AIBU to not like step parent calling dd her daughter?

[Supermagicsmile]

Not sure on this one if IABU but this is really bugging me.

Dd is almost 7. Her dad's been with his fiancé for around 4 years (they had been together when younger too so has known her for years!) When dd is there she is involved in her care which I am fine with. She's generally a really nice person and dd likes her. They have a little boy together (6months) who dd adores aswell.

She (step mum) refers to dd as 'her' daughter and it really, really annoys me .

I have spoken to dd's dad about and he did speak to her. There are comments on Facebook 'so proud of my daughter for passing her ballet exam' etc. Also a really gushy post on Father's Day about their family and their 2 kids.
She had requested dd spend another afternoon round there in the week (dd's dad will be at work so it would just be her and the kids). We don't have any formal custody arrangement as never needed it but I don't really want dd there without her dad one extra afternoon a week when I could have her at home with me.

AIBU? I mentioned it to a friend who says it's fine but I don't agree.
(Dd doesn't call her mum, she has always just used her first name thank goodness )

AIBU? (If so, how do I handle it as I'm struggling with it now. If I'm not, how how do I fix it?)

Sweet I'm all for being positive. But not for being a doormat.

TipTopTipTopClop I doubt the OP, is dying a bit inside but if she were why would she need to accept it! Women are not just bearers of children with no views it opinions!

Wannabe what is with the use of the word 'groom'? Whoely inappropriate. Why the insistence on the importance of this life long relationship with step mum? If they get on great. But it is not the OP's job to facilitate a fabulous relationship with someone who pretends to be her dd's mum. You can say it as much as you like, it just Ian't IMHO.

You seem determined to believe the best. lovely. But not necessarily true at all "...have a relationship where the stepmother sees the daughter as her own and equal to that of her biological child and that is apparently wrong?"

I am quite sure the OP Doran't what the step mum to hate the child. the comparisons are way off.

I am a step mum, my step daughter is now an adult and lives with me despite the fact that I have not clapped eyes on her father for many many years.
I was her step mum from when she was tiny. I love her beyond explanation and I know she loves me.

Given that she has voluntarily chosen to reside with me when her relationship with her mother is loving and kind it's fairly safe to say she feels welcome with me and valued and considers herself to be a full member of my family.

I have never felt the need to refer to myself as anything other than her step mum nor her as anything other than my step daughter or by her actual name.

I often chat to her about a lot of the step parenting threads on here and this is one that comes up a few times, she has always been surprised that anyone would push themselves on a child like that even indirectly and is glad I never did. Both of us are very proud of the step bits in our titles, it's not second class it's not anything less it just is and is special.

Needs that is lovely.

OP I hope all is well.

Yes - it’s not her daughter. You are not being unreasonable - I’d never refer to my dss as son.

YANBU. It’s nice that she loves and cares for her, but she is not HER daughter and she should not be referring to her as such.

I have two stepkids. I have been in their lives since they were small. When people ask I say I have four kids because I do. The elder two are my stepkids but they are still my kids. My stepkids don't call their half-siblings half's. It's just my brother. The most important thing is that the kids are happy. Having too many adults love them is really not such a bad problem to have. The kids are now older and to be honest I'm sure I would still see my stepkids if we divorced. Why on earth wouldn't I? I've spent over a decade in their lives. It's scary to love kids you have no legal claim over.

I think it just depends, I have a step grandmother but she's just my gran, she's always been a gran to me and biology doesn't matter, DM calls her mum and buys her mother's Day cards etc. She only didn't refer to get as mum in front of her biological mother, who would've been funny about it, but stepmum/gran is a wonderful parent/grandma add much to us as to her biological children and grandchildren, we're all the same to her and have always been treated that way. I don't think it takes away from your role, it's just nice when your DC hours there she has two adults looking after her, not just her DF. I do think step parents can't win on here, they're either too involved or seen as not caring

Oh not another zombie thread, wtf is going on tonight,?!

I think that’s lovely gonzoo - I wouldn’t tell my dss that personally - although to others for example if they’ve said how old is your boy etc I’ve just gone with it. And I think a lot of step grandmas get called Nan too. Funny that really. Me dpnex refers to her step nan as Nan- but sm don’t get the labels.

Needsasok this is lovely!! I did the same with my step mum for a while. X it’s refreshing to read something like this.

I have 3 grown up step sons. Since the second year of being in their lives they have called me mummy no 2 and I have responded with son. When they were younger I needed them to know I thought of them as part of the family they were all siblings together and tbh I love them. In their 20's they still call me mummy no 2 and put it on all my cards. They didn't stop loving their own mum because I loved them.