To not have done DD's hair for her exam?

[Stellaaa2017]

DD is 18 and had an A-Level exam this morning. I did her hair in a high poneytail all the way until the end of year 11. She was self-conscious and wanted it like her friends but could never do it as well as I did, so I had no problem doing it. However, I did say for further education she can do it and she managed to get it in a similar style for the start of sixth form.

This morning it wasn't going well and I admit it definitely wasn't. However, she did get it up many times with it looking ok but claimed there was just too many bumps, so kept taking it out. I admit it didn't look as good as normal but we all have bad hair days!!

She wanted me to do it. WIU not to? It's not like she didn't get her hair up or anything like that. What will she do at uni?

My son is 20 and I help him out when he asks me. With whatever he asks me. Just because he is an adult does not mean that I no longer have maternal instincts for him.

Of course you should have done it

Crikey. I had no idea that once you hit sixth form your mum doesn't do anything nice for you any more.
I do my daughters hair, if she asks, she's 21, if she wants me to help her with her hair I would, cos you know, she's my daughter!! She's at uni now, on a day to day basis she does her hair herself, but she still comes home for her Mum to help her dye it green/pink/purple 😁

I don't know what year 11 translates to in turns of age, but I'm in Ireland and 18 and my mum still does my hair the odd time! not planned just randomly like if I'm doing my makeup while rushing for work or college

OP I saw that you realized that you were in the wrong and maybe you feel a bit sorry for no helping your DD on a stressful day.

Not that it is our business but I was wondering if you're thinking of making up to her somehow?

I can't believe you wouldn't help her with something so simple on such a stressful day for her.

We are going away for the weekend to see a show in London I figured it was mean of me and I'm glad I asked. She's very happy.

YWBU and unsupportive. If she's been doing it since she was 16 then this isn't a regression, or about her being babied when she should know how to do something herself, it's her looking for care and love before a really important exam. Like attending a hospital appointment with someone or making breakfast for a partner before an interview. Try and be a bit nicer to her this evening and before her other exams.

Glad to hear she's happy. Maybe a bit of mother-daughter time will make you both feel better. Enjoy :-)

Yes you were being very unreasonable.

What does it matter her age? At 24, my stepdaughter worked behind a bar in a nightclub, every Friday night in the summer, she asked me to French plait her hair to keep cool. And I did that for her.

Add your refusal to an already stressed teenager about to do her exams means you've made it ten times worse.

Also, maybe she sees it as a bond between you?

Lighten up and do her hair for her.

So an upset, stressed daughter asks her mum for help on the morning of major exam and mum says no.

Did you honestly expect any other answer than yes YWBVVVU and selfish.

I am guessing you have realised this and are feeling guilty, Big hug and apology needed and a deep breath for the A level results day if the result doesn't go her way.

I'm shit with hair and mine is particularly unruly as it's thick and wavy. I'm 34 and get my mum to do it as often as I can when I stay at her house!

Yh maybe you were feeling uptight too but please say sorry to your daughter, helps when we acknowledge when we're in the wrong. Good luck.

I think this is more of a life lesson for you rather than your daughter, if on such a stressful day she found she couldn't turn to you for a little comfort, don't be surprised if she feels unable to turn to you for comfort in far more important future events in her life. May sound harsh but unfortunely such occasions can have far reaching consequences.

Hope you have a great time in London.

I know you got the message OP that your daughter was probably projecting stress of exam on to her hair, and that you may have helped a little by meeting her request in that moment, but equally think other posters have been a bit harsh towards you. Perhaps because the way many parents seem to carry on when teenage kids/young adults have exams these days goes too far the other way, being overly involved, bordering on obsessive. I heard a woman boring her poor friend for half an hour (longer but I left) about her son's exam that day (friend only said "hello, how are you?"!). Others who won't plan to do ANYTHING when their kids (not they themselves!) are in an exam period.
My primary school age daughter gets up early to style her own hair, learning how to do it herself she is very confident to manage it when she swims at school, goes on sleepovers etc. Also she has noticed "some kids expect their parents to do everything for them and don't know how to do things for themselves", and that they have no awareness of where they are, not orientated to their local area, don't know names of local landmarks etc.
Confidence and independence go hand in hand, mollycoddling is not kindness, it undermines self esteem. Parents vicariously living through their kids is unhealthy for everyone.

Excellent!

I'm 65 and I love it when I can get my DD to plait my hair

I didn't even realise parents still helped their kids after primary school! I've been doing my own hair since I was 10 and I never realised other kids didn't do this??
Yeah she may have been stressed but a ponytail in an exam just gets in the way. Put it in a pair or bun and it's out the way and a hell of a lot quicker.

Besides, how is she gonna cope with her uni exams if she worries too much about her hair? I just don't get it

It wasn't really about the hair ,was it?

Yabvu. She was probably stressed about her exam and you just gave her extra stress. One day in years to come in your old age you will long for the days she wanted you to tie her hair up for her

Really.....

We are going away for the weekend to see a show in London  I figured it was mean of me and I'm glad I asked. She's very happy.

Hope you both have a lovely time.

Who cares? I'm shit at hair and if it's not a professional capacity ( job interview etc) then who cares what your hair looks like. Tell her to stop being so superficial.
I know this sounds harsh but she's 18 and needs to start realising that hair is not what the world is about and she doesn't have to look like her friends and if she wants to she needs to do it herself.
She's an adult ffs but sounds like you're talking about a 7 year olds .

Importance of hair = 0
Importance of A level = 100

Hair times A Level = 0