To be annoyed that OH uses my car and doesn't pay me

[user1497535565]

Hi

I need some impartial advice on whether I am being unreasonable.

My OH and I moved in together a year ago and we 'share' my car. We pay for the car out of the joint account which was fine until a couple of months ago when he was given a car allowance by his employer. We agreed that as he would have to use 'my' car for work trips he would hire me a car for the day while he took mine.

I then realised that he was going on work trips but either not claiming the mileage (which I paid half of) or it was going into his sole account with the rest of the expenses. I asked him to start paying it into the joint account and he agreed but have never seen any evidence.

Since then, he has become possessive of the car and prioritises himself over me. For example, I had a hospital appointment and he made a big song and dance about having to take the afternoon off work so we could share lifts as he refused to let me pick him up from work afterwards and then when we got to the hospital he mentioned casually that he wouldn't be able to pick me up because he had booked a teleconference for when he got in (given that I was going into hospital to find out whether I needed an operation on my foot and the hospital is a 40-50 minute walk from home, I was understandably angry).

So recently, he now goes out to play sports after work (I'm on study leave so not currently working) and he won't get home till late and I can't see friends, I can't go shopping during the day and I feel like a prisoner in my own home when I have a car but I just can't use it. He has also been invited to a wedding in August which is on a Thursday quite a long way away and he has decided that although I will be at work he should have the car to get to the wedding and I should get a taxi to and from work (an hour each way) for two days. He can't understand that I think this is unfair.

Given all of this, it has made me start to think, is it fair that he is being paid to use my car and I don't see any of this money? He gets 650-700 a month which he saves and which, if it weren't for me, he would not have. I feel that he should pay me half of this money. He refuses to do anything admin related to the car, I have to do the insurance, book all the garages etc. and then he moans so much about the price I have to find cheaper garages and then he moans because he doesn't like the ones I have picked. I feel he is being extremely ungrateful when I am giving him a gift that most people would jump at.

Oh and another thing he did with my car was offer it to his friend so she could drive to work. A friend that I barely knew and before he had spoken to me about it. He then said I wasn't a nice person because I was furious that he had offered my car to someone I didn't know so she could a) drive to work b) drive to clients all around the country in my car (when I need it to get to and from work).

Am I being unreasonable?

[spaghettithrower]

Good grief. He is an utter knob. Horrendous.
Get rid asap.
The car thing was bad and then you mentioned the camping gear and then that he moved another woman in. What on earth was that about?
He is trying to blame you and make out your reactions are unreasonable.
Absolutely outrageous.
Tell him he needs to get his own car and use the money from work to pay for it because you need your own car and having one car for both of you is not working.
Then see what he says.
I used to share my DP's car and it worked fine for us but then his family started going mad because he used to let his mother or sister use the car from time to time before he got together with me. They were behaving in a similar way to your "D"P.
I got so sick of the nonsense from them and the way they were slagging me off and making me out to be the bad person because I was using the car on two occasions when they wanted it. I told my DP I was buying my own car and I did. End of story.
After that he eventually wised up to them taking the mick with his car and took the spare key back from them and told them they couldn't have it anymore.

Your dickhead "D"P needs to get his own car and preferably an estate or something so he can pack up his stuff and do one!

[placemark123]

Surely with a car payment like that, the company will have links to a leasing company? He is choosing to take cash and make a mug of you. Get rid!

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

What are you going to do?

[catinbooties]

These threads always make me so depressed as you just know that OP has talked to 'D'P, still believes his Shit and has discounted everything she's been told on here. So sad.

[DarthMaiden]

Absolutely Cat

[category12]

Probably feeling bad about questioning his behaviour as we speak.

[DownTownAbbey]

Unless this lovely colleague is old enough to be his grandmother I don't know how you can be so sure nothing is happening. Even if she's not interested he's trying to impress her with his wonderful, generous nature. Too bad he's using your stuff to woo her. My ex tried to give my 'friend ' stuff of mine. Then he shagged her.

He's an appalling excuse for a man either way.

[SomeOtherFuckers]

Go to the work woman and ask that if he offers to lend her something in future could she please either call and ask you first or say no because he keeps giving your possessions out without asking you .

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

Stand up for yourself!
When does this man put you first? How does he treat you when you're unwell? You need to really think about these things before settling for him...

[Thesingingtoad]

He has scant respect for you.

You need to find your self respect and tell him to go.

[AnathemaPulsifer]

So the car costs are coming out of the joint account and mileage allowance is going into his personal account? Where is the car allowance going? Sounds to me like you're the only one paying for this car from their own money and yet you're getting less use of it. If you live an hour from work then him offering to lend your car to someone else is incredibly selfish of him. Hope you get it all sorted (i.e. LTB if he doesn't see sense).

[Mrswinkler]

OP how did it go? Everything ok?