To wonder if they'll ever have children?

[user1497444078]

We met a married couple 5yrs ago and have become really close friends. They both have high paid jobs, are in their early thirties and enjoy the finer things (nice holidays, designer clothes etc). He is desperate to start a family a bed she isn't but conceded they would start trying after a few more years of nice holidays.

They intended to start trying two yrs ago but now every January she books them a holiday to celebrate her birthday (end of Oct) which wipes out any chance of trying that yr.

I think she's worried they will struggle financially as they have a huge mortgage (London area), don't have either parents nearby for childcare and ultimately would need to limit holiday/designer clothes spend, which would all be difficult with one wage. The husband has started to express these fears and he used to say 'when we have children' which has now been replaced with 'if we ever have children'.

We've just had our first DC and in contrast live in an area where cost of living is significantly lower, have reasonable wages and are surrounded by parents/siblings all willing to help with childcare.

I would love for them to fall pregnant and know they would be amazing parents (despite her reservations) but that's easy for me to say as we've had it fairly easy.

Has anyone been in a similar position to our friends and what advise could you offer that says they can have a family and retain some of their current lifestyle?

Back right off and leave well alone. You are being totally AIBU. Why the hell is a woman's fertility or childhood choices anyone else's business. When you talk about her holidays and clothes what you are implicitly implying is that she is selfishly not having children. Might you not consider that she is selflessly thinking you know what, if a sodding Labrador has the environmental impact of 4 range rovers, imagine the impact of an electricity guzzling human. How small minded you are.

Yup, keep out of it. I used to be this woman and, you know what, despite being in my early 30s, happily married, with an interesting job, lots of friends, many years of adventures / living abroad, and a house with a big but manageable mortgage I just didn't want children YET!

It used to really piss me off when everyone and the world felt the need to comment on it, propose not leaving it too much longer, slyly ask about fertility issues etc. Didn't mind too much from my mum (though wasn't overjoyed) but found the relentless pressure from people with kids not only intrusive and boring but actually offputting. Why should everyone live their life the same way?

Things changed for me when I was 35, and I suddenly did want children. Had my first and 36 and second at 38. I know I was very lucky to conceive both easily, not go through miscarriages etc, but l plain old wasn't ready to have them earlier. A lot of my other female friends have also had their first child between 35 and 40. (The only difference is that the others weren't married as young as I was.) Leave this poor lady alone!

As my mother used to say, what goes on in other people's bedrooms is no-one else's business.

It took me years and lots of expensive treatment and monthly tears and secret depression to conceive all three of my DCs. It was utterly the most painful part of my life. I talked to no-one about it. I'd have been fucking mortified if a so-called friend had been discussing my uterus, ovaries and vagina activity on fucking mumsnet. You are not her friend, OP. You are a nosey * plain and simple.

husband stopped asking you to big up babies 3 months ago. You don't know why. So they don't share everything.

Assuming they do because you can talk openly about some things is ridiculous.

I think op has invested in this friendship assuming they'd raise families together and is struggling with the fact it won't happen as shed envisaged, her own offspring coming forced her to re-evaluate

Sorry to 3rd person you op

'he was telling us to big up pregnancy until maybe 3months ago'
Grim
How contrived. I bet she's had enough of all of you. I make all the right noises around friends DC. It's mainly acting and relief it's not me that has to parent them.

Butt right out.

It really is absolutely none of your business. Concentrate on raising your own family.

I've known people who took years to conceive, and certainly didn't want to discuss their issues with some nosy parker under the guise of being a friend.

Perhaps she found out he had been trying to get her friend to persuade her to have a baby and had a massive go at him. I would if I was her. And 5 years isn't that long a friendship for adults. It's hardly a lifelong bond through thick and thin! OP if you are that desperate for mum friends, go to baby groups.