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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have thrown DH out for pushing DS? End of the line or am I overreacting?

311 replies

mumbanator · 16/06/2017 22:58

DH tries very hard, dedicated daddy to two lively challenging sons. I work late on a Friday and come in at 8pm. He knows I dislike it when they go out to the park/friends houses (with him) until 8/9pm a) as I haven't seen them all day and like them to be there when I come home and b) when they come in they are unbearably tired and ridiculous and I have recently asked him to ensure they're in from half 7 from now on and winding down. Tonight he returned with them at 21:45 - he knew I'd be cross and his mobile phone had died so I didn't even know where they were - they'd gone for a meal. I was upset and livid but tried to keep fairly calm (had been in for nearly 2 hours not knowing where they were, no note although I'd assumed they were safe) but a row quickly ensued. DH said it was their fault for not coming home when he asked. I said he was the grown up and he was entirely responsible. DS1 started putting in his twopence - DH was shouting and clipped his ear (but whether intentionally or not, barely made any contact, DS1 didn't seem to notice) and then pushed him back so he staggered back a couple of steps (completely unbothered and unharmed) and DH continued to shout. I told DH to leave immediately and not return tonight and bolted the doors. DSs are both fine. There is no history of any abuse of any type but I don't see how he can be fit to parent if this can possibly occur. Sorry if not enough info posted, I can't think clearly. So - AIBU to have thrown him out while I consider things and have I massively overreacted? Does this happen in normal family life? It never happened in mine - or is he BU and needs to sort himself out. Is this the end of our relationship? Is it child abuse? Would you relationship with your DH be over if he did this? Thank you to anyone with a similar experience or advice.

OP posts:
reuset · 17/06/2017 18:02

Beyond Grin Have we got out of bed the wrong side today?

SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 18:03

Gosh.

To have thrown DH out for pushing DS? End of the line or am I overreacting?
reuset · 17/06/2017 18:04

I'm very flattered, but no thanks to the PM, Beyond. I'll forward it to HQ have a read though Wink

SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 18:07

Are you also arrogant reuset or are you something else?

reuset · 17/06/2017 18:10

I'm passive aggressive, apparently Smile Grin

Beyondworried
To:
reuset
Subject:
.
Date:
Sat 17-Jun-17 17:59:37

Why don't you go and fuck yourself you passive aggressive cunt. People like you need a fucking good kicking. Wank stain

SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 18:12

Blimey.

As opposed to aggressive, aggressive presumably Grin

reuset · 17/06/2017 18:12
Grin
SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 18:14

Although I do like wank stain as an insult.

MaudGonneMad · 17/06/2017 18:37

Jaysus. Hope you both reported those vile PMs and the banhammer is wielded.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 17/06/2017 18:40

Glad he's home op. Good luck straightening things out between the two of you.

If it makes you feel any better both dh and I feel like complete and utter parenting failures on a weekly basis. But we fail as a team most of the time which makes it slightly more bearable Grin

Best of luck

SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 18:42

Yep, sure did Maud

Interesting that Beyond did it by PM. Don't really understand the logic.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 17/06/2017 18:43

Pushing a kid til he staggers and clipping him round the war is totally unacceptable

Can't believe people are saying it is just a momentary loss of control. Wtf.

JoshLymanJr · 17/06/2017 18:43

dh and I feel like complete and utter parenting failures on a weekly basis.

Only weekly?? You're doing well ;)

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 17/06/2017 18:44

Round the ear

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 17/06/2017 18:49

Only weekly?? You're doing well

You're right. It's more like thrice daily. Weekly sounds like a stealth brag.

Also - what the fuck is with all the personal attacks (and the general one - basil calling mumsnetters handmaidens Angry)

JoshLymanJr · 17/06/2017 18:55

You're right. It's more like thrice daily. Weekly sounds like a stealth brag.

I'm doing well to get through an hour without scarring ours for life or destroying their futures in some way.

Also - what the fuck is with all the personal attacks (and the general one - basil calling mumsnetters handmaidens angry)

God knows. Coming here for actual advice or a chat seems to be a waste of time these days.

AskBasil · 17/06/2017 19:13

I've explained why I think it's handmaideny to pile on a thread to eagerly tell a woman she's controlling, manipulative etc., to be annoyed about her husband disney-dadding and then leaving her to do the parenting grunt-work, while ignoring the faults of said dad.

I don't think the OP is without fault in this . But the tide of handmaideny advice, needed to be balanced with something else, otherwise her conversation with her DH will end with them agreeing he can do all the fun parts of parenting while she does the grunt work and then gives him a blowjob to thank him for not hitting them when they were so over-excited.

I thought it needed balance. Grin

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 17/06/2017 19:32

I agree there is a massive amount of handmaidenry on MN at moment.

fluffywhitekittens · 17/06/2017 19:32

You ask your OH to make sure 8 year old and 6 year old are home by 7.30 on a Friday evening. - Not Unreasonable.
They bring them home at 9.45 with no note or phone message - Unreasonable
I have a six year old, bedtimes at the weekend can be very variable, however it isn't every weekend as his behaviour is terrible if he's over tired.
If I got home from work at 8pm, then had to sit and wait for nearly two hours without knowing where my children and OH were, then had to deal with two overtired children and put them to bed, I would be pissed off. I'm sure most normal people would be.
If OH then took it upon themselves to blame the children I would be more annoyed.
If OH then pushed the child, however gently, I would also be cross.
OP YANBU
And I think you have replied sensibly and calmly to all the posters on here, including the ones who don't actually bother to read your replies and still pile in to call you overbearing and verbally abusive..

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 17/06/2017 19:35

Handmaidenry or lots of men

SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 19:41

Talking of Handmaidens- can I just say that the adaptation on Ch4 at the moment is all the aceness. Really chilling.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 17/06/2017 19:53

I thought it needed balance

I totally agree with you the thread needed balance. It's just that calling people handmaidens massively gets my back up. It just alienates people and makes them more entrenched in their original viewpoint (IMO).

Plus it's rude. Although pretty mild compared with some of the other shit on this thread.

gamerchick · 17/06/2017 19:54

I think we know there's a telly program on atm tbh.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 17/06/2017 19:54

smile

I'm watching it. It's a tough watch but absolutely spellbinding. Would recommend it to everyone.

SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 20:03

gamer - good! Are you enjoying it?