit of a diva. Your baby might not arrive until a couple of weeks after your due date and presumably you will be starting mat leave fairly soon so will get some rest in the week even though you are going out most weekends. My DH had two weeks abroad with a friend about 6 weeks before DC was due, we were out on the evening of my due date and 10 days later (still no baby!). The way your are expressing yourself will lead your DH to think all fun is about to end and he is in for a life of drudge.

It's a classic case of "I'm the first woman to ever carry a baby"

You will have loads and loads of nights in with you and your DH when baby arrives. Loads.

Complete douche bag behaviour ! Get him told !!! X

Some of you are such high maintenance people.

You are so NOT being unreasonable. I remember our last time when it was just the two of us before our first son was born as clear as if it was yesterday even if it was around 28 years ago! We did not have much money but we went to the local chinese for the set lunch followed by a trip to the cinema to see Roger Rabbit which had just been released. I know this does not sound like much but to us it was a special day just for us which I will never forget. I hope you can resolve this with you husband, as us time is not so easy to have once baby is born. I wish you all the best and many congratulations on the birth of your first child. I have just become a Grandmother and loving every minute of it.

YANBU. at all. he is acting very selfish and childish. and anyway, what's with this habit? the monthly getting drunk and playing videogames would be perfectly fine if he were a teenager. but he's an adult who'll soon have a child to care for.
the house is also yours. so in this situation you'd be perfectly right to tell your husband that his friend is not allowed to come to your house that week-end. and you'd be perfectly right to make your stance known to the friend as well (who seems a bit inconsiderate anyway, to invite himself over to the house of a 9-month pregnant woman)

You are not being unreasonable and i feel your pain but just let him have this one last night with his pal but make it clear that it will have to stop once babys here. Your life will definately not stop once baby comes but you will be exhausted for the first few months and theres no way i wouldve entertained my DP and his friend in those early days. Or even now for that matter and my DCs are nearly 4 and nearly 2!!!
Get yourself some nice pig out food and take to your bedroom for some "me" time. As someone else said, thats what you'll miss the most when the baby comes.

my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway
When he asked you about his mate coming, why didn't you just say NO rather than saying I'D RATHER NOT.

I do not understand why some people don't just say what they mean.

You meant NO so why didn't you just say NO???

Can totally see your point of view but I would let him have his night with his mate - no way though would I leave the house.

Why not say 'look, I am huge, I am angry, I want to lie on my sofa and watch TV and wonder if I will ever reach my toes again. If you must see him go out in town somewhere.'

It might be the last chance you get for a very long time to be totally alone! (Those times are possible when you have kids but its like being alone in a taxi... there is a meter running for childcare costs or a friend doing a favour so its not totally carefree).

x

he ''didn't realise how much it meant to me - why didn't I say?'
I have only just read this update and TBH I had a feeling your DH would say this.

Men need direct words and you didn't say NO to his mate coming.

Don't hint and suggest what you want him to do or say in future, just say it straight.

With the possibility of your little one arriving early, drinking should be 'off the cards' if he is a responsible person.
To say this will be the last 'child free weekend' is also being a bit dramatic.
DP and friend get drunk every month or so, so it is hardly a 'long lost relative' scenario, somewhat childish in attitude compared to the significant changes about to happen.

I don't think you're being unreasonable and he was wrong to go ahead and invite his friend despite your answer . Considering this person visits once a month, I'm sure he would've understood if your husband had said no, to this one time. That said, perhaps have a spa day out and try and relax instead of staying home and becoming more irritated and upset by them.

You shouldn't be bringing children into this world with this man. You have to be responsible for your own decisions. Presumably you have decided to live your life with him so you will have to make the best of it.