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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To convince DH to buy a guitar?

158 replies

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 09:09

I'll try to add as much context as I can without dripfeeding.

We had credit card debts of about £25k, mainly from me being ill and overspending every month as well as making wild big purchases. All under control now and we were paying it off, albeit slowly.

Since the end of January DH has been doing an extra 20-25 hrs a week in overtime. Mainly because he's at the end of a big project, but also in part to pay off the debt, he'd have to have done some anyway but not quite this much.

We've now more than halved the debt (its less than £10k now) and the remainder is on a low cost loan.

Dh desperately needs a new guitar. He is a musician in his spare (ha!) time and plays regular gigs. His guitar is over twenty years old and he is constantly fixing it. He was supposed to buy a new one a few years ago but the cash earmarked for it got absorbed into other things.

He has made noises about using this month's OT to buy a new one. I think this is a fabulous idea. But I know him, and I am pretty sure he'll change his mind. He is very frugal and never really buys himself anything unless I force the issue.

So WIBU to really push this? Or even to find one he likes and just buy it for him? He's looked at ones in the shops before for £1500-£2500, which is still less than he'll get this month. I just think he needs something to show for his hard work other than paying off my debts.

He still has a good few months OT to go so the debt will be pretty much cleared by then anyway, but he has lots of gigs in July/August so I want him to have it before then.

AIBU and WWYD?

OP posts:

JemimaCuddleFuck · 20/06/2017 10:26

Considering your previous history of blowing all your money and getting your family into serious debt I would think the very last thing you should consider doing is recklessly spending yet more money. You are still very heavily in debt and your poor husband is having to work overtime for months and months to pay it off. But you're cheerfully planning on spending thousands of pounds on something your husband just does as a hobby. You sound like a nightmare.

Your poor husband doesn't need a nice present as a reward for all his overtime he's worked ffs. He needs a partner who won't keep getting your family into serious debt necessitating him having to work like a dog to pay it off.

Presenting him with a new shiny guitar won't make up for your reckless behaviour in risking your family's financial security. It sounds to me like your husband would love a new guitar but doesn't dare spend the money on himself because you are so irresponsible.

You don't show you love and care about someone by giving them them fancy presents. You show you care about them by not causing them to have to work overtime to pay off your debt, or getting them into huge debt in the first place.

Aren't yout the poster who was joking that you don't work and don't do anything all day but think it's okay that your husband does all the work because you give him blowjobs? Can you even hear yourself?

Bubblesagain · 20/06/2017 10:36

How much money does he make with his musician work? You can get lovely guitars for far cheaper then 2.5k why does he need such an expensive one? I'd be tempted to hold off or go for a cheaper one with the past debt issues.

witsender · 20/06/2017 10:43

I think I remember you from previous posts, and from memory you were poorly at the time and shouldn't cop too much abuse for this... similarly he didn't do much to rein in the spending, enjoying the fruits so to speak!

I would perhaps compromise...a cheaper one maybe? But in essence, yanbu, I would probably be doing the same were it my DH who never spends on himself. But I wouldn't push it.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 20/06/2017 10:48

mainly from me being ill and overspending every month as well as making wild big purchases

Were the wild purchases a symptom of your illness?

I think you should concentrate on clearing off all the debt before making any more large purchases. If your husband decides a guitar purchase isn't expedient at the moment, I would trust his judgement, frankly.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/06/2017 10:49

JemimaCuddleFuck is spot on. Take note of her post.

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 10:59

It was actually his idea, but I want to make sure it happens.

And yes, wild spending was a symptom of my then-untreated bipolar.

And my thread the other day about being caught skiving etc was CLEARLY a lighthearted joke ffs.

His music is a hobby but it's very important to him and it breaks my heart that he's limping on with a crappy broken guitar. He is too selfless to buy himself a new one but he would absolutely do it if I make it happen. I just wanted to be sure it was sensible. Tbf even if we didn't have the debt he'd probably spend money on a family holiday or something for the kids or a new patio rather than something just for himself.

OP posts:

KidLorneRoll · 20/06/2017 11:00

1.5k to 2.5k is, presumably putting him in Gibson/Top end fender territory or similar.

Really, no need to spend that amount of money - especially if you can't afford it - on an instrument for gigging. Pay a decent Luthier to fix his existing guitar or spend a few hundred on a MIM fender or an epiphone. If he has decent pickups/hardware in his existing guitar swap them out and put them in the replacement.

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:03

Also, the debt has never been unmanageable. We've been able to maintain a good standard of living while paying it off, he just saw the opportunity to use his overtime to clear it in a few months.

I also wouldn't call less than 10k 'serious debt' in our situation but I expect I'll get blasted for that.

I'm not some kind of awful selfish layabout who fritters money, I was very ill for a long time and have worked very hard not to be. I just want to make sure dh does something nice for himself.

OP posts:

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/06/2017 11:04

It's absolutely not sensible. It's an awful idea.

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:05

Kid I have no idea what any of that means

I also have no idea what guitars cost, I'm just going on the ones he's pointed out recently. They might be dream guitars though as it wasn't in a shopping context. If he picks out a cheaper one then that's awesome.

OP posts:

Pinkheart5912 · 20/06/2017 11:07

I don't think it's sensible at all, you've got 10k worth of debt and clearing that should be the priority right now!

Once you are debt free, save up and buy the guitar so your not using credit again

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:07

Could you explain why it's an awful idea?

The rest of my debt is on a loan that is costing £190 a month and will be paid off in two years. We could quite happily leave it be IMO. Dh is earning up to £3k a month in overtime right now. I don't think it's ridiculous to say for one month that he should forget the debt and blow it on something fabulous for himself.

OP posts:

Bubblesagain · 20/06/2017 11:08

I second kid, realistically he doesn't need that expensive a guitar for just a hobby/side job. Discuss The options with him he might prefer to pay off the debts and save for a more expensive one after rather then buy a cheaper one now, but I don't think it would be the best to buy such an expensive one now.

Bubblesagain · 20/06/2017 11:09

Dh is earning up to £3k a month in overtime right now.

How much does he have left over after everything is paid for?

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:11

We have a family budget after all bills of £1500. Without the overtime.

That's food, petrol and spends.

It a lot more than we had when I was overspending as he's had a couple of hefty pay rises.

OP posts:

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/06/2017 11:11

It's an awful idea because you're still in debt and your poor husband is working himself into the grave to fucking fix it for you.

The last thing he needs is you spending even more money on something completely unnecessary.

Listen to what people are telling you. Reread JemimaCuddleFuck's post. You may not want to hear it, but it's absolutely spot on.

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:13

It's not spot on. Not at all.

I'm not reckless with money and I'm not some layabout who makes dh work like a dog in exchange for blow jobs.

I should have known better than to post in AIBU though.

OP posts:

KidLorneRoll · 20/06/2017 11:14

Basically, 1.5k - 2.5k is definitely into more money than you need to spend territory - certainly unless his existing instrument is beyond help he'd be able to get a professional to fix it for less than that - unless it's something completely structural like, I dunno, the neck has snapped off or something and even then....

These days you can get perfectly good guitars that will survive being gigged from around £200 and up, especially if you go second hand. If he hasn't bought a guitar in a while he will probably be surprised just how much better budget instruments are these days compared to 10 years ago.

If you are stuggling with debt 1.5k+ does seem a bit daft.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 20/06/2017 11:14

t a lot more than we had when I was overspending as he's had a couple of hefty pay rises.

That's great. He'll be able to pay off that £25k on CC in no time at all. Then he can think of guitar purchases.

You should stay away from the CC. Ideally, cut them up once the debt is cleared.

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:15

And buying a guitar won't take us further into debt, we'll still be making payments towards it and will still all be cleared by September. By which time he'll have done most of his gigs for a year and will probably find another excuse for not buying himself a much needed guitar.

OP posts:

Bubblesagain · 20/06/2017 11:15

With that much spair cash per month it'd be so much better to pay down the loan, you could pay it off in a couple of months vs two years and then be in a debt free way to save up for what you want like guitars or other purchases

LiveLongAndProspero · 20/06/2017 11:16

The last thing he needs is you spending even more money on something completely unnecessary

Only a non musician or someone who doesn't live with one would think this is completely unnecessary. To a serious musician you can no more not play your instrument than you can eat.

In your particular situation OP, I would say to tell your OH to spend some of his OT on a new guitar for himself. He deserves it, you can afford it and your debt is being managed and will be paid off soon.

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:16

And we are not struggling with debt. And it's not £25k, it's about £9800.

And HE did think of it, I am just planning on making sure it happens.

OP posts:

KidLorneRoll · 20/06/2017 11:16

Also... guitars hold value reasonably well. If he absolutely needs one just now, buy a more affordable one and flog it when you are on a more even keel.

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:17

Bubbles are you not reading my posts? He has guaranteed overtime for at least the next three months after this. It will be more than enough to completely clear the debt.

OP posts:

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