AIBU to struggle with family's MH needs? [Title edited by MNHQ]

[Jellymuffin]

My mum, brother and late Nan all have depression which manifests itself as not taking any responsibility for their actions, accepting NO criticism in and area, being massively jealous and negative about everyone - even family and friends and generally expecting everyone else to be responsible for their happiness while being vile to them.

I've had enough of unthoughtful comments, especially from my mum, and I don't want to be in the pity party anymore. I had awful post natal depression and got literally no sympathy. When I tried to talk to my mum about it she tried to out do me by telling me she'd attempted suicide. I had non of the attributes my family portray and instead felt dead inside, not good enough and very hard on MYSELF not others.

I faked it till I made it, tried to be positive and pulled through (my husband doesn't really do depression unlike my dad who is a total enabler to my mum) I know I am lucky but I just don't have time for those who don't at least try to sort themselves and almost revel in having an excuse to behave however they want. So, am I an awful daughter as my mum suggests in her passive aggressive Facebook posts?

You really worded this all wrong.

This isn't about depression. It is about your family being not so great people. And using their depression to wrongly justify their behaviour is understandably an added annoyance to you.

To reiterate, this is not about depression. You just have no time for scummy people.

She doesn't sound depressed, she sounds narcissistic.

Stay out of her way for your own mental health. With no guilt whatsoever.

I think it is fine to want a break, sometimes, from supporting other people and the selflessness that involves. This bit is entirely understandable. Depression does have an impact on more people than just the sufferer, as do other long term health conditions.

However, I think you need to stop playing the blame game - which will be helpful if you distance yourself a little bit. People who are sick will not behave perfectly. If you go down the 'deserving sick' way of thinking it is a sure way to only find bitterness.

I understand where you're coming from. It's incredibly hard to give give give and support someone when they're low and then never receive the same back when you're in that situation. I'm sorry it's come to the point where you're done, but if that is your final decision then hopefully everything will be more positive from now on! Fingers crossed for you x

Hi Katie Hopkins. Yes, perhaps you need to massively reword your title. Imagine if someone replaced 'depression' with e.g. cancer, motor-neurons, Alzheimers? Not nice, right? If I were you, I would ask MN to change it because you will get lots of angry people on here as a result of the title (and rightly so).

I have asked for the thread to be deleted. Sorry to offend.

Sounds more like personality issues. The threatening suicide etc, taking no responsibility could fit better with borderline personality disorder rather than depression. It is notoriously challenging for BPD sufferers to maintain relationships so if this is the case, then YANBU to be at the end of your tether about this IMO x

This post is actually quite a disservice to depression and will do nothing to help the reputations of those who genuinely suffer.

I'm quite disgusted with your thread title actually, it's completely misleading and revolting. You have no time for undesirable people with poor personalities, not people with depression.

I'm out of this one.

And it's actually the stuff in your post about PND that's pissed me off not the title.
I thought I might kill myself and my kids. I was fucking sick and it wasn't something I could hide.

YABU to have no time for depression. YANBU for having no time for horrible people. The two are not necessarily linked. I have three really good friends who happen to suffer with clinical depression. They're lovely human beings, not nasty to anyone, and do take responsibility for themselves. I think you need to gain a better understanding of what depression is, and that people still have their own personality with it.

And this is an example of why we should be allowed to tell someone what a wanker they are without having our post deleted. OP, asking for this to be deleted is too little too late.

I have been told my whole life the behaviour was because of depression and when I got depression I didn't have any of the same symptoms. Maybe i have been misled by my family.

Feeling "sad" and "upset" is normal, I have 2 DSs with depression which is completely different, the youngest after an "interview" with the job centre, walked straight out into moving traffic, and several times has tried to jump out of my car while moving, thats true depression, you are going to get flamed, you should have given your thread a different title, you family are awful, but not suffering from depression!

You are not being unreasonable OP. It's a vast topic and worth discussion, so it's a shame you've been silenced.

@Jellymuffin. Look after yourself.

Genuinely not goady. Just can't do it anymore for MY mental health.

Then you need to take action to protect yourself.
This isn't a 'I cannot be fcuked with my ill family' thread but a 'My ill family are making me ill' thread.
Very big difference.

Look after yourself - you didn't cause their depression, you cannot control it and can't cure it. Your responsibility is to yourself.

I can identity with the OP. My DH has major depression, refused to get help for years and DD and I suffered because of it. By the time he did get help it was too late for us, our relationship ended. I was too exhausted to do it any more.

Hi Op, I grew up in a household where several members had depression and would try to kill themselves etc. It's absolutely exhausting and draining and everything revolves around them. I would never marry someone with depression but would also never say this out loud.

Your thread title is goady and offensive but i don't think it should be deleted. Get the title changed as you actually make some calud points and imo any discussion of mh is positive.

I think that people who love and care for people with depression have a terrible time. i speak as someone who has suffered depression for 10 years.

Maria is bang on the money.

Depression, when much prolonged, can be like a cartoon I saw when I was little where Professor Coldheart of the Care Bears had set up something like a vacuum cleaner to suck the life and warm energy from the children he had kidnapped.

It takes all YOUR energy and fun and warmth, too.

*valid

I agree get your title altered or get this thread deleted and repost. It sounds like you really need some advice on how to deal with these people in your life.

Depression is something that you have "episodes" of, it sounds like your mum has something more in keeping with borderline/emotionally unstable personality disorder. The using threats of suicide as a weapon is classic. You have my sympathies, my brother was like this.

People with depression can be incredibly selfish. As someone who's battled mental health issues for nearly thirty years I can say that it is equally as hard on our loved ones. The amount of crap my dh has suffered from me 😞

Your mom, however, frankly sounds like a right bitch. I suspect she'd still be a bitch even without the depression. You should consider going NC with her as nothing will ever be good enough for her.

It's not easy, you can't just 'pull yourself together' etc, but you do need to acknowledge you have a problem and try to fight it. It doesn't sound like your mother is prepared to make any changes (and why would she if everyone always just does what she wants?).

Sorry you've had to endure this OP x