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To hate getting older

231 replies

Unrulyheat · 21/06/2017 08:48

I am 36 later this year.

I don't want to turn 40.

I know, it's ridiculous. But (this is really vain) I used to be quite pretty. Not model-like and stunning but just passably pretty.

I wonder if a lot of pretty, rather than beautiful, girls grow into women like me where the prettiness turns into frumpiness.

I don't want to feel like this. My mum valued appearance over anything else and I don't want to pass that to my girls - but I do feel sadness that I no longer look nice.

OP posts:
singleandfabulous · 21/06/2017 10:13

You need - in no particular order:

A good dermatologist
A good diet
An exercise regime including weights, cardio, pelvic floor exercices and toning exercises for the core.
A regular peep at the 'Princessing' thread(s) on this board.
A great hairdresser who does both cut and colour

and long-sight so everything in the mirror looks a little hazy! Grin

Pigface1 · 21/06/2017 10:14

I'm a bit younger than you OP but I hear you. One thing I regret though, when I look back at old photos, it how I never appreciated youth when I had it. When I was 21 I was great-looking (like most 21 year olds). But at 21 I was also incredibly insecure and was beating myself up over my thigh circumference, my ankle circumference (yes, really), the odd spot, whether some idiot boy liked me or my mate more... I look back and I can't believe how much time I wasted being insecure about nothing. So I try to apply the same logic now. In 15 years I'm gonna look back and long for these thighs, so even though I think they're cellutite-ridden, flabby and stretch-marked, I'm bloody well going to enjoy them.

TheFaerieQueene · 21/06/2017 10:14

I worried about 40, but now at 52 I don't bloody care any more. The alternative is very unappealing.
That said I am a lucky bugger and haven't aged at all so can pass as much younger, though I might not necessarily feel younger inside.
My recommendation is plenty of water and exercise. Eat a healthy diet - I'm vegan was vegetarian and most importantly 🍾🥂🍸

Pigface1 · 21/06/2017 10:16

On a re-read 'enjoying' my thighs sounds a bit creepy - I just meant, prancing round in shorts in hot weather without worrying about they look Grin

SapphireStrange · 21/06/2017 10:17

I hear you, OP. I was never really pretty or beautiful; neither am I madly interesting, funny, intelligent, charismatic, etc.

I feel increasingly as though all I've ever had on my side was youth, and now (at 42) that has most decidedly left me.

Sanscollier · 21/06/2017 10:19

Remember everyone "beauty fades but dumb lasts forever" Grin

I absolutely loved being in my 40s . I was slim and still had energy. I had pretty much done what I wanted in terms of career and travel, and after mcs, we had finally managed to have a baby.

I'm in my early fifties now with a teen and have put on 3 stone in weight and have some health issues. It is not fun. I have the confidence and maturity to know what I need and want to do - but I don't have as much energy to do it! I am hoping that I will feel better when I have lost some weight.

Unruly heat you are not old - embrace your forties - and start exercising daily now (something you really enjoy like dancing or team sports) as that will make the world of difference when you eventually go through the menopause (sorry to mention the m word!). And I bet when you are in your sixties and you look back on photos of how you are now; I bet you will think that you looked pretty damn good Grin

Unrulyheat · 21/06/2017 10:19

Don't get me wrong, I've never had made attention at all. And I never would have considered myself vain.

I used to think my mum was silly as she would sit beside the pool or beach on holiday wearing swimming costume, makeup, rings, necklaces, earrings - it looked a bit daft and of course she would never put her head in the water!

I am very different. I wear a bit of foundation to even out my skin and mascara. That's IT. I don't even wear a wedding ring.

But I think that's the thing. I miss the days when I could wake up, stick my hair in a bun, put mascara on and still be pretty.

I have very dry skin and hair, and I have gained a lot of weight which is the tipping point really.

OP posts:
MrsQuim · 21/06/2017 10:21

Wow well I'm 45 an I've still got it in spades!!!!!
in my head

newnoo · 21/06/2017 10:24

I've never been happier than in my 40s right now. I had a very rocky 20s.

I hate aging too but I think when I get to 50 I'll look even worse so I'd better make the most of what I have today and be grateful.

I had no idea in my 30s I was still quite young.

When I get to 70 I'll think 40s was fabulous and what was I complaining about.

It's all a matter of perspective. I guess if I reach 100 I'll think 70 was footloose and fancy free too.

Stop living for the past (your youth) and live for now. You can't get it back. What's the point in wasting time on it and yearning for something you can't ever have again?

You can focus on the negative or the positive. It really is that simple. It's a choice. What will you choose?

NavyandWhite · 21/06/2017 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneJeffer · 21/06/2017 10:32

I think late 30's are tough but in 10 years time you will probably feel a lot happier. My 40's have been bad health wise but now I'm getting to the end of them it's almost a relief! I never craved attention anyway and would rather avoid it so that probably helps Grin

hilbobaggins · 21/06/2017 10:33

It's an interesting period of time. I got into feminism in my early 40s. Somehow it made an awful lot more sense to me when the "invisibility" factor started to set in. I hadn't realised how much I traded on my looks, and how important the admiration of others (particularly men) was. I started to realise that things are set up in a way that devalues women without their even knowing it - getting them to collude with it in fact. I got in touch with a lot of anger and felt simultaneously more powerful and powerless. I felt much more connected to older women. Difficult to explain, but something of an awakening.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 21/06/2017 10:36

It's all a matter of perspective. I guess if I reach 100 I'll think 70 was footloose and fancy free too.

My nonagenarian grandmother disdainfully refers to those in their 80s as 'babies' Grin. She's awesome.

Unrulyheat · 21/06/2017 10:37

That's interesting hilbo

If I was cleverer or more successful generally maybe it wouldn't hit me so hard, but it does.

OP posts:
SleightOfHand · 21/06/2017 10:40

This is an opportunity to learn something important.

coldflange · 21/06/2017 10:41

I dreaded turning 40. At the time it felt like that was it. Old Age.

However I am just about to see the next 'big' birthday and couldn't be happier about it.

I am so much more confident in myself. I give far fewer shits about what others think of me. Looks wise - I was always very insecure about my appearance when young - DM placed a lot of importance on looks and I didn't measure up. Looking back I was okay.

My advice is to just enjoy life. Do your bit to stay healthy and fit - the prettiness you can't do that much about but being fit and strong and happy in your own body is very attractive in itself.

I have just lost a family member - not old, just 8 years older than me - so it kind of puts it all in perspective.

hmcAsWas · 21/06/2017 10:42

I was passably pretty too. I am now 49 and am still fairly attractive for my age....but actually I really don't care and never have. As long as I don't scare the horses. In fact I actively did not like being the subject of the male gaze when I was younger - tbh its a relief not to get that so much now.

What I don't like about aging are the physical aspects of your body letting you down. I now have aching joints after a run or work out, carpal tunnel syndrome in my right wrist and lower back pain!

I try to understand peoples preoccupation with their appearance, and whilst I definitely do not judge, I really don't get it

Postagestamppat · 21/06/2017 10:42

I hate getting older too. Mostly because I am too old to have a second child. I will only ever one child (who I am so grateful for). But it kills me inside when my peers are popping out their second and third kids.

Postagestamppat · 21/06/2017 10:44

But other than that I almost enjoy the challenge of looking passable over 40.

valeriej43 · 21/06/2017 10:46

I really dont understand why people dread getting to 40, its still young,
I think the turning point for me was 60, i looked and felt ok until then, and i could still attract younger men at 40+,and im no real beauty, but not bad looking at that age,but looked after myself,and made the best of what i had,
op just get a makeover, wear a bit more make up, have your hair done,go on a diet if you feel you need to lose some weight,or at least eat more healthily,and smile,even if you dont feel like it, it makes a difference
What i wouldnt give to be 40 again,and has already been said, the alternative is much worse
I still hate catching my reflection in shop mirrors, and try not to look, but 40 is nothing

Postagestamppat · 21/06/2017 10:47

Although thinking about it. I hate getting a hangover after two glasses of wine on a school night! That is definitely age-related.

NavyandWhite · 21/06/2017 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hmcAsWas · 21/06/2017 10:47

"The whole western attitude to older people, particularly women, is so screwed up. In many cultures, older people are looked up to."

^^ Yes, I do worry about this. People can be so intolerant of the elderly if they are too slow, hesitant etc. I find myself as a middle aged woman (with old age looming up) being super nice to older people. Interestingly I find that the elderly will often initiate a conversation with me whereas they wouldn't have done so when I was younger. Perhaps its a thing - middle aged people generally being nicer to the elderly, hence the elderly find the over 45's more approachable for a chat...?

toofarfromcivilisation · 21/06/2017 10:50

Fucking LOVING being in my 50s!!
Look better than I ever have.....because my eyesight has got worse.
Don't care what I wear as long as I like it.
Can spot a twat at 100 miles.....well not actually, again because of eyesight.....& hearing.
Bring on the rest!

FreeNiki · 21/06/2017 10:50

I wouldn't be terrified of aging if I had achieved something you're supposed to.

I am 38 single, no dc, and probably that's it for me now.

How am I going to find a partner at this age when children will probably not happen and all that's ahead of me is 40s 50s. No youth to enjoy a relationship.

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