To not have done DD's hair for her exam?

[Stellaaa2017]

DD is 18 and had an A-Level exam this morning. I did her hair in a high poneytail all the way until the end of year 11. She was self-conscious and wanted it like her friends but could never do it as well as I did, so I had no problem doing it. However, I did say for further education she can do it and she managed to get it in a similar style for the start of sixth form.

This morning it wasn't going well and I admit it definitely wasn't. However, she did get it up many times with it looking ok but claimed there was just too many bumps, so kept taking it out. I admit it didn't look as good as normal but we all have bad hair days!!

She wanted me to do it. WIU not to? It's not like she didn't get her hair up or anything like that. What will she do at uni?

I also have a dd aged 18 who did A level this morning she was more stressed about the exam than her hair and wouldn't drive to school because she felt stressed. I drove her to school gave her a hug and wished her luck.
Don't be mean you're her Mum

I'm 24 and my mum ironed my top for a job interview the other morning. I could have done it but I was stressed and nervous so she was helping in whichever way she could.

I think you were BU IMO. Why would you not help your daughter? Just because she's a bit older doesn't mean that she doesn't need her mum's help from time to time. You'll be moaning next that your daughter doesn't need you any more when she realises that it is futile to ask do doesn't at all. It wouldn't have taken more than 2 minutes and probably hasn't helped with her exam stress. I would say NOT the time to make a stand.

I've not read the full thread but if I were you Op I would be taking my DD out for tea or a similar treat and apologising for not being more of a help. Don't be too hard on yourself though, no one gets it right all the time.

YABU, in our house we do pretty much whatever the one doing exams wants when they are doing GCSEs and a levels.
Ds has two exams today and he decided to have a bacon and marmite sandwich which looked disgusting for breakfast, whatever he wants was the order of the day!

YWBVU. It would have taken hardly any time at all.

YABU

YWBU, given she's got an A-level exam today. She was almost certainly fussing about her hair because she was stressed about the exam.

This really wasn't a good day for insisting she needed to do it herself.

I'd have done it for her given its the morning of an exam.

I get wanting her to do it herself but you say she usually does her own hair and she'll have been insanely stressed this morning. It properly wasn't even about there being a bump in her hair but a symptom of stress.

I did uni exams at the age of 28 and I was so stressed the morning of the exam that I couldn't even make toast without burning it and dh had to do it for me.

When I was doing a levels my dad would pack my pencil case and find my keys and jumper for me on exam mornings. He would also produce a constant stream of cheese sandwhiches and coffee whilst I was revising. I had been packing my own school bag since primary school but it was the gesture that counted!

I'd have done her hair today too.

If your DH was stressed about a job interview and couldn't get his tie perfect or his cuffkinks in, wouldn't you help?

It's the same situation.

your poor dd, they get unreasonable about all sorts of stuff during their exams, its displacement for their stress.

If I was really stressed about something and was struggling on such an important day, I'd be really upset if my family didn't help, even if they didn't think it was a reasonable thing to be obsessing about.

dd is really quite independent, but during her exams I give her a lot more help, make a nice breakfast for her, even though it's the crack of dawn and do anything I can to send her off in a positive mood.

She was stressed, that's why there was a bump. YWBU. Was she sad that you wouldn't help? Any other day it would've been fine, I remember almost collapsing with nerves during my exams, they were awful!

I'm ten years older than 18 and have my own life abroad now and yet still nothing reassures me like my mum's presence and the little things she will do for me when she can. Sometimes when i'm home she'all help me get my bag together for the next leg of my trip and it just means so much. Of course i'm perfectly capable of doing it myself as a grown woman now (plus I packed a bag to see her...) but there's something about being with your mum which means you can afford to let your "adult" mask slip a bit and let yourself be looked after. It's not everyday and for most of your life "adult mode" should be fully engaged but every so often (especially when you don't have a partner who can show you little kindnesses) it is lovely to have a mum who says "let me help". And she knows her help in those instances do not detract from her daughter facing the world as an adult the rest of the time. Anyway there are some lovely stories from mums here.

YABU because if a bunch of strangers on the internet can see it wasn't really about the hair, then you should have been able to too.

My own mum is singularly unhelpful at times of stress and I cannot rely on her for help at these times and it chokes me. Please don't end up in that situation.

livefornaps That's lovely. That's what my mum was like and I wish she was still around to do those little acts of love.

OP I'm another that would have done her hair today.

Are you on glue? You do know that's your own daughter right?

Yes yabu. She was streased because of the exam! Why wouldn't you do something nice to try to help calm her?

She's 11, not an adult.

It probably wasn't about the little bump in her hair. I would've done it this morning and sent her on her way, one less thing to stress over. On any other day, she would've been told to get over it. Exam day, cut some slack.

I'm really surprised at the responses. I'd say YANBU. If I wanted to reassure someone on the day of an exam, I'd be reassuring them about the actual exam, not their hair. But then I can't actually get my head around the need for a perfect, bump-free ponytail, exam stress or no exam stress .

BTW I don't think the OP feels or felt bad about it at all, I think she's posting for us to say yes you're soooo right.

I still do the ballet bun for my 13 year old dd when she needs it to be perfect, no problem. High ponytail she wears daily she can do herself. I'd be if she asked me to do that, and at 18 very much more so.

Well if she was just going to the shops or whatever, then at 18 yes she should do her own hair, but she was about to do an exam so I think you should have done it, and it's not like she was demanding a french plait or anything complicated.