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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I take the job when I cheated to get it

309 replies

Fuzzywuzzy1 · 18/06/2017 09:22

Name changed.

I'm rubbish at interviews and had failed at over 7 over 6 months.

I had a job coming up and I knew there was a friend of a friend who could help me. I admit I was manipulative. I gave her a bit of a sob story about how I was so depressed I couldn't get a job (it was true though). Knowing she would put a good word in for me.

So she told the hiring manager I was brilliant and the person she wanted to get the job etc. She worked for the same department previously and was very well respected so this personal recommendation mattered. But while it helps there is a 'merit' based system so while it's not point based it's an overall mark for your answer.

So the friend found out the questions beforehand for me and rang me to give me them and then sat down with me the following week and told me what to say for each one.

When the day of the interview came I obviously excelled as I knew the questions and answers. There was one question I didn't know but gave a good answer anyway.

I got the job and was delighted. I am qualified for the job and competent but I'm so so rubbish at interviews.

As my start date goes nearer I my excitement has gone.

I cheated.

I would not have known the answers without help and had a HUGE advantage over the other candidates. I don't think I would be sacked if found out and there's no way they could prove it anyway but I just feel bad.

Like I've not got the job on merit.

But then loads of people get jobs because of who they know every day.

So maybe I should forgive myself.

AIBU to feel really guilty?

OP posts:
FacelikeaBagofHammers · 18/06/2017 09:37

I also think that despite having 'the right answers', you wouldn't have been hired at all unless they liked you and your attitude, so for all you know, that may have been the deciding factor.

I like the idea of donating part of your first paycheck if you need to ease your guilt!

Allthewaves · 18/06/2017 09:38

Iv your friend felt you were worthy of the job. Take the job, throw yourself into it and prove to yourself and your friend that it was the right decision

sparechange · 18/06/2017 09:38

I don't think there is always a correlation between your ability to ace an interview and your ability to be great at your job

I've hired people who have been outstanding at interview and then hopeless at the job and we've had to get rid of them during their probabtion.

One of the best people who works for me at the moment has no social confidence at all and would be useless at a competency-type interview but is fantastic at her job (she joined the company before me so I don't know how she was at her actual interview)

Now is the time to prove that you deserve this job and can do it well. Put everything into doing it well and no one is ever going to question your interview process...

PerpendicularVincent · 18/06/2017 09:38

I think Onna has some good ideas.

You're competent and qualified for the role but struggle at interviews, so pulled in a few favours to get ahead. Yes, it isn't the most honest thing in the world, but show me a person needing a job who wouldn't do the same.

Take the job, work hard and repay your friend's faith in you by doing well. I doubt she would have recommended you and risked her reputation if you weren't up for it.

Then use some of your first wage, whatever you can, to help someone struggling, as Onna suggested. Donating some items to a foodbank or a charitable donation maybe. That way, something else positive (as well as you getting work) has come from the 'lie'.

Then forgive yourself and move on.

katronfon · 18/06/2017 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenTulips · 18/06/2017 09:44

Well you may have got the job - now you have to prove you can keep the job! I'm sure you'll do well.

I failed an interview but ended up working temp for the company and it was obvious I was miles better at the job than the one they employed - now there another job going and I have to apply knowing I'll fail the interview again

Fanciedachange17 · 18/06/2017 09:50

Look at it this way, the other candidates could have done the same thing if they had used their initiatives. (Maybe they did?).

Your employers know you REALLY wanted this job so will put heart and soul into it.

You sound a decent honourable person or you wouldn't be questioning yourself. Like a previous pp said - pay it back (or forward) and do something amazing for someone else who needs a hand.

Be grateful for the job and don't allow yourself to begin complaining about minor niggles when you get established. Sort them out instead.

Enjoy it and most certainly forgive yourself as you were obviously right for the job. If I was in this employers shoes and found all this out I'd be absolutely certain I had chosen the best candidate. Someone who took real action to get it.

Well done you.

Mexxi · 18/06/2017 09:51

My niece has applied for so many jobs she has lost count. If I had the opportuinity to help her as your friend helped you, then i would do it. I agree with Matilda - your friend wouldn't have given you so much help if she hadn't thought you were up to the job.

Okay- so you may have been given advantages that other candidates didn't, but the best thing you can do now is prove your worth and prove your friend right and do the very best job you can.

mydietstartsmonday · 18/06/2017 09:51

Take the job and be brilliant.

user1471545174 · 18/06/2017 09:52

My world has gone.

lieka · 18/06/2017 09:53

Depends - what sort of job is it? Can you do it?

No offence at all but if (say) you're looking after vulnerable people and have no real idea how to do that beyond faked answers, then yes I'd think this was really stupid if you.

If you just knew they were going to ask "what did you think of our latest marketing campaign", and you'd given an honest answer, that's a bit different.

Original poster
Fuzzywuzzy1 · 18/06/2017 09:55

It's a very skilled and highly responsible profession. My salary will be 36k a year. Definitely not working in a cafe or similar!

But I'm qualified for the job. I had to take years of training and got a degree to be qualified. I am competent.

I get an interview for every single job I apply for. I have excellent experience . I just do rubbish at interview. I applied for 7 jobs in 6 months. Got 7 interviews and failed them all.

I think it was partly because my heart wasn't in it. This job I REALLY wanted. And know I had to do something different to get it.

OP posts:
Catminion · 18/06/2017 10:00

I know people in my organisation that have done this, it's not right. I have colleagues that lied and bullshitted to get jobs.

However YOU got through the interview and YOU answered the questions - don't put yourself down. Go ahead and take the job.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/06/2017 10:01

Be proud of yourself and make the most of your job.

NashvilleQueen · 18/06/2017 10:03

Maybe a lone voice but possibly because of the sector I work in (legal) where personal and professional integrity are absolutely essential. I think what you did was completely dishonest and if I found out as your employer subsequently I would (potentially) dismiss you. There is a huge difference between using contacts to find out about current issues and challenges and having sight of the questions and being fed with model answers. Other candidates didn't stand a chance and there was no level playing field. If my child did this in an exam I couldn't possibly defend her actions on the basis of just using nous or similar.

I have no doubt you will take the job but it would worry me everyday about being found out. I also hope that you can actually do the job.

nosugarthanks · 18/06/2017 10:03

OP. It's who you know and what strings you can pull, and if that's ok with you good on you. You owe your friend now I guess, I wonder when she will call the debt in - you may find yourself looking over your shoulder until that happens. If you think she's nice and would never do that, well she helped a mate cheat to get the job didn't she?

I wish we all had mates that would give us the questions beforehand - then and only then will it be a level playing field. You will always know what you did, and the reason you did not get an eighth interview fail. Hmm

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 18/06/2017 10:03

A friend has recently applied for a job at my company. They use competency-based questions based on the company values, so I've been able to let him know what they are likely to ask so that he can prepare examples.

Yes, technically it's not fair on the other external candidates. But the internals will have that advantage and I know he'll be great at the job. I interview people for my team and tbh their qualifications and experience are all I really care about, the competency questions just feel like an HR box-ticking exercise.

You are well qualified and competent. I would say stop beating yourself up and pay her back by being the best you possibly can in the role.

AmyBrookheimer · 18/06/2017 10:03

For me where the line was crossed was your contact giving you actual questions and also the answers to those questions. I'd have no problem at all with you talking to your contact and asking for help/company background/likely areas of competence etc, that's showing initiative and networking. The other bit is cheating, as you acknowledge, and I wouldn't feel good about it.

nosugarthanks · 18/06/2017 10:04

Cross posts with NashvilleQueen.

x2boys · 18/06/2017 10:04

do you think you will be good at the job if so take it i know many people who excelled at interviews [ nursing ] only to be crap once in the job and vice versa

OhWellNeverMindEh · 18/06/2017 10:04

You deserve the job. Put it behind you, don't let it bog you down. Get in there, do a great job and you'll forget about it.

This comes from somebody who is anal about doing the right thing and being honest (my DH calls me the moral police).

Put a line under this now and enjoy your new job. Agree with pp who said no good can come of anyone knowing, especially for your friend.

Go get 'em girl, shine like a star ⭐️

NashvilleQueen · 18/06/2017 10:04

Oh and she would be up for disciplinary as well.

OhWellNeverMindEh · 18/06/2017 10:06

So are you saying don't take he job?

AntiGrinch · 18/06/2017 10:06

That's not cheating! that's preparing!

This happens all the time. Everyone has help of various kinds to get where they are. You did the prep, you turned up to interview and performed. DON'T LET THIS GUILT RUIN YOUR CHANCES.

This is imposter syndrome. Google it.

OhWellNeverMindEh · 18/06/2017 10:07

To nashville - is that the best way to fix this and for op to mantain the moral high ground? Genuine question, not goading.