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AIBU?

To hate getting older

231 replies

Unrulyheat · 21/06/2017 08:48

I am 36 later this year.

I don't want to turn 40.

I know, it's ridiculous. But (this is really vain) I used to be quite pretty. Not model-like and stunning but just passably pretty.

I wonder if a lot of pretty, rather than beautiful, girls grow into women like me where the prettiness turns into frumpiness.

I don't want to feel like this. My mum valued appearance over anything else and I don't want to pass that to my girls - but I do feel sadness that I no longer look nice.

OP posts:
Decaffstilltastesweird · 25/06/2017 11:45

It is interesting that many are mentioning their DP's opinions when it was a discussion on personal feelings, the feelings many are talking about on aging (myself included) must be there, to need propping up by others.

So right! "The male gaze" is so firmly ingrained in our psyches. It's just tragic and totally fucked up thinking. How to fight it though, is the question.

TheVanguardSix · 25/06/2017 12:08

I think 35-38 are the prime years. I am now 45 and it is undeniable that the aging process accelerates from 40-45. I have definitely aged in the past 3 years in a way that I did not between 35-40 (or at least the 'aging' at that stage was subtle). I find now that my aging is proper aging... proper middle aged shit is happening. I could bounce back from the sleep deprivation of my 30s in a way that I don't now. To be fair, I had a virus for 9 months last year combined with Lupus-like symptoms which sucked the life out of me. My marriage is not good (this is soul destroying). That's huge! Make sure you are happy within your home life. Can't emphasize this enough. It's very taxing on your whole being to be in an empty, sexless marriage. Giving away a lot there. But there ya have it, folks. Be happy!! Here's the beauty of the 40s though- and this is the truth: your mind totally expands. Your inner growth accelerates at a real pace. You may find yourself drawn to more fulfilling things like meditation, exploring a new faith, writing that novel you always wanted to, giving back to your community. You grow in empathy and compassion for the most part. And that is a huge bonus. In your 40s, you join a different club, a better one, imo. External 'you' matters a bit/lot less. I walk daily. My figure is still as thin as it was in my 20s but I am saggy, my tits are a joke after nursing 3 kids, and my legs are riddled with truly unsightly varicose veins and my face has more lines than ever before. But what the hell. It's my life story and my body tells it. What are you gonna do? Still, I focus on being radiant/healthy rather than attractive. I focus on being a decent human being with a mighty heart rather than one with great skin/hair/figure. I feel this now. At 38 I still had more vanity and interest in external me. I think that our late 30s into early 40s is youth's last hurrah. But believe me, you will make a mental transition that eases you into 'aging' with grace. It won't bother you nearly as much as you think it might. I like me a whole lot more now than ever before. I like who I've grown into on the inside. Aging sucks. It's hard to get around it. No lie. But it is what it is. You count your blessings. My brother's in his 40s and has terminal cancer. That's been a huge shakeup in the way I view getting older.

Falconhoof1 · 25/06/2017 13:50

I hate getting older too. Even 4 years ago I was much prettier. I'm 47 now and have a more jowelly face and my hair texture is coarser. I've put on a bit of weight (trying to lose this) and I feel quite frumpy. It sucks. I can't seem to find a style of clothes I like to make me look nice. Sigh!!!

LiveLongAndProspero · 25/06/2017 15:35

I don't understand people who say they don't want to get older. The only other option is death, and that hardly makes one more attractive.

NameChanger22 · 25/06/2017 15:44

I don't mind getting older or even looking older.

When I was younger I was a bit obsessed with how I looked. Being middle-aged feels liberating because I'm more invisible. Also, I have more time for creative hobbies now because I'm not spending chunks of time and money on my hair, clothes and beauty routine. I feel like I wasted my 20s and 30s concentrating on this so much. I looked fine anyway, I didn't need to put so much effort into it.

I do get the odd shock when I look in the mirror now, but my solution is just to avoid mirrors as much as possible.

Ampersand1 · 25/06/2017 15:52

Lost two great pals who didn't make it to 50
Both to cancer
To grow old is a gift
Keep it simple water exercise eat sensibly moisturise keep an eye on fashion but embrace life.
Don't get hung up on superficiality.

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