To not have done DD's hair for her exam?

[Stellaaa2017]

DD is 18 and had an A-Level exam this morning. I did her hair in a high poneytail all the way until the end of year 11. She was self-conscious and wanted it like her friends but could never do it as well as I did, so I had no problem doing it. However, I did say for further education she can do it and she managed to get it in a similar style for the start of sixth form.

This morning it wasn't going well and I admit it definitely wasn't. However, she did get it up many times with it looking ok but claimed there was just too many bumps, so kept taking it out. I admit it didn't look as good as normal but we all have bad hair days!!

She wanted me to do it. WIU not to? It's not like she didn't get her hair up or anything like that. What will she do at uni?

I would definitely have done it.

It gets wearing doesn't it OP? I must admit that when my DD"s friend aged NINE needs help even brushing her hair when she stays here, I think "Why can't you do it yourself?"

No SN...she just asks me because her Mum does it for her...so she's not getting any practice.

You weren't BU in my opinion.

Honestly i think its quite ridiculous you were doing her hair throughout high school if she is able bodied.
I have really, really unruly hair, tight curly, very frizzy, it's literally afro type. Yet i was able and expected to do my own hair from about year 5 so 9/10 years old.
Having a bit of a tantrum about not getting your hair perfect is also quite silly. Everyone there will be so stressed and focused on the exam i doubt anyone would notice her hair.

I would have refused too

My Ddad would russle up a packed lunch worthy of kings on my exam days. I felt cared about and supported when I felt far too old too need such childish things.

I'd have done it on this one day. Why not?

I think you're mean too because she was obviously stressed.

I also think you're a fool for doing her hair post primary school.

You weren't BU in my opinion
On the day of an A Level exam you wouldn't do anything to make your child's life easier??

Your DD had an A level exam this morning and just wanted a bit of attention and reassurance. At Uni, she'll probably get a friend/flatmate to help when she's all fingers and thumbs with stress.

I think you were U in the past for doing a teenager's hair for them for so long. You put her hair up for her every day of her secondary school career - no wonder she's struggling now she's 18!

On this occasion I think most people would have helped out their teen DD on the morning of an A-level ... but it does sound rather as if this has its roots in the battles of the past and you felt you couldn't "back down" (even though today would have been a one-off) so I sympathise - sometimes we can't see the woods for the trees, everyone has been there.

Fwiw, I am getting frustrated with my 8-yr-old's hair & have said unless you can manage it yourself you need a different style, so I cannot imagine being in your situation - I'm hoping to have left hairdresser duties well behind by Year 7!

oh fgs

I brush my dds hair and put it in a ponytail every morning. She's 11 and I'll do it as long as she wants me to.

What's the hurry? They all grow up and learn independence quickly enough.

Why would you want your dd stressed on an exam day when you could have helped? I think ywbu

@frenboop she's 11! I did it at 11!

You were a bit U today. Make it up to her later by making her favourite meal or just being there to listen to whatever she wants to say tonight. I am now 52 and found A level exams more stressful than my Finals.

She was stressed so I would have done it. I will do anything for my dds for as long as they need me to at whatever age.

Why did you refuse to be kind?
To your own daughter?
On a stressful day?
Are you generally a horrible person?
Or is it just your own daughter you are mean to?

She's 11 and I'll do it as long as she wants me to.

Until she's 16?

What's the hurry? They all grow up and learn independence quickly enough.

Or they don't. Which can then be a problem.

But each to their own. I just hate the hair faffing and find mine quite enough to deal with, so I am in a hurry about it! Ditto shoe-laces, lunch boxes, putting away clean clothes etc etc etc.

I'd do it for my 17 year old if she wanted me to! Honestly they grow up and leave home quickly enough. I'd feel a bit shit now if I were you and probably cook her something nice later.

I think it was a bit mean of you, tbh.

Yes, fine, she's perfectly capable of doing her own hair 18, but she was clearly stressed about her exam and asked for your help - it would only have taken you two minutes!

Sorry, but I am with the people who are saying you should have done it. The morning of an A level exam is not the time to teach a child a life lesson about their hair, or to add to their stress, when a couple of minutes of your time could have relieved it instead.

YWBU

YABU given the context. I can't get anything right when I'm stressed and getting things more wrong stresses me out even more.

For the sake of 2 minutes on a day that's stressing her out I'd have helped.

Any other day I'd have told her to get a grip and do it herself.

*What's the hurry? They all grow up and learn independence quickly enough.

Or they don't. Which can then be a problem.*

There is a lot of COMPLETE BOLLOCKS talked about this on MN

My dd was the clingiest, least independent child on gods earth (no SN). I didn't leave her at a party on her own until she was 8. She wouldn't go into the classroom at school in the morning without me until she was in year 4.

She is now 17, highly independent, very confident, happy, well-adjusted child.

If I had a penny for all the doomsayers who told me she'd never learn independence, I was making a rod for own back etc etc I'd be a rich woman!!

I do think some posters are being a bit mean to the OP. She is clearly feeling "a bit bad" about it, as it's niggled at her enough to post about it.

Anyway, OP, just make it up to her later with something she'll really appreciate.

I think you were unkind and unreasonable to refuse to help today, on A-levels. I remember having an uncharacteristic meltdown about some silly mascot, but my parents did everything they could to help, understanding it was exam-related stress.

As a PP says, this is the kind of thing she may unfortunately remember for a long time. Honestly, I would sit her down tonight and apologise properly for not realising she needed you today, give her a hug. Obviously on a normal day she can do her hair herself, but you need to be supportive on exam days.