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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have thrown DH out for pushing DS? End of the line or am I overreacting?

311 replies

mumbanator · 16/06/2017 22:58

DH tries very hard, dedicated daddy to two lively challenging sons. I work late on a Friday and come in at 8pm. He knows I dislike it when they go out to the park/friends houses (with him) until 8/9pm a) as I haven't seen them all day and like them to be there when I come home and b) when they come in they are unbearably tired and ridiculous and I have recently asked him to ensure they're in from half 7 from now on and winding down. Tonight he returned with them at 21:45 - he knew I'd be cross and his mobile phone had died so I didn't even know where they were - they'd gone for a meal. I was upset and livid but tried to keep fairly calm (had been in for nearly 2 hours not knowing where they were, no note although I'd assumed they were safe) but a row quickly ensued. DH said it was their fault for not coming home when he asked. I said he was the grown up and he was entirely responsible. DS1 started putting in his twopence - DH was shouting and clipped his ear (but whether intentionally or not, barely made any contact, DS1 didn't seem to notice) and then pushed him back so he staggered back a couple of steps (completely unbothered and unharmed) and DH continued to shout. I told DH to leave immediately and not return tonight and bolted the doors. DSs are both fine. There is no history of any abuse of any type but I don't see how he can be fit to parent if this can possibly occur. Sorry if not enough info posted, I can't think clearly. So - AIBU to have thrown him out while I consider things and have I massively overreacted? Does this happen in normal family life? It never happened in mine - or is he BU and needs to sort himself out. Is this the end of our relationship? Is it child abuse? Would you relationship with your DH be over if he did this? Thank you to anyone with a similar experience or advice.

OP posts:
AskBasil · 18/06/2017 23:35

Grin Their laydeebrain means they exaggerate when telling about their experience of male behaviour, particularly when it's bad behaviour.

lelapaletute · 18/06/2017 23:37

And I have an opinion on your opinion. That's how the internet works. You're not obliged to respond if you don't care to... Have you got a bit of a case of "must have the last word-itis?"

SomeOtherFuckers · 19/06/2017 00:40

Sounds like you're very dramatic tbh even before the push.
Hopefully the push was because DS was being very lively and trying to get involved and pushing up to him and you were yelling so he pushed him to move him back, not to hurt him. Didn't realise in the moment that DS would stumble from the strength of push.
But I wasn't there and so don't know.
But you do sound controlling and a bit high strung but then again ... I wasn't there.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 19/06/2017 05:14

Hopefully it was.

But if it wasnt..OP took steps to protect her kid and you lot talked her down and called her controlling and exaggerating.

Nice one

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 19/06/2017 05:15

Similar yo a recent thread where an OP was going to dump her partner for disappearing for days when out drinking and people talked her round and called HER controlling.

Feminism is dead here it seems.

SmileEachDay · 19/06/2017 06:42

Hopefully the push was because DS was being very lively and trying to get involved and pushing up to him and you were yelling so he pushed him to move him back, not to hurt him. Didn't realise in the moment that DS would stumble from the strength of push.

Except that isn't what it says in the OP. But you crack on - make sure you definitely imagine something that makes it the OPs fault entirely- even down to it being her shouting, when it cleary says it was her husband.

reuset · 19/06/2017 09:27

Hopefully the push was because DS was being very lively and trying to get involved and pushing up to him and you were yelling so he pushed him to move him back, not to hurt him. Didn't realise in the moment that DS would stumble from the strength of push.

Good theory about the motivations behind the push. Now onto the clipped ear the boy received and the DH shouting as this was all taking place.

kali110 · 19/06/2017 14:08

Uuugh kali this drives me batty. Young children need a lot of sleep, and routine. Their usual bedtime is a reasonable hour
Again, who are you to say what is a reasonable hour?
I've been out with young family members and friends little ones for dinner all my life and amazingly they've manage to do very well in school, college and now at uni even though they stayed out late at various times..
Some people don't think thT kids always have to have the same routine every single night!

abbsisspartacus · 27/06/2017 22:39

The OP said they are awful with late nights I'm assuming she knows there limits more than us

missymayhemsmum · 28/06/2017 00:00

Your dh took his sons out for the evening, and returned when he saw fit. YANBU to be irritated that his phone had died and they were out late, but totally unreasonable to start a row in front of your kids when they came home. From what you are saying, the row escalated, your son tried to intervene and your DH moved him out of the way, but didn't hurt him in any way. So your sons saw you lock their father out of the house because they went out for the evening and came home late?

reuset · 28/06/2017 00:42

Missy Hmm

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