To be upset that we're excluded from this family event?

[allfurcoatandnoknickers1]

Hi
I'm a little upset and need to know whether I'm overreacting or not.
Every year my younger sister, who lives about an hour away from us, throws a party from home for her daughter. Invited to this event are all her partners family, as they live very close by. And our older sister with her family, who lives a good couple of hours away from them.
Not once have they invited me and my husband and our children. I only ever find out about these birthday parties via Facebook AFTER they have happened when a guest says something like 'see you at the party later on'. Usually I don't allow it to bother me and I've never said that I know but this year things are a little different. My sister and her partner have asked if they can come and visit us on Friday and stay overnight, the day before my nieces birthday. Of course, I said yes and that it would be lovely to have them. Plus it gives me the chance to hand over her 5th birthday presents in person for once.
They then mentioned that they would have to be away quite early on Saturday morning and when I queried what time they wanted to be on the road for and why, there was a mumbled mention of a party they've got to go to. I didn't say anything but I realise this must be the birthday party that we're always excluded from. I feel like they're coming to see us just to appease their own guilt for deliberately not inviting us every year. Why would they invite our other sister and her family, but not us? Our children get along brilliantly and I thought that us adults did too. I want to say something about it but I'm concerned that I'll be rude to them about it on Friday when they stay here. Do I need to just grow up or have I got good reason to be a bit put out?

user don't you think after over 370 posts the thread may have actually moved on from the OP. RTFT.

OP handled it in the only way she could, there is no pussyfooting around toxic people like her sister, only trouble is, it should have been done ages ago.

Rosieproject1
I loved your last post. I think I'm going to print it out and keep it to read when I'm feeling down about my own less than awesome family situation. Cheers. :)

Agree with Elsbeth. And honestly, leave your sister alone.

Your family of origin sounds broken and dysfunctional. I feel exhausted just reading about the chaos that passed for parenting in your home. Abuse of all kinds, clearly. Guessing your mum turned a blind eye but somehow is still in everyone's good books. Everyone is now clearly just trying to survive.

You seem desperate to continue to blow things up and get to the bottom of things. They want a superficial relationship with you. Both of you are entitled to what you want. You don't get to force yourself on them. If you don't like the dynamic, just distance yourself. I can see why they are distancing themselves from you. The fact that your NC sister stays away and based on your reactions all on this thread: deleting everyone's contacts, involving your other sister: it's just too much. You sound like a dry drunk. I wouldn't want you around either tbh.

I identify with your NC sister because I would be no contact with all of you.

OP's sister is not toxic: they are all toxic. The only one with a hope in hell of being well adjusted is the sister who no longer speaks to any of them.

Oh it's you again, who noted that I love my euphemisms.

Go fuck yourself.

The hilarious thing about the people being 'exhausted reading all about you' op - is that no one forced them to read the whole thread - fuck them!

Well aren't you a treasure rolo.

rolo I don't know what to say, I think god was running out of empathy and understanding when he got to you! Just ignore that nasty post op. It was bound to explode one day, there is only so much you can keep in or sweep under the carpet. Now put them aside and move forward, like you have done .

Thank you EZA, ColdAs & Aero.

If I'm toxic then rolo's fucking malignant.

Don't let the gits bother you op

You all grew up under the most awful dynamic and it has affected each of you in different ways. Your designated role is She Who Carries All Sins. It's probably easier to fasten upon you than upon either of your parents, who are/were the real sinners. Fear perhaps, of your dad stops him being to blame though he is the real perperator. Hard to blame a mother who failed to protect you, too, very painful, and can make you feel even more vulnerable. Maybe that's why your sisters are OK with her, but I guess you'll not know until they themselves sort their own emotions outand stop blaming you.

Your nc sister is interesting. Is she 'sorted' now? It doesn't sound like it. You may get no more truth from her than you do from anyone else, but you may feel that it's worth a try. If so, give it a go, but be prepared to be disappointed.

Good luck. Concentrate on your own family, the one you have created. That's where real happiness lies.

Your family of origin sounds broken and dysfunctional. I feel exhausted just reading about the chaos that passed for parenting in your home. Abuse of all kinds, clearly. Guessing your mum turned a blind eye but somehow is still in everyone's good books. Everyone is now clearly just trying to survive.

You acknowledge all this, rolo. And then your response isn't kindness ... but to put the utter boot in.

Why?

That was quick!

Reported it and poof!

I missed it. What was the gist?

I reported it too. Being a pointless goady mare as usual.

Oh right, I missed it too.

Vitriolic basically. Says a lot more about he/she tbh

I missed the deleted post but rolo, aren't you a charmer. Go and be a bitch elsewhere.

Just caught up on the last few posts you made. I don't think you're an idiot and I actually think you handled the situation very well.

You created no drama.
You just made it known you are aware you're being excluded.
You didn't get massively upset.
You weren't and haven't been nasty to your little sister despite her awful behaviour.
You created a boundary by not having a rude and disrespectful person in your house on Friday night.
You accepted the apology graciously whilst still doing what is best for you.
You have taken steps to protect yourself.
You have decided you will no longer put up with this shit.
You let your elder sister you will be in touch when you are ready.

Some pretty good stuff actually.

You will likely feel a mixture of emotions and remorse. Best to sit with the guilt. It will pass as the healing happens.

Thank you Mummy. I've had a few tears when I think of the children that I will miss growing up, but I'm already feeling better about finally standing up for myself. I value myself a bit more already so I think it was the right thing to do.
This thread has been massively helpful in dealing with this. Thanks again everyone for your kind words and support. Xx

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