To not have done DD's hair for her exam?

[Stellaaa2017]

DD is 18 and had an A-Level exam this morning. I did her hair in a high poneytail all the way until the end of year 11. She was self-conscious and wanted it like her friends but could never do it as well as I did, so I had no problem doing it. However, I did say for further education she can do it and she managed to get it in a similar style for the start of sixth form.

This morning it wasn't going well and I admit it definitely wasn't. However, she did get it up many times with it looking ok but claimed there was just too many bumps, so kept taking it out. I admit it didn't look as good as normal but we all have bad hair days!!

She wanted me to do it. WIU not to? It's not like she didn't get her hair up or anything like that. What will she do at uni?

Diddl- if you don't get the big deal around A'levels then I'm not sure your opinion on how to handle a level students is worth much.

Why on earth wouldn't you help a member of your family with something that takes 2 mins but makes them feel so much better about themselves? Ffs, I sort out dh's hair sometimes and he's 50 and he helps me with all manner of things.

I guess part of me just doesn't get the big hoo ha around A levels now & I'm not really sure that feeding into the drama helps.

Calmly doing the hair seems to me less 'drama feeding' tbh - don't sweat the small stuff.

As to why they're maybe extra stressed nowadays - a lot of university offers are high, it would be odd if students didn't care where they ended up (especially now they pay).
Plus this is the first year of the new format non-modular A levels, which are supposed to be tougher and there isn't a stock of past papers, just a specimen or two. And the feedback so far is generally not only that they are tough but on some papers the exam boards have cocked up in various ways.

I like to wear my hair in a plait sometimes. I can do it myself, of course, but if there's anyone else around I ask because it's quicker and nearly always neater. I can also do lots of other things for myself - like zipping up dresses and folding sheets. But it's easier with help.

My lovely mum occasionally put my hair up for me before work aged 23!! I could never, and still cant, do it as well as she did. I have not long lost her and would give anything for her to do my hair one last time, as, I imagine, would she.

So on a personal level, yabvu! In the real world, probably not so much.

You lovely lovely mother's all putting your children's hair up! I'm crap with my hair because on one ever taught me.

It's not even about the hair.

It's about her already stressed out dd asking her to do something tiny but helpful and OP just refusing!

Why did OP actually refuse? It seems she won't answer!

It's a bizarrely unkind way to treat her dd!

"Calmly doing the hair seems to me less 'drama feeding' tbh - don't sweat the small stuff. "

It depends on the kid perhaps.

I do get that A levels are stressful & a big deal, but constantly pandering to someone because they are doing A levels surely just makes it a bigger deal than it need be?

I might have done the hair in this case, I'm not sure, but I don't think that Op is as awful as a lot of posters seem to be making out.

I would've helped. She's obviously stressed and just wanted a bit of help from her mom to calm her down.

I'm in my twenties and I quite often do my friends and my sisters hair for them. If my friends DD wants French plaits my friend asks me to pop over and do it for her and I always do. I enjoy it and it's a nice thing to do for other people to show you care. If DP has a stressful day ahead of him I'll sometimes iron his clothes for work and collect together his headphones, train pass etc. He's perfectly capable of doing all those things and does, but sometimes when other people have got a lot on their minds it's nice to help out and take the pressure off imo.

But Diddl, it has nothing to do with hair or A Levels. Doing nice things for other people is not fucking "pandering".

Summer holiday get a severed head (hairdressers practice dummy) a ton of hair stuff and tell her to do two 30 min sessions a day.

I'd have done it for her. I dread the day when my little girl doesn't ask for my help anymore!

I can definitely see your point but yeah, think YWBU sorry. Any normal day would have agreed with you (I would have been mortified to ask my mum to do my hair after about age 9!) but it's standard to do things for friends and family that you wouldn't normally do before a significant/stresful occasion, surely? e.g give friend lift to station for an interview when they usually walk/catch the train, iron DH shirt before first day at a new job when he is more than capable of doing it himself, etc. It's just a nice thing to do.

However the people who are being really U are the posters who bypassed the specific words in your post to reply in outrage to the opposite of what you actually said, like the muppet who accused you of waiting until her exam to make her do her hair for the first time herself, or the one who told off other people for thinking your daughter was 18. FFS!

Is it just me or does anyone find the OP's subsequent responses, a couple of lines to specific posters, really odd? Most people are saying yes YABU, why not acknowledge that? Or just don't come back to the thread at all.

Today was the day to help out OP.

But I think you've been told.

Yabvvu - as so many others have said. A bit of kindness does no harm - she has anyway been doing her hair herself. A day here and day is nothing. You will miss her soon enough when she's off to uni.

Would have helped out considering the exam was scheduled. You don't mention if she is the type to get stressed so perhaps she was just not managing.

While she does need to learn to do it, I probably would have done it for exam. She isn't in Further Education yet - let her worry about it then. She might have a completely different hair style at university.

YWBU

Haven't read any posts only OP but I have to say known the stress these young people are under yabu - there is a time and a place for learning to be independent and I would say before an exam isn't it. I work with young people and was in the exam this morning with a v anxious young lady who if she had had an issue with her mum this morning she wouldn't have got into the exam at all. Don't under estimate how much they are going through - the exams are harder than ever this year and longer for A level too. This is their future and although as adults we know the world doesn't stop if they don't get the grades they want - for the majority this is the biggest hurdle they have come across yet.

I would have just because it's very soothing and it would have calmed her before her exam.

I think the day of an exam is not the day to make a stand tbh so YABU. She was probably stressed and anxious and it wouldn't have hurt you to help her out. I've always made my dc's lives as easy as possible at times of high stress as I don't see the point of adding to their anxiety.

Ok she's 18 and can do her own hair.

But I'm in my 30's and have asked for help in my adulthood to get something right when I've had more important and serious things on my mind.

YABU and quite unkind to an already stressed person.

Good God if your mum can't make a fuss of you on an A level exam day what have we come to. How long would it have taken you? Maybe 2 minutes. I guess you will be proud of her if she gets good results?