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AIBU?

To not have done DD's hair for her exam?

210 replies

Stellaaa2017 · 14/06/2017 12:00

DD is 18 and had an A-Level exam this morning. I did her hair in a high poneytail all the way until the end of year 11. She was self-conscious and wanted it like her friends but could never do it as well as I did, so I had no problem doing it. However, I did say for further education she can do it and she managed to get it in a similar style for the start of sixth form.

This morning it wasn't going well and I admit it definitely wasn't. However, she did get it up many times with it looking ok but claimed there was just too many bumps, so kept taking it out. I admit it didn't look as good as normal but we all have bad hair days!!

She wanted me to do it. WIU not to? It's not like she didn't get her hair up or anything like that. What will she do at uni?

OP posts:
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MouseClogs · 14/06/2017 13:57

In a general sense I would personally find it a bit odd that a virtually adult child was having their hair done as a matter of routine or perceived necessity by an adult.

However, if that happens to be one's routine then - in spite of any oddness of lack thereof - the morning of an A-Level is really not the time to decide that it's weird/unnecessary/decadent and suddenly stop altogether. She was, presumably, 18 yesterday, and 18 last week and very probably 18 last month. Why did her apparent immaturity on this front suddenly become a problem today? I have to admit I think you were BU, tbh.

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Stellaaa2017 · 14/06/2017 14:00

@MouseClogs you've misunderstood...

OP posts:
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RiversrunWoodville · 14/06/2017 14:01

Maybe a film and pizza or a coffee out together after the exam and you won't feel bad and she will still have that Mum and daughter tlc just post exam? Depends on other commitments of course but just something nice together for a minute or 2 for you both

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MouseClogs · 14/06/2017 14:06

Apologies OP, just spotted that this hasn't been a regular thing for a while.

Nevertheless, I'm inclined to think that it would have been nice (and not something from which there'd be any negative effects, iyswim) to do it anyway.

If your general sense is that your DD needs to get her priorities in order and stop obsessing over tiny aesthetic imperfections then I am in full agreement, but I still maintain - even if this hasn't been a daily thing for a while - that there was little to gain from taking a stand on a point of principal the day of a big exam.

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pieceofpurplesky · 14/06/2017 14:08

Yabu. This is the end of one stage of her life and the security it offers. Maybe she just wanted to be a kid one more time

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TheMysteriousJackelope · 14/06/2017 14:11

I would have done her hair for her. Sometimes when people are stressed doing hair just doesn't go well and is that extra bit of aggravation that puts them out of sorts for the whole day. It doesn't matter what age someone is, occasionally they just need kindness.

There are plenty of other occasions to make a point, and when your DD is at university, she'll either manage to put her hair up, or adopt a different style that she can manage. It's hair, it's not like there is only one way to wear it.

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TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 14/06/2017 14:14

Gobsmacked. I was making nice breakfasts, buying posh snacks/drinks, offering to drive my 3 older DC to college when they had A levels, in case the bus was slightly late and it was getting stressful.

Can't believe you'd not help your DD with something basic on an exam day. Furthermore, can't imagine not helping a DD with her hair anytime she wanted it.

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IloveBanff · 14/06/2017 14:14

OP, would you have helped out a friend in these circumstances or refused?

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IloveBanff · 14/06/2017 14:16

Agree 100% TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth. There is no way in hell I could ever be so cold and uncaring towards my daughter. Just horrible.

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OddBoots · 14/06/2017 14:28

I think the OP has got the idea now.

It's no walk in the park being the parent of a child on that verge of adulthood and being in the house with one taking exams brings its own special kind of worry.

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ErrolTheDragon · 14/06/2017 14:30

I just told my 18yo a level student about this thread - yup, the OP was mean. I used to do her hair till she started 6th form, it's long, thick and curly - I still do it if she wants a plait. It's a nice few moments together. As to uni, someone said when your DD is at university, she'll either manage to put her hair up, or adopt a different style that she can manage but of course the other alternative - the one used by DD when she was on DofE - is for friends to help each other. A bit of mutual grooming is rather a good thing IMO. Smile

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Waltermittythesequel · 14/06/2017 14:34

OP might have gotten the idea by now but I just don't understand why you wouldn't take two minutes to do your DD's hair on such an important day!

I mean, what harm would it have done? How would it have negatively impacted you in ANY way to put your child's hair in a pony?

It's actually really quite nasty. I just don't know why you would do that to her!

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MackerelOfFact · 14/06/2017 14:38

YABU and a bit mean. I have fond memories of my GCSE exams and my mum doing lovely things for me to make my life easier - bringing me cold drinks while I was revising, sending me off to exams with a funsize chocolate bar 'for energy', buying me lavender scented candles for relaxation. I am a motivated, self-sufficient and functional adult.

Doing her hair for her on the day of an exam is just a nice thing to do. It's highly unlikely to mean she's going to turn at your door for her ponytail to be done when she's 40.

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diddl · 14/06/2017 14:40

Good grief!

Wouldn't have occurred to me to do her hair!

I'd probably just have told her it looked fine & all the best for the exam!

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waitforitfdear · 14/06/2017 14:44

Wow op my twin dds are doing A levels too and the stress levels have been huge here.

We have cooked them their favourite meals and their 26 year old brother sacrificed the England France game to help test with psychology
questions.

Their other brother and sil sent a relax pack through the post with candies and bubble bath.

I would do their hair in s heartbeat as I would anyone random who asked me.

What an odd cold way to treat your dd.

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TrollMummy · 14/06/2017 14:46

So after many years through secondary school of doing your DDs hair you choose the day of an A Level exam to get stroppy with her about itShock

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Deemail · 14/06/2017 14:52

I would do what ever it took during exam time to keep things calm.

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WomblingThree · 14/06/2017 15:09

I actually don't really see what it has to do with exams. Why is anyone's time ever too precious to help someone else with something?

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waitforitfdear · 14/06/2017 15:36

Agree wombling I would help anyone do anything like this if I was able. let alone my kids.

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waitforitfdear · 14/06/2017 15:37

diddle

What not even if you were asked?

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witsender · 14/06/2017 15:44

Yabu. She was nervous and stressed and just wanted to be mummied for a moment. My mother would help me with my hair if I asked her, and I'm 36!

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NoTouchee · 14/06/2017 15:44

As it was the morning of an A Level exam I would have done it on the grounds that anything I could do to de stress her should be done and there will be plenty of opportunities in the future to teach her the great life lesson of doing her own hair.

This for me. I don't do my kids hair now they are high school age but if asked by them when they were stressing out I absolutely would have taken 2 minutes to do it to ease the stress and show that I give a shit.

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StoatofDisarray · 14/06/2017 15:57

YWBU. As PPs have said, she was almost certainly stressed out about the exam. Did you enjoy "standing your ground" and refusing to do it? Poor girl.

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diddl · 14/06/2017 15:57

"diddle What not even if you were asked?"

Tbh, I'm not sure.

I think if they said that they were so nervous/stressed & could I just do it then I probably would.

If they were huffing/puffing/whining then maybe not!

I guess part of me just doesn't get the big hoo ha around A levels now & I'm not really sure that feeding into the drama helps.

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GoodyGoodyGumdrops · 14/06/2017 16:03

YABUU. Of course I would have done it!

I, too, have a dd with very long hair. I did her hair for her until Y6. I still do her hair for her if she asks. I do not do her hair for her when she gets in a tizzy and sulks about it.

But this was classic anxiety behaviour on the day of an important exam. I would certainly do her hair for her on such a day. Far more important t hat she be calm and relaxed than that you make some sort of obscure stand about her being old enough now.

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