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AIBU?

To be annoyed that OH uses my car and doesn't pay me

212 replies

user1497535565 · 15/06/2017 15:23

Hi

I need some impartial advice on whether I am being unreasonable.

My OH and I moved in together a year ago and we 'share' my car. We pay for the car out of the joint account which was fine until a couple of months ago when he was given a car allowance by his employer. We agreed that as he would have to use 'my' car for work trips he would hire me a car for the day while he took mine.

I then realised that he was going on work trips but either not claiming the mileage (which I paid half of) or it was going into his sole account with the rest of the expenses. I asked him to start paying it into the joint account and he agreed but have never seen any evidence.

Since then, he has become possessive of the car and prioritises himself over me. For example, I had a hospital appointment and he made a big song and dance about having to take the afternoon off work so we could share lifts as he refused to let me pick him up from work afterwards and then when we got to the hospital he mentioned casually that he wouldn't be able to pick me up because he had booked a teleconference for when he got in (given that I was going into hospital to find out whether I needed an operation on my foot and the hospital is a 40-50 minute walk from home, I was understandably angry).

So recently, he now goes out to play sports after work (I'm on study leave so not currently working) and he won't get home till late and I can't see friends, I can't go shopping during the day and I feel like a prisoner in my own home when I have a car but I just can't use it. He has also been invited to a wedding in August which is on a Thursday quite a long way away and he has decided that although I will be at work he should have the car to get to the wedding and I should get a taxi to and from work (an hour each way) for two days. He can't understand that I think this is unfair.

Given all of this, it has made me start to think, is it fair that he is being paid to use my car and I don't see any of this money? He gets 650-700 a month which he saves and which, if it weren't for me, he would not have. I feel that he should pay me half of this money. He refuses to do anything admin related to the car, I have to do the insurance, book all the garages etc. and then he moans so much about the price I have to find cheaper garages and then he moans because he doesn't like the ones I have picked. I feel he is being extremely ungrateful when I am giving him a gift that most people would jump at.

Oh and another thing he did with my car was offer it to his friend so she could drive to work. A friend that I barely knew and before he had spoken to me about it. He then said I wasn't a nice person because I was furious that he had offered my car to someone I didn't know so she could a) drive to work b) drive to clients all around the country in my car (when I need it to get to and from work).

Am I being unreasonable?

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Sittinginthesun · 15/06/2017 18:28

You need to get angry, OP. He is walking all over you, taking advantage of you and is basically being abusive. Talking to him is not going to be enough - I'd be telling him exactly what ai think of him, and of he's not grovelling by the end of that conversation, he'd be out!