to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

[frenboop]

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

Get over yourself - you just sound lovely OP, really nice.
Why did you post on here at all? You want everyone to say what a wonderful mother you are?

When my DD1 was 15 I remember a big argument blowing up because I refused to let her go out in a car driven by a newly qualified 17 year old boy (who I barely even knew). It was hard, but I stood my ground, as did DH, and she wasn't allowed to go. I don't think I would have let her go at 17 either.

DD was furious at the time. She is 22 now, still fairly newly qualified and drives herself, has her own car etc. She now gets why we were so adamant about it.

It is always a leap of faith for parents when our children's age group begin driving. Very hard.

I know my DD is a good driver, but when I know she is driving between home and uni I am still on edge until she arrives safely. I guess it is just called being a parent.

User Yes, my driving abilities and choice of friends is reeeeeally questionable given that I supervised a patrol at a scout camp for a week and one of the scouts later went on to kill his friend by driving into a tree while speeding.

I obviously make poor choices by seeing a group of teens racing at over 100 mph skid right in front of me on the road, drive up onto a bank, spin the car around as it shot into the air, crash it back down on the road so hard all four wheels got forced flat, watched it skid back in front of other cars and land in the median. Three teens jammed in the front, none wearing seat belts. They nearly killed me and two other drivers. I clearly need to take a long hard look at myself and how I choose to live my life because of that.

Idiot.

I have had loads of amazing useful advice. Your post was neither helpful or informed, just a bit goady.

That was to wisteria btw

Yawn, yes a goady troll too .
You are unquestionably rude and aggressive on here having asked if you are unreasonable.

You obviously think you know the best thing to do, so do it.

Use your aggressiveness on the boy to frighten him from taking your precious child.

I was aggressive with user, who was extremely offensive.

I was cross with you for spectacularly missing the point of the thread and latching onto one throw away remark to prove how anti boys i must be.

Lots of people said I was U at the beginning and were perfectly nice and straightforward about it. It is possible you know.

I don't care how you justify your rudeness particularly.

Not everyone is going to gush and praise you for your decisions in life.

As sparkling said, I am going to leave you to it too.

Well yes, if you bothered reading instead of spitting venom, you will have noticed that I posted very early on.

Oh calm down, this isn't about you.

Shush now.

The rule for DD is you can go with new drivers when they have done 10,000 miles or 3 months driving which ever is soonest.
DD happily uses the excuse of draconian parents to get out of being driven by others and not offend them.
She recently passed and the same applies to her.
Her new pickup arrived yesterday and she won't drive alone for another month until we are both confident she is safe. She may do regular routes soon but motorways and new roads will be under supervision.
The biggest killer of teenage girls is teenage boys in cars.
Have been some horrible accidents and tragically a death locally of driving teens that I am sure if influencing both her and I.
I would rather be very cautious at first when hopefully she has years of driving freedom ahead.

I grew up rurally and not everyone made it, thanks to RTAs caused by reckless, inexperienced boys and young men.
That's a far worse thing than a few people getting offended at the perceived slur on teenage boys which is not a slur it's a fact.

Yes God forbid someone's little Prince gets offended by people discussing statistical likelihoods

I would say no. I have been through this scenario and I would want the new driver to have been doing small journeys for a few weeks , not to be undertaking a long journey like that in a car full of friends . You are not her friend , you are her mum, say no. I would suggest they go on the train if possible instead . Good luck .

Fair enough my comment on choice of friends was poorly expressed and I apologise for any offense but I was simply wishing to express that just because alot of PP have horror stories that isn't a fair reflection on all young drivers.

frenboop you call me a troll yet at least I attempt to rationalise my argument. E.g if a driving lesson is an hr long what's the concern over a new driver undertaking an hr long journey once he passes? Hardly the reach exceeding the grasp?

Yet you use phrases like 'ignorant bollocks', 'too thick' instead of engaging in meaningful discussion. And I still don't understand why underage drinking is ok by you yet legal driving isn't, giving the risk with alcohol related deaths amongst youngsters?

I understand the concerns regarding young drivers and risk of RTA, but feel you need to look at the big picture. I wonder how many of those RTA occurred at nighttime/winter, involved poorer conditions and/or a car full of boys. Any one of those factors would have a big impact on the stats. I think if you delved into the stats and looked at how many occurred during June which has a considerable amount of daylight, fairly decent weather and includes sensible passengers such as the Op DD? Weighing all that up I would say the risk is low and would be inclined to give the lad the benefit of the doubt and let DD go on the trip.

Like I said not trolling, just a perspective from a once 17yr lad, who undertook such journeys, had lasting memories with trips with such friends and have never been involved in a RTA.

I haven't RTFT but this org visited ds's school

www.safedrive.org.uk

YABNU at all, stick to your guns

If you think an hours driving lesson with a trained instructor is the same as driving with full responsibility for your lairy mates in the car, there is no point in having any kind of discussion. I see you are not happy about having boys 'criticised'. Why don't you go away and read some facts about rtas then come back and apologise?

OP, I haven't read the full thread so someone else may have covered this.

But tell her that if she doesn't feel safe you'll collect her from the beach. That way if they do drink and she's too embarrassed to say anything, she can say "oh my mum wants to visit my aunty so she's going to pick me up on the way"

When DS learns to drive, I won't be offended in any way if a concerned parent doesn't want their DD in the car with him. I'd want DS to get some experience behind him before passengers.

Gosh, this got nasty fast. What a shame.

User1497- what the difference between an hour long test and an hour long journey?

Well. How about:

• test is during best behaviour and using extreme concentration
• no distractions of passengers
• no distractions of music, phones etc
• test usually undertaken in familiar learning territory
• journey could involve motorway which isn't part of the test and is a chance to speed
• journey is probably unfamiliar to new driver do as well as concentrating on fri big, is also concentrating on route
• maos, sat nav use which may be compounded by wrong directions from passengers

That's just off the top of my head. There's probably lots more.

Do you still think there's no difference between an hours test and an hours journey?

*driving as well as route