To wonder if they'll ever have children?

[user1497444078]

We met a married couple 5yrs ago and have become really close friends. They both have high paid jobs, are in their early thirties and enjoy the finer things (nice holidays, designer clothes etc). He is desperate to start a family a bed she isn't but conceded they would start trying after a few more years of nice holidays.

They intended to start trying two yrs ago but now every January she books them a holiday to celebrate her birthday (end of Oct) which wipes out any chance of trying that yr.

I think she's worried they will struggle financially as they have a huge mortgage (London area), don't have either parents nearby for childcare and ultimately would need to limit holiday/designer clothes spend, which would all be difficult with one wage. The husband has started to express these fears and he used to say 'when we have children' which has now been replaced with 'if we ever have children'.

We've just had our first DC and in contrast live in an area where cost of living is significantly lower, have reasonable wages and are surrounded by parents/siblings all willing to help with childcare.

I would love for them to fall pregnant and know they would be amazing parents (despite her reservations) but that's easy for me to say as we've had it fairly easy.

Has anyone been in a similar position to our friends and what advise could you offer that says they can have a family and retain some of their current lifestyle?

Is this a weird reverse? Are you the happily child-free party with an interfering friend?

Why do you care? Most of my friends have DC, one couple do not (same as DH and I). I really don't have an opinion on whether or not they should have kids any more than I would expect people to give thought to whether or not DH and I will ever have any.

I think you're wanting this woman to have a baby so you have a mummy friend? Either she doesn't want children or is having difficulty conceiving either way your advice will not help.

Is this the same 'user' who posted earlier today about being cross that her childless friends have dared to buy a 4 bed house?

There is no honest advice that they can have children and keep their lifestyle. I had the sort of lifestyle your friends seemed to have. We now had children, we can still afford holidays etc. but it's totally different. Also, for me as the mother, continuing in a high paid role has been far harder than it has been for my husband and amoung my friends in well paid jobs who had children, none have continued on their career path at the same rate, though their husbands seem to have managed fine (which isn't to say no women can do it, but I think things are very much stacked against them). So if your friend has concerns I would say she's right to have them. On the whole I think we under estimate the impact of children on our lives, not over estimate it.

If your friend wants children she will have been trying and any sort of pressure is highly unlikely to be welcome and could be really upsetting. If she doesn't give her support in pursuing her idea of a good life instead of pressuring her to be more like you.

I'd wager that the OP won't be coming back!

Op ain't coming back

notknownatthisaddress yep its her alright..& as per her previous form no, she wont come back. Maybe shes off to start thread 4..

Yes OP you are being totally & utterly U!

I would keep wondering about it, but keep it to yourself.

Unless they have confided in you at some point, you do NOT know what is going on behind closed doors.

They may have been TTC all this time, may have suffered miscarriages or be undergoing IVF.

And it really is not any of you business, unless they wish to share it with you.

In the nicest possible way, I think you are in a new baby bubble right now and perhaps cannot see things from a different viewpoint, or even acknowledge that 1)others may NOT automatically want what you have and 2) may not be able to have a baby, for whatever reason.

I would suggest that you continue to be there for them as a good friend, but honestly just keep out of it- it's between the couple and nobody else.

How arrogant. You would love for them to fall pregnant. (I hate that phrase fwiw). What bloody business is it of yours ffs? Keep your nose out.

Leave them alone you inferring old bint. Nothing is worse than people asking or advising you about conception when you're having infertility problems.

Sounds like you want them to have babies to validate your choice.

It's really nothing to do with you.

I can't believe you've posted such personal details, about another couple on here, OP. they will absolutely recognise themselves on here and their choices have nothing to do with you. Butt out.

This whole thing is pretty unbelievable tbh as is the pp's other thread

*op's! Not pp's

It really is absolutely none of your business.

My DH and I suffered from infertility for 6 years before we finally had our DS. From the outside we were happy, had a lovely home, nice holidays and a comfortable life style but behind doors were multiple miscarriages, failed IVF cycles, adoption meetings and a diagnosis of depression.

Only my best friend knew. Not even my family. It wasn't anything to do with anyone else. If someone would have tried to give me "advice" about how you can have children and still go on holiday I would have probably cut them from my life

It took us years to conceive our second child and no one knew we were trying. Every year I would book a holiday in the hope that it would tempt fate and we'd have to cancel it. In the end I fell pregnant and we went on holiday when I was almost 6 months gone. At the time though I wouldn't have cared if we'd had to cancel it. Please don't say anything to them, it'll hurt them more than you can know.

This is ABSOLUTELY none of your business and you should say nothing whatsoever.

You sound like a dick OP. Leave them be.

In terms of business, this is none of yours.

You have no idea, however close they are, if this is her putting it off or them having problems. It took us years to conceive with a loss during that time. Not everyone, even close ones, knew.

We are close to friends who went through IVF..they didn't even tell their parents they were so worried it wouldn't work.

If you are this free talking about them and how you can 'help' and this keen to interfere with advice, perhaps that is another couple of reasons that they wouldn't share with you.

Nothing to do with you.

Ooooh daily fail fail even more.