Should I take the job when I cheated to get it

[Fuzzywuzzy1]

Name changed.

I'm rubbish at interviews and had failed at over 7 over 6 months.

I had a job coming up and I knew there was a friend of a friend who could help me. I admit I was manipulative. I gave her a bit of a sob story about how I was so depressed I couldn't get a job (it was true though). Knowing she would put a good word in for me.

So she told the hiring manager I was brilliant and the person she wanted to get the job etc. She worked for the same department previously and was very well respected so this personal recommendation mattered. But while it helps there is a 'merit' based system so while it's not point based it's an overall mark for your answer.

So the friend found out the questions beforehand for me and rang me to give me them and then sat down with me the following week and told me what to say for each one.

When the day of the interview came I obviously excelled as I knew the questions and answers. There was one question I didn't know but gave a good answer anyway.

I got the job and was delighted. I am qualified for the job and competent but I'm so so rubbish at interviews.

As my start date goes nearer I my excitement has gone.

I cheated.

I would not have known the answers without help and had a HUGE advantage over the other candidates. I don't think I would be sacked if found out and there's no way they could prove it anyway but I just feel bad.

Like I've not got the job on merit.

But then loads of people get jobs because of who they know every day.

So maybe I should forgive myself.

AIBU to feel really guilty?

Wow I'm shocked this is considered okay by so many.

I thought the old boys network and the whole who you known thing was happening less (so people have told me on mn over the years.) I feel sad for my kids chances after uni (and even for mind reentering the workforce)

How on earth is it a fair process.

This happens a lot. Am positive your friend wouldn't have done this if OP didn't have some talent.

Take the job.

For me the simple question is whether it morally accetable for adults to intentionally cheat to gain advancement in a way that, presumably, it is not for a child.

Personally I think it is unquestionably dishonest and attempts to justify or explain are mitigation at best. I wouldn't have done it nor would I ever do what your 'friend' did in supplying thequestions and answers to you.

I think you should take the job.

The reality is, it was still you in the interviews giving the answers that they clearly liked.
It's still your application.
Your friend still thought you were worth doing all of this for.

Getting a little extra help doesn't exactly change the fact that they still liked you as a candidate.

(But make sure you thank your friend properly! Flowers/ coffee/ meal etc )

@123beanie It wasn't her giving the answers that they liked, it was her repeating the answers her friend had given her.

You needed the job and you are competent - take the job and don't feel guilty. Not everybody is great at interviews!

I've seen many an incompetent gobshite ace an interview but be totally useless at the actual job.

For me the simple question is whether it morally accetable for adults to intentionally cheat to gain advancement in a way that, presumably, it is not for a child

Tutors for 4+, 7+, 11+. Those with parents who can afford to pay for help, practice papers, learn how to pass the exams. ARe they cheating compared to those with less knowledgeble or wealthy parents?

Private school, is that cheating when you're applying to uni with your average exam results from southside comp? The comp i was at didn't teach exam technique, it was a revelation to me when someone showed me how to predict the questions and learn less, but more thoroughly.

Some schools prepare thoroughly for uni applications. My friend had mock interviews, tutoring on how to write a personal statement, on how to fill in the application form.

Is that cheating? Or using your/your parents position to gain advancement/a uni place? Should sebastian or henry turn down their place at oxbridge because Chardonnay didn't have the help and advantages they did?

If o/p is genuinely a good candidate and just needed help with interview and the answers that interviewers would be looking for, fine. If she used her friend to cover holes in her knowledge then yes it is cheating, but that will be found out when she starts work and they realise she's clueless...

reallyanotherone: "Is that cheating? Or using your/your parents position to gain advancement/a uni place? Should sebastian or henry turn down their place at oxbridge because Chardonnay didn't have the help and advantages they did?"

Those things you describe are certainly deeply unfair. But universities know they happen, so in that sense they are not cheating. It's up to Oxford and Cambridge, in my view, to take into account the fact that private school pupils are massively better prepared than state school ones.

But if you went for your Oxford interview and you'd been fed the questions - and the ideal answers - beforehand, that would be cheating, pure and simple. You know it. Everyone here knows it. Everyone knows that if the OP's employer found out what she would done they would regard it as fraud and sack her. The attempt to obfuscate and pretend it's all OK really because some people aren't very good at interviews is quite shocking. What's extraordinary is that some people even seem to have deluded themselves that this is the case.

Just for the record Oxford Uni can spot a too well prepared candidate a mile off. And if that happens they will simply change the interview questions accordingly. Granted they might not be able to spot the cheats all the time but they do know it goes on and do make every effort to minimise it.

I hope there's enough identifying information on this thread for it to ring a bell with somebody within the company, and for this to be looked into. I am in full agreement with everything Flowery said.

You don't deserve this job and your contact within the company deserves to be dismissed from her role.

Just for the record Oxford Uni can spot a too well prepared candidate a mile off.

Then chances are so can employers. If the o/p turned up with clearly prepared answers to specific questions, no hesitations, ums and ers, no asking to repeat the question, I would have thought it pretty obvious that she had at least an idea of what to expect. I'm sure the panel can discern the difference between someone who doesn't understand the answers they are parroting, and someone who has the knowledge. All it takes is to ask them to elaborate on a certain point

When i worked for the civil service it was usual for determined candidates to get a list of standard questions, it wasn't that unusual for hr to send out a document with a summary of the "tick list" answers with the invite to interview. Many older staff mentored young graduates and again would often take them through the questions and give guidance on what the panel would be looking for.

In an interview you can easily tell how prepared someone is. Easy to figure oit if they've been spoon fed or are knowledgeable. It's why we have interviews..

You can be very good with words but can lack the skills required for a job. Loads of people bulls*it their way through interviews but are actually crap at their job. Trust me i work with some people who are lazy, moan all then time, constantly talking to colleagues and ignoring customer's and don't know what they're doing most of the time and i wonder how they got the job. I believe every job applicant should be given trials instead. If you're good at your job it doesn't matter if you "cheated".

One question for you OP, what will you do to keep your job since you cheated to get it? Will you feel that you deserve to keep the job or will the guilt eat you & stop you from getting on with your life?

I wouldn't have done this.

Would you not prefer to get a job based on your own merits rather than cheating.

The next person to be offered the job could have needed a break too and deserved the job more.

If you need help with interviews then work on them but don't cheat.

user1483617032 In some jobs maybe but this OP has, from what we can gather, a very responsible post. If she cheated to get the job what will she do when she makes a mistake. As her moral compass is off will she just cheat to get herself out of a pickle i.e. that is how cover ups happen.

the thing is, when you get into the job one of the key determinants of whether you will do it well or not, is whether you are willing and able to consult appropriately. Some people hate asking for help, and it damages their work. Some people don't know how to ask for help, and when they try to it doesn't really work and they don't get helped effectively. And this damages their work. People who are really good at their jobs bring skills and talents to them AND know when and how to bring in other skills and talents AND are always willing to develop, to prepare for the key stuff, to think ahead and improve their performance.

If I were preparing for a big external presentation and I didn't go round asking everyone I knew who might be able to help, for their insights and tips; and then I got asked a predictable question that I 'd personally failed to predict, but 3 people I work with might have known about; and fluffed the question - I'd get a bollocking. I'd be asked "who did you ask to help you prep for this?" and if I said "no one - I thought that would be cheating" - Oh my goodness, I dread to think what the response to that would be.

In all our strategy meetings one of the key questions we ask ourselves and each other is "who do we know at x company, and what intelligence can they get us on y issue?" not to do this would be basically admitting you don't give a shit if you succeed or fail and would be viewed very poorly.

If this was an exam then it would definitely be cheating, because exams are artificial sets of circumstances to which certain artificial rules apply. It's like - you cheat in football if you pick the ball up. but. In real life, if your actual objective was to get the ball over there as fast as possible, would you really dick about with your feet?

These scruples are massive category confusion. Certainly in my industry. If I went to a job interview and said "I hoped you'd ask me about that! My friend x (working at the company) said this was a really big concern of yours and I have thought about it a lot -" - that would be a gold star answer.

Tutors for 4+, 7+, 11+. Those with parents who can afford to pay for help, practice papers, learn how to pass the exams. ARe they cheating compared to those with less knowledgeble or wealthy parents?

IF they have access to the actual exam papers, then yes, of course that's cheating.

But if all they've done is "prepare the child", i.e. go through past papers, teach exam technique, etc., then of course it's not cheating. Anyone can do that!

In this case, the "friend" obtained the exact questions to be asked and coached the applicant for those questions. That's dishonest and cheating. Had the applicant or their friend simply googled for typical job interview questions and done some kind of role-play between them, then that's not cheating, just pretty common interview preparation.

I can't believe some people can't see the difference!!

The arguments presented by a number of the posters to justify the OPs actions are so facile I can't be bothered to answer.

Look you can point to other unfairness in society, you can say you'd do what the OP did and you can say that if she needs the job then it's all fine. But it is cheating and it is dishonest. Nothing anyone has said alters that.

Badbadbunny

Anyone can do it if they have the money/cultural capital/time/confidence to hire tutors.

Most people can't.

11+ exams are supposed to be a chance for smart kids from poor families. Dragging your academically average kid through them (or raising the bar by showering your bright kid with tutors) might not be legally cheating but it's morally just as bad.

"Would you not prefer to get a job based on your own merits rather than cheating."

When I was young, yes. Now I'd take a god job gained through almost any means.

Don't sweat it.
I live in Republic of Ireland and that's how all the Irish get their jobs.
Not what you know but who you know.
its fucking well annoying but that's just how it's done.
Good luck with your new job

I really wonder how many of the people who think you have done wrong, would also complain about their hard-earned taxes going to keep you on the dole?

atenco the doesnt even make sense. Cheating is either ok or its not. The dole has nothing to do with it.

Besides which, someone else would have got it instead. Perhaps they are on the dole.

Or maybe my hard earned taxes are going to pay 'dole' for other candidates who needed the job just as much or more than the OP (and who may have already known the answers to the technical questions without being told) but who didn't cheat.......

I know plenty of people that use connections and networking to gain access to job skills and interviews and pay for interview specific coaching to answer interview questions.

I think a person has to be a right fit for the company and role, ultimately the interview process is only part of that, probationary periods in jobs also help sort out this. Assume you ll have one too, use that time to work hard and fit into the role, if you re the right fit I think it ll hold for you