To convince DH to buy a guitar?

[EssieTregowan]

I'll try to add as much context as I can without dripfeeding.

We had credit card debts of about £25k, mainly from me being ill and overspending every month as well as making wild big purchases. All under control now and we were paying it off, albeit slowly.

Since the end of January DH has been doing an extra 20-25 hrs a week in overtime. Mainly because he's at the end of a big project, but also in part to pay off the debt, he'd have to have done some anyway but not quite this much.

We've now more than halved the debt (its less than £10k now) and the remainder is on a low cost loan.

Dh desperately needs a new guitar. He is a musician in his spare (ha!) time and plays regular gigs. His guitar is over twenty years old and he is constantly fixing it. He was supposed to buy a new one a few years ago but the cash earmarked for it got absorbed into other things.

He has made noises about using this month's OT to buy a new one. I think this is a fabulous idea. But I know him, and I am pretty sure he'll change his mind. He is very frugal and never really buys himself anything unless I force the issue.

So WIBU to really push this? Or even to find one he likes and just buy it for him? He's looked at ones in the shops before for £1500-£2500, which is still less than he'll get this month. I just think he needs something to show for his hard work other than paying off my debts.

He still has a good few months OT to go so the debt will be pretty much cleared by then anyway, but he has lots of gigs in July/August so I want him to have it before then.

AIBU and WWYD?

Essie you've had a really hard time on this thread and some of the replies (and badgering from certain posters like Jemima) were distinctly nasty, considering the circumstances. I'm sorry you were upset by it.

I too have a lot of guilt and a DH who never ever spends money on himself - it's not a good combination. At least you have talked about it and are taking the best route, you can still "look forward" to him getting a new guitar in the future.

I tend to restrain myself just buy DH little cheap treats here and there (nice coffee, shaving gel he likes etc) so he knows I think of him. If you feel like you want to "treat"'him (and I get that feeling) would it be an option to perhaps squirrel away a little amount here and there and put it towards a guitar related accessory when he gets the new one? I know fuck all about guitars, I'm imagining a strap or little things for your fingers )

If encouraging you to squirrel is a bad idea I'm sorry I think this thread has not been so good for you and I think on a different day or not in fucking AIBU and with less twats hectoring it might have been better. Hope you're OK.

Respect your husband for once

Seriously? Don't be a dick.

I think you've taken this thread really well @Essie.

Your DH sounds wonderful and very supportive - I hope things work out for the both of you, and that you get your debt cleared as soon as possible.

Thanks all of you. Even the harsh people. It's made me reframe a lot of what I was thinking tbh, although I still refute the idea that I'm an awful spendthrift and my husband is some long suffering guy who just puts up with me.

He's promised to start taking more for himself though after our chat, even if that's just buying a new album or going to the cinema or something. It really bothers me that he goes without. It's not even really about the money, but he literally works seven days a week into the evening.

Pleased for you that there's a resolution you've agreed on

This sort of reminded me of something that happened years ago...

I had a boyfriend who was unemployed. He was fun to be around but actually a bit of a cock. Early 20s, no children, didn't live together. I had a ft job.

Anyway hot day and the ice cream man comes round. He wants to get me one, but had no cash. I wasn't fussed but he was pestering me. I 'lent' him a fiver. although he didn't have money so couldn't have repaid me

Anyway - he buys the most humungous comedy ice cream and marches back in - all triumphant.

I was really pissed off. It made me look really greedy, it was wasteful as I'd never eat it all and it was my money!

He then did a sad face as I was ungrateful.

Anyway. This is a different tale, and I'm not comparing you to my ex, but it brought back the feeling of being out of control when he was trying to do something nice and didn't listen.

The joy your DH when purchasing what he really wants will be fabulous. Good luck!

I've just read that back and I don't think my story is very relevant at all. Sorry op.

No, it is! There is definitely an element of 'give me your money and I'll buy you something awesome' involved. But it is a bit more nuanced than that. I want him to have fabulous things but I appreciate that for him having no debt would be more fabulous.

Did you DH get a guitar?