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To hate getting older

231 replies

Unrulyheat · 21/06/2017 08:48

I am 36 later this year.

I don't want to turn 40.

I know, it's ridiculous. But (this is really vain) I used to be quite pretty. Not model-like and stunning but just passably pretty.

I wonder if a lot of pretty, rather than beautiful, girls grow into women like me where the prettiness turns into frumpiness.

I don't want to feel like this. My mum valued appearance over anything else and I don't want to pass that to my girls - but I do feel sadness that I no longer look nice.

OP posts:
ohforfoxsake · 21/06/2017 12:31

I have a daughter who is blossoming into womanhood as I am disintegrating!

She is a wonder to watch, a truly beautiful person. I make sure she knows this and how wonderful it is to be a woman even at my age! Grin

Confusedandintrigued · 21/06/2017 12:32

Op you're 36! Not 86!

I'm same age as you.
Also very attractive.

You know what? I still work at it. What used to come naturally (flawless skin, a lovely bod etc), I know work at (expensive creams, bit of Botox, work out 6x a week)

I sure as hell don't feel frumpy

Eolian · 21/06/2017 12:33

YABU. Getting older is better than the alternative, and 40 isn't old anyway. If people could try and stop being so obsessed with their looks, they wouldn't be so afraid of 'losing' them. Life shouldn't be about how pretty you are, or what your figure is like.

JaneJeffer · 21/06/2017 12:37

Do you think men have any of these feelings or are they more accepting of their beer bellies and balding heads?!

Pannnn · 21/06/2017 12:37

Health and happiness seem to be coming out on tops as something to be savoured and protected, rather than good looks.
And of course grasping that getting older is much better than the alternative.

Confusedandintrigued · 21/06/2017 12:42

Those saying that we should "get over ourselves" and "life shouldn't be about how pretty you are"

Just aren't getting it.

We are talking from the perspective of women who have always been very attractive. Gorgeous even. As in you walk in to a room and you are aware of people looking. You see photos and you stand out.

This is not boasting. I'm sayijf that when you have had a few decades of that, looking in a mirror and not just feeling good but knowing that you look good - it is hard to accept that times are a-changing.

It doesn't mean we don't see health as paramount or that we don't adore our families any less. It just adds another dimension to getting older.

Pannnn · 21/06/2017 12:47

Ah yes Jane! We do have slightly similar.

At 56 yo I cant run as fast or as long as I used to. Am told am pretty good looking BUT the invisibility factor happened about 20 yrs ago - no frission and actually now quite liking it - makes stuff nice and clear.
Carry about 1 1/2 stone more in weight than I used to but that's okay. Hair is desserting me but that's okay too. Have less muscle mass and that's an annoyance but I ride/swim/run a lot so not complaining.
Overall though I have a wonderful/beautiful loving partner, and that fact makes a massive difference to how I feel about growing older.

Eolian · 21/06/2017 12:57

God, well in that case I'm glad I have always been perfectly pleasant looking but not 'gorgeous'. It sounds like a very double-edged sword. Being over-invested in youth and looks and lamenting the aging process certainly aren't only the preserve of the stunningly attractive though.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 21/06/2017 12:58

people DO have to "get over themselves" though.

I was pretty when younger..aged 17-18 I was literally wolf whistled at every single day. (grim looking back). Now I am invisible.

So have had to get over looks being be all and end all.

The answer is not botox and dermatologists and hair dye its people accepting that aging is not a bad thing and not giving in to pressure, sadly.

Ohyesiam · 21/06/2017 13:07

Op, my mum was like yours, still is actually. And like you I was attractive but not beautiful, though luckily a few people thought I was!
I have just turned 50, and have come to terms with it. I still make an effort, and can look good at times too, but have really got past relying on it. It's as if I took a massive " I no longer give a fuck what anyone thinks " pill.
It's really liberating, I've at last accepted myself, warts and all. And it's so many more warts now..
.I feel like I've arrived in the world, and I can REALLY feel my own power and potency.

It could be to do with the menopause? Who knows. I recognise it from older women I've known.
But however it arrives, I really hope you feel it soon too . it is out there, step into it

peppersaunt · 21/06/2017 13:13

Early 50s here. You know what's the worst? Walking directly behind a pretty 20-something and watching men get out of her way then swerve back into my path (because I'm invisible). Ditto what someone said above re: men letting doors slam in my face.

Birdsgottaf1y · 21/06/2017 13:17

""Do you think men have any of these feelings or are they more accepting of their beer bellies and balding heads?!""

Some probably do. But there is a percentage of Men who have had the idea since hitting puberty they they are good enough regardless of physical appearance that Women, even really attractive ones, should be grateful for their attention/time and a sense of deserving and entitlement.

There used to be a popular saying that men were like fine wine, they improve with age and women are like cheese they just get old and stinky.

On FB i've got women in their 30's all dieting for their holidays and looking fantastic whilst away, but their DP's have got beer bellies and all look older than they should.

There is a fat fella dancing around a pool on FB, the comments are positive, if it was a Women, the comments would be ruthless and start insulting everything about her and her life.

JaneJeffer · 21/06/2017 13:18

That's good to know Pan. My DH swings between saying how wrecked he feels and how good he looks for his age if only he lost a bit of weight Grin

It seems that those who considered themselves above average looks wise have more trouble with the ageing process.

FreeNiki · 21/06/2017 13:18

Love this for smug young ones

makeourfuture · 21/06/2017 13:20

My flaming right knee has gone dodgy. And I can't eat a whole swath of my favourite foods....

echt · 21/06/2017 13:23

Haven't TRFT but this appears to be about not wanting to look older rather than not wanting to be older. Otherwise you'd want to be dead.

KERALA1 · 21/06/2017 13:24

Extremely rare for any 40 plus to turn heads. That's all about sex once you over 40 you not on the radar it's biological.

seasonschooner · 21/06/2017 13:24

Grin That's great FreeNiki I must watch that film again.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 21/06/2017 13:26

When I was about to turn 40 I had a bit of a mid-life crisis...not so much over looks, but , "I've never learned to play the saxophone, etc" type angst. Didn't have it when I hit 50 fortunately. I am mid 50's, a couple of wrinkles, weight harder to sort etc... hair has a decent cut and colour, I wear f50 on my face all the time, and I have regular facials which helps. Yes, I wish i had appreciated how good-looking I was, and slim, in my youth....but I have more confidence now. I don't feel I am invisible, but perhaps I am deluded Grin I also eat a lot better, drink a lot less, and do yoga, which I hope will all contribute to slowing down the aging process.

Pannnn · 21/06/2017 13:27

Birds - that may be true re a %age of blokes. But nothing like a large proportion. Most men ime don't think like that and do not take their wives partners for granted nor assume they have the chutzpah to casually attract "beautiful" women.
Having said that the current Mrs Pan is one of those annoyingly (to other women) slim and beautiful 50 yos,effortlessly, and despite that I'd still know that health and happiness is within my gift.

stevie69 · 21/06/2017 13:32

I've always wondered if it is my age or the weight gain that has made me sexually invisible, as they happened at the same time, I'll never know. I can't say I miss being pestered. There's no way of turning someone down and not denting their ego.

Your post is really interesting. I've been sexually invisible for years, Sad which may be down to the fact that I've been overweight through my 40s. I lost six stones (hit my final Weight Watchers goal last night) as I was sick and tired of feeling .....sick and tired. I'm now 50 and a size 8 and guess what? I'm definitely no longer sexually invisible. Not that I'm getting all that much but .... that's my choice these days Grin

What to make of it all, I don't know Confused

Pannnn · 21/06/2017 13:32

Extremely rare for any 40 plus to turn heads. That's all about sex once you over 40 you not on the radar it's biological.

Got to disagree there KERALA - it's an aesthetic that turns heads. Woman can be and are 'head turners' well after 40 yo. It';s just a matter of taste, not biology.

KERALA1 · 21/06/2017 13:36

Nah sorry don't agree. Group of 40 somethings go out some very attractive. Men aren't slightest bit interested - too busy ogling the 20 somethings Grin.

stevie69 · 21/06/2017 13:41

Nah sorry don't agree. Group of 40 somethings go out some very attractive. Men aren't slightest bit interested - too busy ogling the 20 somethings grin.)

They really aren't. Promise Shock

KERALA1 · 21/06/2017 13:42

Its very sweet what you are saying Pann but as someone who (used!?) to turn heads its very clear that 35 plus women are not of the least bit interest to the majority of men no matter how gorgeous they are. Certainly what I have observed and experienced anyway.

I actually enjoy not getting hassled tbh

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