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To hate getting older

231 replies

Unrulyheat · 21/06/2017 08:48

I am 36 later this year.

I don't want to turn 40.

I know, it's ridiculous. But (this is really vain) I used to be quite pretty. Not model-like and stunning but just passably pretty.

I wonder if a lot of pretty, rather than beautiful, girls grow into women like me where the prettiness turns into frumpiness.

I don't want to feel like this. My mum valued appearance over anything else and I don't want to pass that to my girls - but I do feel sadness that I no longer look nice.

OP posts:
Want2beme · 22/06/2017 17:37

Foureyesarebetterthantwo well said. Totally agree. Just have to do it now......

Want2beme · 22/06/2017 17:39

Decaff yes she is. Lovely colours too.

Pannnn · 22/06/2017 22:49

I think the last few posts support the thing I was saying before. A head turning ability fwiw isn't biology it's aesthetic. And that isn't a patronising or sweet bloke talking. Style and confidence over rides age and prettiness generally.

Mysteriouscurle · 22/06/2017 23:50

I mostly dont mind getting older but then I was never much of a looker anyway. And im introverted and like being invisible. There is something that really annoys the life out of me tho. Chin hairs. Evil horrible things Angry

PollyPelargonium52 · 23/06/2017 06:58

At 53 just recently it has become very very hard to lose any weight. I used to find it quite easy if I put my mind to it to shed the additional half a stone etc. I think I must start aqua aerobics twice weekly and stop bemoaning my fate!

There are so many things we can do to stay young looking and healthy but a lot of them come down to cash.

I have always invested in a good skincare regime although it isn't all high end prices some is some isn't but it works for me and drinking plenty of water helps the skin. Eating prunes daily is also very anti aging!

PollyPelargonium52 · 23/06/2017 07:55

What about the cub/cougar scenario younger men still go for older women. When I used to try out the online dating sites I am not boasting it could take a matter of a few hours to pull a younger model (which I wasn't into but I can honestly say that was a fact).

user1490465531 · 23/06/2017 08:29

oh my god this thread is so depressing. I'm 38 single and reading this you would think my life is over.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 23/06/2017 08:43

I don't think its depressing at all User. There have been posters sharing things about aches and pains and loss of identity as external validation can dry up - but there have also been lots of posts about discovering new confidence, self-assurance and awareness.

I'm the same age as you and I've read this thread and don't think my life is over at all.

Peewee23 · 23/06/2017 08:58

Let's face it getting older isn't great but what can you do.

I hate It too an almost 50.

buggerthebotox · 23/06/2017 09:06

I'm 57 and I can honestly say I feel and look ok. I've always been obsessed vain and if you're willing to put in the work-and it IS work- you'll be ok.

36! Ha! Just you wait, OP.

PollyPelargonium52 · 23/06/2017 09:07

A beauty tip make sure your hair straightener is still doing its job they tend to need replacing fairly regularly even the Ghd ones. I bought a Nicky Clarke one really cheap for £35 brand new and it is doing the job a lot better than my 3 year old Ghd one was.

I have also finally learned how to use it I wasn't holding the styler down on the hair long enough it really DOES make my face look younger. It goes to show how important it is to wear a hairstyle that suits us. :) If I let it go all frizzy and don't style it I look such a frump!

Lottapianos · 23/06/2017 09:09

Bugger, that's the spirit! I'm 37 and I need to hear more from women like you who say that while you won't look and feel like you did at 25, you can still look and feel great at 50 or 60

I totally accept that it all takes work, but can you say more about the work you do on yourself? I'm thinking loads of veg, regular exercise, tons of sleep, good skincare regime - that sort of thing?

user1490465531 · 23/06/2017 09:13

so is the there still hope as a 38 yr old singleton I can still meet someone?

Decaffstilltastesweird · 23/06/2017 09:13

I love the tips on here. Will definitely be investing in new straighteners and ensuring I don't gain too much weight (I'm pregnant), so I can transition to my forties without the extra kilos.

Lotta and want, yes, when I grow up, I want to be the woman I posted a photo of! Or at least be her friend. She's probably too cool for me though Grin.

user1490465531 · 23/06/2017 09:14

I'm just worried after reading this thread!

Lottapianos · 23/06/2017 09:14

User, of course! 38 is young!

corythatwas · 23/06/2017 09:17

I am probably biased by the fact that in childhood I always loved looking at and being around wise, kindly old women. They were fun, they were interesting, they made the world a better place.

And now, as a middle-aged woman on my way to old age, I don't see why the reaction of some sexually-attracted-or-not random man is more important to my self worth and place in the world than the reaction of that child. I am going to make sure I see other people in the world and make their feelings matter. The young teenager who gives up his seat and smiles at me because I remind him of his grandmother is going to be as important to me as the man who swallows his wolf whistle when he sees the wrinkles round me eyes.

I am beginning to get the wrinkles, I try my best to be kindly, I'm going to be working on that wisdom.

80sMum · 23/06/2017 09:21

Haven't RTFT but the opening post made me laugh out loud! I was expecting the OP to be in her 60s or 70s, not 35!! Confused

ChestnutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 23/06/2017 09:22

I have to say I'm enjoying the relative 'invisibleness' that comes with middle age. Not being stared at/groped/wolf whistled is a joy. I don't enjoy the weight gain and aches and pains though.

spiney · 23/06/2017 09:24

Get over it OP.

You have NO choice. Comes to us all. It's like trying to turn back the sea. Don't waste your young years doing that.

And from where I'm looking you're YOUNG.
Try and get some perspective.

And as many have said every birthday is a privilege.

Lottapianos · 23/06/2017 09:30

If anyone wants to avoid male attention before hitting middle age, I highly recommend being tall, having short hair and wearing glasses. Works for me Grin

buggerthebotox · 23/06/2017 09:31

pianos I think a lot of it's attitude, tbh.

I was 42 having dd, which kept me feeling young as I was usually surrounded by parents younger than me. I've been lucky enough to be able to indulge myself in a hobby. A sense of achievement keeps you feeling young and empowered.

I've always been vain, which helps, I think. Back in the day, I used to slather myself in Panstick-no sun got through that! As a result, my skin is pretty good. Products are much better, too. And there are more role models for older women. I think older women are less stereotyped now than previously.

I've always been a weightwatcher. My diet used to be cheap, though. I still weightwatch using mfp/fitbit/whatever but I eat more healthily now, and try to get loads of sleep. I don't smoke and drink rarely.

I do 10k steps, do some cardio exercise and lift weights. I think weights make SO much difference to your body shape. I'm not a 10 any more, but aim to be toned and fit. 12 is fine for me now.

And I think there's something to be said for old-fashioned "glamour". Glamour and style are ageless. And cosmetic work is more accepted now, and more easily available.

I love the Hot and Flashy channel: great resource for us oldies, and tells it like it is. Smile.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 23/06/2017 09:41

I think I've coped with ageing better than my husband. He found losing his hair and getting fat really difficult, and health conditions means he can't exercise at all, so only a very strict diet would produce much results (which he struggles with).

I don't feel that bad (I'm late forties). I have seen on MN before people saying you shouldn't say 'she looks good for her age' but that's what I aim for, to look good for my age. I find it helps not to compare myself to the young twentysomethings I teach, as they have youth, no children/other demands on their time and spend all day prancing around in their gym wear. That wouldn't work for me.

cory I love your post as I am also lucky enough to be surrounded by caring kind older women, some of the most special people in my life are very very old indeed. The thing is, even if you fight it at 40, or 60 or 70, there comes a point where you can never look young (although tell that to Joan Collins!)

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 23/06/2017 12:43

so is the there still hope as a 38 yr old singleton I can still meet someone?

Of course! I know friends dating in their 30s and 40s who have said that they find they get more serious offers, than when they were younger. As PP have said I think you become more comfortable in your own skin and more self-assured, which helps you rule out the dickheads straight away. You've got more life experience which helps. There's a cartoon which illustrates it nicely I think - I'll see if I can find it.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 23/06/2017 12:54

Can't find it Sad but in a nutshell it was basically a cartoon woman in her 20s and then in her 30s.

One of the illustrations was her in her younger days, being hugely impressed and bowled over by a guy who said that his occupation was a free spirit, a street poet and a creative soul. Then the same illustration with her when she's older, shows a little speech bubble saying "So basically, you're unemployed?"

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