Should I take the job when I cheated to get it

[Fuzzywuzzy1]

Name changed.

I'm rubbish at interviews and had failed at over 7 over 6 months.

I had a job coming up and I knew there was a friend of a friend who could help me. I admit I was manipulative. I gave her a bit of a sob story about how I was so depressed I couldn't get a job (it was true though). Knowing she would put a good word in for me.

So she told the hiring manager I was brilliant and the person she wanted to get the job etc. She worked for the same department previously and was very well respected so this personal recommendation mattered. But while it helps there is a 'merit' based system so while it's not point based it's an overall mark for your answer.

So the friend found out the questions beforehand for me and rang me to give me them and then sat down with me the following week and told me what to say for each one.

When the day of the interview came I obviously excelled as I knew the questions and answers. There was one question I didn't know but gave a good answer anyway.

I got the job and was delighted. I am qualified for the job and competent but I'm so so rubbish at interviews.

As my start date goes nearer I my excitement has gone.

I cheated.

I would not have known the answers without help and had a HUGE advantage over the other candidates. I don't think I would be sacked if found out and there's no way they could prove it anyway but I just feel bad.

Like I've not got the job on merit.

But then loads of people get jobs because of who they know every day.

So maybe I should forgive myself.

AIBU to feel really guilty?

Men apply for a job when they meet only 60% of the qualifications, but women apply only if they meet 100% of them.
(from a Hewlett Packard internal report)

Plenty of people get a job through a friend of a friend - nepotism.
Take the job and stop stressing about it.

OP you will never be safe so long as someone else knows what you did to get this job.

You're kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

Wonder if the friend gets a finder's fee when the OP starts? My firm pays from £1k to £5k to staff if they recommend someone who is recruited. Otherwise seems a bit odd for a "friend of a friend" to act in such a morally bankrupt way.

Why isnt nepotism treated with this amount of anger?

In my field you and she would very likely be dismissed for obtaining unfair advantage over other potential candidates

Come to think of it, don't applications for permanent work often ask if you're connected in any way to people already working there ... or at least have something to sign which declares you've not done any canvassing to secure the job? If this one did, I'd personally worry that this might start a line of enquiry, should anything go wrong with how OP performs the job

How are people saying its not cheating it's networking?! Networking is getting the interview. Getting the questions is cheating. It's not imposter syndrome - it's cheating (OP may well be prone to imposter syndrome, but that's a separate issue).

You don't have Impostor Syndrome - that's where people who have got a role fair and square don't feel good enough

You have cheated - getting the questions in advance and being coached on the "right" answers. Own that decision.

I'm pretty aghast, though, at the moral bankruptcy of MN, with all the posters telling you that this is "initiative", "networking", or "everyone does it". It's dishonesty. And what you and your friend have done would be career ending for both of you, if exposed, in my industry, and no doubt others.

Puzzled yes, in my organisation you do have to state any relationship you have with someone in a position of authority such as a Manager.

Quite seriously the responses from the majority of the posters on here have astonished me.

I'm pretty shocked too, at some of the pp's responses.

You only have to state if you're in a relationship or a close friend of anyone on th interview panel.

I wouldn't worry. You didn't ask her to get the questions. She just did it for you. Sometimes you need a leg up.

I've seen far worse than this. Lots of men people blag their way into jobs they are not qualified for and no good at.

I often act as referee for people and always I'm asked to comment on the candidate's honesty. So if this came to light OP and you were dismissed and needed a reference, how would what you have done help you?

Seriously. This isn't nicking a biro from office supplies and taking it home with you!

I've also worked alongside many senior management teams and seen some shocking behaviour. 'Fixing' it so the preferred candidate gets the job even though they are less qualified and 'getting rid' of perfectly decent people because their face doesn't fit.

I do laugh at these threads. If people knew what went on in some Boardrooms up and down the country they might have a different attitude.

Yes, you cheated and that's wrong, but sometimes we have to do things that are wrong. It doesn't necessarily make you a bad person.
Another example would be taking a sickie when you have something important to do and you know you can't get the day off. I've known someone take a sickie to move house - it couldn't really be held. Forgive yourself and try to live a good life most of the time. When you get your first pay packet you could give a donation to charity.

" 'Fixing' it so the preferred candidate gets the job even though they are less qualified and 'getting rid' of perfectly decent people because their face doesn't fit."

Yes. Also 'managing someone out' giving them impossible tasks so they have to leave/go off on stress.

I have been to many interviews where the 'corporate' questions are easily answered by internal candidates - this is unfair on external candidates

OP got offered an interview on her CV - she was therefor qualified and met the requirements of the job prior to interview

They must have liked her - so wasboffered the job

...personal and professional integrity are absolutely essential. I think what you did was completely dishonest and if I found out as your employer subsequently I would (potentially) dismiss you.

^^ this. And then I would fire your friend too.

Knowing someone / helping hand is one thing - coaching you with the specific interview questions is so wrong.

This really isn't the same as taking a sickie.

OP, were the questions "technical", e.g. "When using a Thingydoodle machine at 5.4 gigawatts, what is the correct cooldown process?"

Or were they competency type, e.g. "Tell us about a time when you managed a difficult negotiation"?

If the latter then I wouldn't say that was necessarily cheating, but if they were technical questions then I think you're bang out of order. Technical questions at interview are to make sure you have the skills and knowledge required for the post. So if as you stated you had no idea of the answers if you hadn't been fed them, I think you might be about to come a cropper.

bluetongue - why? Taking a sickie is normally a bad thing. It's dishonest, it puts pressure on your colleagues (we're presuming it's a day you wouldn't be able to take off) BUT sometimes it's necessary, just like sometimes it's necessary to get a job.
Stealing is wrong, but if your children are starving, it's understandable. It's not black and white.

I also sympathise because I'm good at jobs, but no good at interviews.

I think folk are missing the point. It doesn't matter what other folk do (if it's wrong it's wrong even of the whole world is doing it). The OP cheated pure and simple now she must live the consequences - good or bad. I just know I couldn't sleep at night but she appears able to.

Karma is a bitch (and she loves payment with interest) so although everything is honky dory now payback could be due down the line

They were technical questions.

I'm newly qualified. I didn't know the answers before. I'd not have got the job.

I have now made sure my knowledge is completely upto date and believe I will be goods the job.

I agree that you cheated and it's wrong.

I personally really value integrity and wouldn't think it was worth it if you don't have integrity. I know of someone who backstabbed other pepole to get the job they've got. I wouldn't want a job in such circumstances I don't think.

But I recognise other people have different values to me.

The job is based on knowing law/legislation.

You can have an overall knowledge but only experienced workers would be expected to know every single bit of each 'act'.

The interview selects broad areas of legislation that you have to answer.

Sometimes you're lucky and it's an area you know well. Other times it's one you don't know.

Obviously I knew the exact questions so knew what to say. But it happens the questions asked had been areas I didn't know about. There were 2 questions out of 6 I knew.

I might have still come across well as I looked the part and was confident. But I don't know for definite.