Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

261 replies

frenboop · 14/06/2017 11:36

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

OP posts:
Piratesandpants · 14/06/2017 15:56

YANBU. Research shows that inexperince is behind the wheel is a killer. Just google, you will find it. Yes to other posters identifying other risks but it's always good to eliminate those you can.

Nelly5678 · 14/06/2017 15:57

It would be the beach an hour away that's the problem for me not the friend driving. If they can pass their test then they can drive

Nelly5678 · 14/06/2017 15:57

It would be the beach an hour away that's the problem for me not the friend driving. If they can pass their test then they can drive

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/06/2017 15:58

There is a reason insurance for teens is astronomical.

MrsPeelyWaly · 14/06/2017 16:01

OP, I wouldn't allow it. In fact none of our children were even allowed to drive alone for the first month or so after getting their licence and they couldn't take friends in the car for 6 months.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/06/2017 16:03

The 6 months rule seems quite standard with my friends with newly passed teens MrsPeelyWaly

Eggsbutnobacon · 14/06/2017 16:30

And it's also worth noting ( again from my police officer friend) that there are more accidents involving teenagers on quiet country roads than on motorways

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 14/06/2017 16:33

I will always want motorway lessons for ds when he gets his licence.

MrsPorth · 14/06/2017 16:51

I agree with the six month rule. I don't understand why his parents are letting him have their car under these circumstances. It's irresponsible.

You can't stop her, but encourage her to get a taxi home if she's in any way uncomfortable or if he drinks alcohol.

CrewsInn · 14/06/2017 16:52

Dame I paid for both DSs to have motorway lessons as well as letting them drive as often as possible when we went on motorways.
Country lanes are the big danger here where we live - blind bends and dips.
As to not being able to tell a 17 year old they can't go. I guess some that age are rebellious but most will surely be like mine and respect what parents say.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/06/2017 17:31

If they can pass their test then they can drive.

I don't agree with this statement Nelly. I absolutely think you learn to pass your test. Once you've passed your test, you then learn to drive. I started driving a little bit when I was 8 and more when I could properly see and reach the pedals at the same time. Yet I really didn't know how to drive once I'd passed my test and I had far more experience than the average person when I went out on my own.

user1497444078 · 14/06/2017 17:40

Do any posters on here take their DC out in the car in between lessons? Most ppl I know take their DC out to help build confidence and gain experience. Maybe that's why I haven't heard as many horror stories or ridiculously high death rates as some other posters, and why going on an hr journey isn't a big deal.

Coddiwomple · 14/06/2017 17:47

Do any posters on here take their DC out in the car in between lessons?

yes...
It doesn't mean they have enough experience to drive on their own!

I haven't heard as many horror stories or ridiculously high death rates as some other posters
then have a chat with police officers, A&E personnel or even someone working in the insurance industry

specialsubject · 14/06/2017 17:49

I am glad to hear that killer driver is still banned.

There are only very limited circumstances when you can cross a solid white line. Someone who makes that ' lack of judgement' should never drive again.

Saw someone nearly killed by this 'lack of judgement' only this week. Although the near-killer wasn't a teen.

Original poster
frenboop · 14/06/2017 17:49

Hi all. It's been cancelled anyway as they've realised its fathers day and they are all doing other stuff. Obviously very nice kids really Wink

OP posts:
MaidenMotherCrone · 14/06/2017 17:51

If your DD was stuck somewhere, possibly in danger and the new driver and their friends went to rescue her would you feel the same Op?

DS1 did exactly that, drove from N.Wales to Cardiff to go and rescue his school friend who was being abused by her boyfriend. By himself, at night, just after passing his test.

Just saying....

kali110 · 14/06/2017 17:58

I said it at the beginning yet the op won't answer, why are you presuming the driver is going to drink??
None of my friends who passed their test early have ever drunk and drove.
You do have a very low opinion of your dd's friends.
My parents were very strict compared to others, yet im very thankful they judged my bf on him and not 'what he may do' Confused

StarHeartDiamond · 14/06/2017 17:59

Maiden - that's commendable but it's probably not common that the young person in need wouldn't be able to call on a parent, family member, older friend etc first or if a young newly passed friend wasn't available. Who would she have called if your ds has had a drink and been unable to drive? Or if he didn't have a car to drive that night? Lots of newly passed young people wouldn't necessarily have their own car or access to one in a hurry.

StarHeartDiamond · 14/06/2017 18:02

In other words, I'd expect my dd to call me, her dad, her aunties, uncles, friends parents, grandparents etc. If she was in real danger requiring a rescue from hundreds of miles away. There would be at least one adult (probably 10+) in her close and wider circle to help in a serious situation. Heck, I'd do it for a neighbour if it was super serious,

user1497444078 · 14/06/2017 18:04

yes...
It doesn't mean they have enough experience to drive on their own

Yes... But you'll be in a better position to judge if they have enough experience to drive on their own. As opposed to putting arbitrary number on when safe to do so. Some drivers won't be safe to drive on their own after 6months passed, some will be safe right away. If you closely monitor and show active involvement you'll be better placed to judge.

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 14/06/2017 18:05

My parents never drove. When I passed my test and bought my own car, I had to collect it from Cheltenham 100 miles away from me and drive back on my own.

I do not get all of the angst

StarHeartDiamond · 14/06/2017 18:07

How old were you, tent?

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 14/06/2017 18:25

StarHeartDiamond

I was eighteen years old

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 14/06/2017 18:28

So no kindly parents/family giving me extra experience in their car.

Blimey, I had to buy my own car with no help and pay for ALL of my own lessons

AmserGwin · 14/06/2017 18:42

YANBU he needs to get a bit more experience before driving with a load of people in the car, it feels very different weight wise