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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To convince DH to buy a guitar?

158 replies

EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 09:09

I'll try to add as much context as I can without dripfeeding.

We had credit card debts of about £25k, mainly from me being ill and overspending every month as well as making wild big purchases. All under control now and we were paying it off, albeit slowly.

Since the end of January DH has been doing an extra 20-25 hrs a week in overtime. Mainly because he's at the end of a big project, but also in part to pay off the debt, he'd have to have done some anyway but not quite this much.

We've now more than halved the debt (its less than £10k now) and the remainder is on a low cost loan.

Dh desperately needs a new guitar. He is a musician in his spare (ha!) time and plays regular gigs. His guitar is over twenty years old and he is constantly fixing it. He was supposed to buy a new one a few years ago but the cash earmarked for it got absorbed into other things.

He has made noises about using this month's OT to buy a new one. I think this is a fabulous idea. But I know him, and I am pretty sure he'll change his mind. He is very frugal and never really buys himself anything unless I force the issue.

So WIBU to really push this? Or even to find one he likes and just buy it for him? He's looked at ones in the shops before for £1500-£2500, which is still less than he'll get this month. I just think he needs something to show for his hard work other than paying off my debts.

He still has a good few months OT to go so the debt will be pretty much cleared by then anyway, but he has lots of gigs in July/August so I want him to have it before then.

AIBU and WWYD?

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/06/2017 11:18

You're not listening, OP. What a surprise.

I feel so, so sorry for your husband. Working so hard and you just recklessly spending money.

Why post on AIBU if you weren't prepared to be told you were being unreasonable?

VeryButchyRestingFace · 20/06/2017 11:20

And we are not struggling with debt. And it's not £25k, it's about £9800.

Fab. 🙂 So pay off the £10,000 first. Won't take long. Then he can think about the guitar.

I'm not surprised he's cautious after a £25k CC debt.

Bubblesagain · 20/06/2017 11:21

Yes I'm reading your posts Hmm it's far better to be debt free quickly and first, what if he's in a car accident tomorrow and can't work for a couple of months, paying down debt should be priority imo.

But you don't want opinions, so yes yanbu go buy the ridiculously over priced guitar when you still have debts!

SongforSal · 20/06/2017 11:23

Um. I have several guitars. The most I have ever paid is 60 quid. You grow into a guitar, have string preference ect....I only play on one of mine, as the others 'feel wrong'. Unless the guitar was signed by Axel Rose himself, there is no way I would spend that much. Yikes. although I would lovingly stare at an expensive one and clean it and look at it and hold it because you can never have to many

BoysofMelody · 20/06/2017 11:23

Buy a cheap-ish guitar (not dirt cheap, obviously, but something serviceable) rather than the guitar of his dreams or get his current guitar fixed if that's economically viable. For a quality guitar, twenty years is nothing, professional musicians use vintage guitars from the 60s and 70s all the time.

Now is not the time to be splurging.

lifetothefull · 20/06/2017 11:26

This sort of purchase needs to be his choice not bought for him by someone who doesn't know about guitars. Let him weigh up the pros and cons. Let him decide if he wants a cheaper one or if he will wait and buy more expensive one later. By all means encourage him to go for it. It will help him to know that you are in favor of him buying it.

Original poster
EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:30

That's basically what I'm planning to do. Not strong arm him, but take him to the music shop and get him to choose one. Last time he looked he wimped out at the till. I just want to push him to go through with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:31

And I totally accept that the £2.5k guitar is a dream purchase, he's unlikely to choose one that expensive when it comes to it.

OP posts:
SleightOfHand · 20/06/2017 11:35

OP, it sounds like you want to spend for thrills, they're so short lived it's just not worth it. Have you noticed the biggest rock musicians have beat up old favourite guitars they use.

mamakoukla · 20/06/2017 11:37

Hi Essie, would it be possible to hold back a few months? You write that you could clear the debt by then. Delayed gratification, and sweetened by losing the milk stone of debt. It is lovely you want to do something for him but i would temper it with clearing the debt first. Celebrate being debt free by marking the occasion with something for him

Butterymuffin · 20/06/2017 11:41

If he's managed till now, he can carry on with the old guitar (shades of Tabby McTat) a few months longer. And it should be a few hundred quid max, nowhere near the amount you've mentioned.

Ifailed · 20/06/2017 11:46

maybe a sensible compromise would be for him to take his current guitar along to a decent repairer and get it fixed up so it'll last until your debt is cleared?

Flyingprettycretonnecurtains · 20/06/2017 11:50

Could you secretly squirrel away some money to save up for a new guitar for Christmas. Musicians do need decent instruments and I think it is really good that you want him to have something for him after all he has done rescuing the situation. However, it might give him stress in adding to debt, the burden of paying off and potential worry that your symptoms are returning. Perhaps a better way might be to look for a second hand one. Agree a budget with him, or, if he really wants a shiny new one, then open up a savings account and save £100 per month into it. Yes, he won't have his guitar by the summer but he will have one by next summer with less stress.

You sound like you are really living within your means now so well done (sorry, that sounds patronising - it isn't meant to be) but he's due some security for all his hard work and knowing that this debt will be gone in the nearish future will lift a load from both your minds. You obviously take a more happy go luvvky approach, but as another poster has said, illness, redundancy, ect can strike at a moment's notice so best to clear debt first. However, if he initiates a 'look what I've found advertised, it's a really good price' then I'd go for it.

RoseVase2010 · 20/06/2017 11:50

What does he do to the guitar for it to need repairing? My Dad has a guitar that's over 60 years old now and 90% of his collection must be over 20 years old, all in perfect working order.

I would save your money and pay off the debt. If you an afford £2.5k on a guitar then you could clear the £10k in four months.

JemimaCuddleFuck · 20/06/2017 11:52

"I don't think it's ridiculous to say for one month that he should forget the debt and blow it on something fabulous for himself"

And that is presumably exactly the attitude which got you into £25K worth of debt in the first place? Your husband is clearly hesitant to spend any money on himself right now because you are still very much in debt. Thank god one of you is thinking straight because being 10K is still very much in debt. The fact you are trivialising this amount just shows how far gone you are especially as you're not even the one working to pay it off.

It doesn't matter how much your husband is earning per month right now. Anything could happen, he could become ill or the business he works for could close, and he can't rely on you and he is the only one keeping the roof over your head.

No sensible adult would welcome a very expensive gift no matter how 'fabulous' it is when you're already heavily in debt, especially when the gift giver is the one who got him into all this debt in the first place. Your attitude sounds very immature to be honest.

You can't buy happiness or peace of mind for your poor husband. You are giving him what you think he wants but it's most definitely not what he needs. People don't need fabulous presents, what they need is a partner they can rely on to not jepordise their finances.

Wait until you are certain you are debt free and then get the guitar, your husband will be able to enjoy it far more then.

Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 11:55

Your husband deserves to spend some of his money on himself, yes. You don't get to spend your husband's money right now, even on a gift for him. It's coming across like you want to spend, and I really doubt he's up for more of your spending.

Just step away from the finances for a while.

If he's had big pay rises and is working like a dog, I'm sure he's really looking forward to getting to October and spending his hard-earned money on himself. Let him have that opportunity without you muscling in.

Original poster
EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:58

The debt wasn't because of any 'attitude'. It's because I was very ill, manic at first and then very very depressed for a long time and just buried my head about it.

He has always been weird about spending money on himself, going back to well before I came on the scene.

And it wouldn't be a gift, he'd be buying it. I'm just going to convince him that it's ok to do so.

OP posts:
Original poster
EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 11:59

And I'm going to say it again, this was HIS SUGGESTION. I just want to make sure he follows through this time instead of prioritising the rest of us as usual.

OP posts:
VeryButchyRestingFace · 20/06/2017 12:06

And I'm going to say it again, this was HIS SUGGESTION.

And then he changed his mind. He's allowed to do that, surely? Confused

I just want to make sure he follows through this time instead of prioritising the rest of us as usual.

Sounds as if he is prioritising all of you, including him. Being in £25,000 of CC debt must have been very shocking. Putting himself in a position of clearing it all off ASAP is surely in his best interests, as much as yours.

Tbh, this purchase sounds more about assuaging your very understandable feelings of guilt, than doing something for him.

Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 12:09

Why can't he do it in October when you're out of debt? That's only four months away.

Original poster
EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 12:13

He hasn't changed his mind. I'm just guessing that he might.

And yes, it is a bit about guilt. I think out of all the months of overtime he's earned he should be able to have one decent thing that's just for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
EssieTregowan · 20/06/2017 12:15

Kezi, his current guitar is unreliable and literally falling to bits. He has gigs almost every weekend through July and August and it would be perfect if he had a nice, shiny, well deserved guitar to play for them.

OP posts:
DoJo · 20/06/2017 12:18

Why can't he get his guitar fixed?

Kezi4 · 20/06/2017 12:19

You say he backed out at the till last time - did you discuss why?

I think you're so keen due to feeling guilty and you have a more laid-back attitude to finances, but fundamentally it's his decision. I think it'd be good for you to discuss it, but wrong of you to push him into it.

If he's anything like me, a fun part of making a big decision is researching different options and thinking about it for a while, anyway. He's clearly aware he could afford to buy a new guitar if he wanted to, and hasn't. I think you should respect that.

Butterymuffin · 20/06/2017 12:20

Get a cheap second hand one then.