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To hate getting older

231 replies

Unrulyheat · 21/06/2017 08:48

I am 36 later this year.

I don't want to turn 40.

I know, it's ridiculous. But (this is really vain) I used to be quite pretty. Not model-like and stunning but just passably pretty.

I wonder if a lot of pretty, rather than beautiful, girls grow into women like me where the prettiness turns into frumpiness.

I don't want to feel like this. My mum valued appearance over anything else and I don't want to pass that to my girls - but I do feel sadness that I no longer look nice.

OP posts:
goldendaisy · 21/06/2017 09:32

I'm in my 60s, I'm still trying to accept losing my looks. My Dh thinks i'm still good looking, he doesn't think any woman "loses" her looks, regardless of age.

MsHooliesCardigan · 21/06/2017 09:33

I'm 49 and have been having an on/off mid life crisis for about the last 12 years. Just when I think I'm ok with the ageing thing, it flares up again. The thing is that there is absolutely nothing you can do about getting older so you can either try to embrace it or spend the next 40 years being depressed about it.
The whole western attitude to older people, particularly women, is so screwed up. In many cultures, older people are looked up to.
I'm coping by adopting a sort of semi Buddhist approach and just embracing the fact that nothing lasts and trying to live for the moment. I would love to be 36 again!

Dowser · 21/06/2017 09:34

I'm 65 and still passable...just.
36 is so young ...but I know what you mean.
I think I was doing well until 61 , now I'm going quite grey where at 61 there was hardly any.

I've got lines round my eyes and my neck has gone a bit crepey. I've always had good bone structure, that's helped a lot.

I make the best of what I have...left.
Highlight my hair, always wear nice clothes, shoes, Jewellery and perfume.

For me getting older now is just more about health concerns. Keeping to a decent weight . I'm Mrs average, not fat not thin.

Eyesight is a big worry. Am I getting the right supplements to keep my eyes in good health. So important now that dh has lost some of his vision due to a stroke and I'm the only driver .

Mental health. It's never been brilliant but I have to keep a check on myself on account of what happened above and the added responsibility this has caused. For eg we are on a tour of Scotland and I have to keep myself in good shape for the driving. I have longish drives in unfamiliar places every two to three days .These things would have registered less thirty years ago.

If I could go back 30 years, 60 even, I'd be saying take better care of your teeth.

I'm having a lot of dental problems at the back and that's very depressing.
Then factor in aches and pains. Tendons, joints etc don't ping back as easily as they did in my youth.

I'd say to you all right now as you're all younger than me, yes give attention to your face and hair. Everyone wants to look attractive but if you want to do really well when you're in your 60s and older, pay really good attention to what you subject your bodies too now. Get enough sleep, moderate alcohol, don't smoke. My friend is ten years younger than me but her skin is not ageing well as she's been a big smoker and drinker which I haven't.

I also try to eat healthily. Not easy when you're travelling.
After that little lot, enjoy life, have fun.

Fairylea · 21/06/2017 09:35

I am 36 and have chronic health conditions, most of which have only really shown up in the last couple of years. It's made me realise age is completely irrelevant, it's health that is important. If you have good health you have options - without options life becomes very difficult.

Beauty and prettiness is very much in the eye of the beholder. The most any of us can do is make the most of what we have for as long as we can.

RoseVase2010 · 21/06/2017 09:39

I love it, in definitely getting better with age, more refined sense of style, better make up, having children has finally given me some curves!

I'm 34 so still young, this could all go downhill dramatically in the near future 😂

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 21/06/2017 09:39

Youthful looks really just attract attention from men as they have a biological urge to reproduce.

Its more important as you get older to have a partner who appreciates your looks and to look smart and clean.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 21/06/2017 09:40

If in a relationship, of course.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 21/06/2017 09:40

What a helpful post Junefromaccounts. If you think it's self indulgent then why bother contributing? Why not just scroll past the thread and find something that you think is more worthy? Hmm

I'm in my late 30s and I've noticed a real difference over the last 18 months - what was the odd fine line round my eyes has now started to develop into proper crows feet. What looked like a possible grey hair is now definitely several grey hairs! But the thing I have noticed the most is that I have started to care less, which feels wonderful. It's been hot and I've been wearing shorts whilst walking the dogs - cellulite and all on display and I couldn't care less. No makeup on because it was too hot - I couldn't care less.

I'm not letting myself go. But there is something so liberating about suddenly realising that I'm dressing for me, wearing makeup for me, doing my hair for me - not for a man, not for work, not for an event. Simply just for the pleasure of it. I'm trying to focus on that feeling rather than mourn the signs of ageing that I see in the mirror.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 21/06/2017 09:42

There's nothing good about getting older physically. Everything goes South. However, the good news is that if you've always struggled to keep weight off, after 40 a bit of chub is your friend. I'm a UK 16 and am often mistaken for younger. I guess the fat makes my face rounder and plumps out any creases.

I've always wondered if it is my age or the weight gain that has made me sexually invisible, as they happened at the same time, I'll never know. I can't say I miss being pestered. There's no way of turning someone down and not denting their ego.

Oddly though, I'm happier now than I've ever been. I am comfortable in my own skin and accept this battered mid forties body for what it is. There's no "but if I lost 7lbs" or "if I could just lose this cellulite" because it'd make no discernible difference. I don't often look back at old photos, but when I do I have to laugh because I was so blind to how physically attractive I was. In my teens, twenties and early thirties nothing was ever quite right, perfection was the aim, perfect weight, perfect skin, perfect hair and of course I always failed. Now "perfection" is so far away it has no relevance, no value whatsoever.

In a nutshell, I do miss my youthful looks, but I don't miss the vanity and insecurity that accompanied them.

maudeismyfavouritepony · 21/06/2017 09:43

I'd enjoy your 30s and 40s while you can because I'm 49 and never looked my age but as the hormones dwindle, the face does sag, the joints do ache, lack of sleep akin to the baby years due to the hot flushes and any fresh facedness has long since gone. My eyebrows have shrunk as well. It all seems to have happened in the last six months too. Grin Shock

foofoofairybumcakes · 21/06/2017 09:43

Look, I turned 50 last year and it is only in the last couple of years that I have thought seriously about beauty maintenance. I too was pretty but not beautiful, but have been so busy raising kids, working, surviving and having fun that in truth it has been a relief to not worry too much about what I wear and how high the heels are!! However, I have some vanity and in recent years and had invisalign braces and am currently enjoying Shock a course of microdermabrasion to keep me looking more sun-kissed and less weather beaten. I exercise (espec lower abs) although did my knees it at a step class so accept im more pilates these days. I think about fillers for nose to mouth lines, and indulge in hugely expensive dermatologica products on occasions. I know I look great for my age and compared to my peers (including those 10 years younger) but I have laugh lines around my eyes and face seems to take a bit longer to wake up in the mornings. As others have said, there is so so much more to life than what you look like. Just ask yourself is this how you measure the value of others?? I bet its not. Keep fit, keep the weight down best you can (for purely health purposes if nothing else) eat healthy, drink lots of water, get enough sleep, embrace a hobby that doesnt involve lots of alcohol Wink. As someone once said, I hate getting older, but it seems to be the only way to live a long life! You're one of the lucky ones Flowers

Dowser · 21/06/2017 09:44

Judi dench is my role model.
She looks comfortable in her own skin and has such a pretty, sweet face.
Whether she's had work done or not I don't know ( I hope not, as she looks natural)
I'm not planning on having anything done.
I want to be remembered for who I was not what I looked like.

MollyWantsACracker · 21/06/2017 09:44

I'm 47. I'm in better shape and slimmer than I was when I was 37. Yes my face is 10 years older, but I've always been religious about avoiding sun so it's good. I gave up cigarettes 16 years ago. I'm fit and I am healthy. I still look good.
I was very good looking when I was younger but I didn't appreciate it.
These days, yoga and a happy life which includes wine! And a 33yo bf keeps me v cheerful indeed
Look after yourself best you can and for goodness sake- enjoy your YOUTH Smile

Nowombattheinn · 21/06/2017 09:46

The pp is correct though, that the alternative to not getting older is being dead. It's a privilege to grow old (not that 40s is old at all!)
When I was in my 20s I constantly felt fat (I was not) and if i wasn't perfect then I was hideous. I would love my pre baby stomach back now and show it all the time but back then as it wasn't supermodel flat and toned I hated it and was ashamed. It drove my husband nuts and he reminds to enjoy my face and body now as in ten years I'll be envious of what I have but don't like now! Looks really aren't the be all and end all, but I do think there is more pressure on women that only youth is beautiful.
Don't compare yourself to others, be healthy and appreciate ageing and enjoy what you are as it's you.

foofoofairybumcakes · 21/06/2017 09:49

PaulDacers and SleepOhHow both excellent posts Flowers agree with every word. Makes me laugh when I experience those 'invisable' moments because when I got attention all the time it was so stressful. Grin . Its really only now that I appreciate my true worth and value, and that is something so much more than a sum total of my physical appearance.

herethereandeverywhere · 21/06/2017 09:57

Only the lucky people get old. I had several friends and knew several kids that would have loved the opportunity to get wrinkles and fat round the middle and achy and a bit forgetful.

Whenever I look in the mirror at my long-in-the-tooth face, less defined, more wrinkly and my fatness I remember how fortunate I am. Pretty was a chapter in my life but I'm lucky enough to be going on and making more chapters - not everyone is afforded that blessing.

Auldspinster · 21/06/2017 09:57

I'm 42 and wouldn't trade it for being younger if you paid me.

I work with a lot of younger people and am often taken for being in my mid to late 20s (not a stealth boast, just very lucky gene pool), but i was in turmoil at that age. When you look at the alternative 40 really isn't so bad!

innagazing · 21/06/2017 09:58

Hmmm... I'm in my late 50's now and would absolutely love to look and feel like I did in my thirties and forties!
My advice is to appreciate what you have now, as it'll be considerably less in twenty years time.
Sorry if this is rather blunt, but it is the truth...

Papergirl1968 · 21/06/2017 10:01

It annoys me when I read post after post from people bemoaning the loss of their looks. What about those of us who never had any looks in the first place? Those of us who have never been pretty, and whose faces have never attracted male attention.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but get over yourselves...

Elphame · 21/06/2017 10:02

This is a depressing thread! It doesn't have to be so bad!

I was reasonably pretty in my youth and I've worked hard to maintain that into my 50s. My hair is cut and coloured, I keep my dress size to a 10/12 and I walk 5 miles or so a day. I keep my nails manicured and I still wear make up. I avoid the "middle aged" clothing shops and wear classics with high fashion bits and pieces. My heel heights are down from 4" to 3" though!

Yes I probably have grey hairs but I never see them. I have a few lines and wrinkles but not too bad and I admit the menopause has been physically hard - I've reluctantly just started HRT and my energy levels have returned and the aches and pains are considerably better.

phoenix1973 · 21/06/2017 10:07

It sucks.
My in laws and my own parents give me a glimpse of life in older age. Again, it sucks. I cannot see anything to recommend it.
My in laws haven't been away for over 10 years. They have enough money, but one of them is mobility scooter bound and is unable to stand for more than about a minute. She falls regularly too. He's her carer but they're both in their 70's with no likelihood of any sort of travel outside 10 miles. They have a car, are financially sorted but STUCK. It's so unfair.
However, on a personal, shallow level, I don't like getting older. I became invisible aged 33 when I had my child.
I always drew a lot of attention both wanted and unwanted before that.
I'm 43 now, my hair is thin and lank but grows quickly. It has some White around the temples. Those hairs are coarse and wavy.yuk.
I have had white eyebrow hairs taking over for years. I had lovely dark brows with blond hair before. I looked striking.i had a lovely figure. Now, due to rectus bulge, I look like a pregnant granny and the floppy tits don't help. I get 2 black hairs from my chin which must be plucked.
My leg hair is off the scale. It's dark. I'm light.
The anxiety and depression are winning the battle despite the fact that I run 5 times a week so I'm really trying.
My nurturing hormones (which weren't that great to begin with) are taking a dive already and being replaced by the selfish hormones and my daughter is only 10. I can't stop nurturing yet!
I'm dreading the menopause because it could be hell to go through but when I go through it, I will be an old lady (biologically at least).
I just feel that youth doesn't last long enough🙁

phoenix1973 · 21/06/2017 10:10

Oh yes, I've lost 2 teeth too. The remainder are filled with amalgam. So I'm only 43 but have teeth which will continued bankrupt me, fall out, give me a hollow face plus it's really hard to eat already. ☹️

PocaMiseria · 21/06/2017 10:11

Exactly what you said: never mind your looks (although obviously using a proper moisturiser and avoiding over-exposure to the sun are good ideas).... there are far more serious things to worry about when getting older than "losing your looks"; top of which is losing your mind - although I suppose that once it's gone it's no longer your problem, but a problem for your loved ones.

sobeyondthehills · 21/06/2017 10:11

Both my sisters are in their 40's and both are still stunning.

I am not saying that because they are my sisters but because its true, both have demanding jobs, one has 2 kids, but both can still turn heads.

Also for both their personalities shine through, I am never sure whether its their looks or because they are such lovely people never thought I would say that when I was a child

silentpool · 21/06/2017 10:13

I lost a friend last year aged 41. What she would have given to see 42...

Getting older isn't great in a lot of ways but I try to appreciate my good fortune in still being here.

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