Should I take the job when I cheated to get it

[Fuzzywuzzy1]

Name changed.

I'm rubbish at interviews and had failed at over 7 over 6 months.

I had a job coming up and I knew there was a friend of a friend who could help me. I admit I was manipulative. I gave her a bit of a sob story about how I was so depressed I couldn't get a job (it was true though). Knowing she would put a good word in for me.

So she told the hiring manager I was brilliant and the person she wanted to get the job etc. She worked for the same department previously and was very well respected so this personal recommendation mattered. But while it helps there is a 'merit' based system so while it's not point based it's an overall mark for your answer.

So the friend found out the questions beforehand for me and rang me to give me them and then sat down with me the following week and told me what to say for each one.

When the day of the interview came I obviously excelled as I knew the questions and answers. There was one question I didn't know but gave a good answer anyway.

I got the job and was delighted. I am qualified for the job and competent but I'm so so rubbish at interviews.

As my start date goes nearer I my excitement has gone.

I cheated.

I would not have known the answers without help and had a HUGE advantage over the other candidates. I don't think I would be sacked if found out and there's no way they could prove it anyway but I just feel bad.

Like I've not got the job on merit.

But then loads of people get jobs because of who they know every day.

So maybe I should forgive myself.

AIBU to feel really guilty?

Thanks everyone.
Let's hope I'm good at the job now!

It is cheating. You said yourself you would never have known the answers.

Personally I couldn't take a job where I cheated desperate or not. Trust me, your connection to this friend will come out eventually (always does one way or another) and then you will always be known as being that person who got the job because they knew someone rather than on merit.

There would never ever be proof.

I'm safe.

Orlantina but it's a bit different to having all the questions and coaching in advance.

My daughter recently got a job for a company she's applied for 3 times. This time though she knows someone there who put a good word in for her. She even received a standard rejection email 3 weeks after she started work. It's the nature of the beast unfortunately.

Well it's up to the OP what she does now. She might have been the best candidate anyway but because of the help but will never know. Quite how a grown up didn't stop and think at some point earlier (when she told the 'sob story', when she saw the questions, when she was talked through each one and told what to say) about the potential implications is beyond me.

I can't say what I think should happen. It depends on the job, the level of intervention by the friend and whether the OP can actually do the job and hasn't got it on a false basis.

I will say that I am aware that in a major organisation recently a number senior people were dismissed for precisely this - feeding the questions to a candidate in advance. The OPs starting salary is a good one so I assume that it's a fairly decent position with some responsibility. I would expect that the employer assumes a level of honesty and integrity from employees.

The question was AIBU to take the job when I cheated. Unreasonable? In my view yes. But you probably knew that at the time you looked at the questions so that ship has kind of sailed.

troodie a good word is very very different from deliberately and complicitly cheating.

'I'm safe'. Well done for covering your tracks.

And people are saying it was a bit of a harmless 'leg up'

So you feel bad you cheated - good, you have a conscience.

Now own the decision you took to ask your friend for help. Be good at your new job and enjoy it.

If it makes you feel this bad doing something morally dubious, well, never do it again.

I can neither give you validation nor condemn you.

Take it, do your best, find a way to pay back.

Timebank.org.uk

Surprised at how many people think this was "using initiative".

It was dishonest and a dismissible action. I'm a recruiting manager myself and keep questions very confidential so no one will be tempted to do this. If I discovered this has happened I would expect the existing colleague to be sent a warning letter telling them this was misconduct. I would not proceed with hiring OP.

OP, I see you are desperate but I don't think you should have taken this job. Since you've decided you will, please try to find a way to assuage your guilt about how you got it. Donate or volunteer or something.

OP, I really don't mean to sound goady but do YOU think you should take the job?

If you are going to take it anyway, then this thread was started to try and appease your guilt. You did what you did. And, let's face it, you had plenty of chances to stop the person giving you the answers so you would be on a level playing field at interview.

So, are you going to take it. And if yes, this thread needn't have been started.

Why should she find a way to "give back" - to atone for the guilt at having cheated? Does the more she "give back" mean the better person she is? Does it cancel out what happened eventually?

Why does she need to be really good at the job now? Why not "passable"? Can't she just "amend" a few statistics and make up some positive feedback instead?

You need a job so you made sure you got one. Who you know is how it goes in most places tbh. And if you're capable of doing the job I don't see the problem. Now if you'd told them you're a qualified surgeon when you'd never studied medicine then yes, you would be a terrible person, but you haven't

It really is who you know. I work for a friend. He offered me my job one night when we were on the beers. Then he lied to my manager with some story about a late application/brilliant interview when, in reality, he's one of my closest friends and was doing me a favour. I will tell you though that I work my arse off and always fess up if I've fucked up or done something truly inappropriate (usually involves flirting outrageously with this heavenly delivery guy and inviting lots of my regular ladies in to marvel at his beautiful eyes and handsome face).

I'm going against most folk here and saying what you did what so wrong. It wasn't networking or using your initiative - it was cheating and it was wrong. If you can live with what you have done fair enough - I couldn't but then I have a conscience and a sense of right and wrong. I also work in research where so much is taken on trust that any form of cheating or whiff of it has serious consequence.

Are the posters saying what you did was wrong going to pay your bills?

You've gotta do what you've gotta do in life.

CauliflowerSqueeze I agree it's a sliding scale of cheating, but it's still an unfair advantage. Embellishing your cv would also go on the scale.

But getting a job is a ruthless business. Needs must.

I'm going to take it. I just feel really bad

Seems like a good plan. 👍🏻😊 Just make sure you absolutely ACE the job and work extra hard etc. I don't think I could have 'cheated' myself as I would feel too guilty but I can't say I think you are that bad for doing it. The one thing I would actively dissaprove of though is if you try to justify it. IYSWIM - If you are going to cheat then you should own your cheat. It's got nothing to do with whether other people play the system or not. This is your choice and your morals. If it feels ok for you to do then do it and don't lose too much sleep over it.

congrats on the new job 😉

I think Jeffrey Archer thought he was "safe" when he got a friend to lie for him by saying a dinner took place on the day he needed an alibi. He then fell out with the friend who went to the police and Archer was the one who ended up in prison. Take the job but accept you have laid yourself well open to blackmail.

i'm (blowing my own trumpet) extremely good at what i do - i have streamlined work and automated to the stage of cutting staff costs, taking down the people needed to do roles from many to not many. I have a proven track record (just some background)

However, i am totally SHIT at interviews - i had 7 internal interviews where i was working, and all for jobs i would be good at - i didnt get any of them (and i had the questions, as i had done it many many times, and spoken with other interviewers about the answers being looked for).... I'm not sure if its because i am terrible or even if my manager (who didnt like me) was stopping me?

OP - if you can do the job, then i wouldnt worry about it, just because you cannot do an interview, doesnt mean you cannot do the job

Stop worrying about it.
Just do the job you're qualified for to the best of your ability.

I think it definitely is wrong and is cheating, but if you now throw yourself into it and prove in practice that you are the best person for the job then you can let yourself off the hook. You may as well forget about it and believe in yourself because what's the alternative? But do pay it forward by helping others in the future.

I'm with Nashville.

You cheated, she cheated to help you. In my field you and she would very likely be dismissed for obtaining unfair advantage over other potential candidates. We always ensure that candidates are not interviewed by people they know and the questions are known only to the interview panel.

She worked for the same department previously and was very well respected ...

Somehow I doubt she'll be quite so "respected" if this is found out