to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

[frenboop]

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

You're making some many presumptions that you're convincing yourself that there will be problems before it even happens.

The boys will be lairy and drinking will be involved on the beach, but you don't really know them that well. Do you often jump to conclusions?

I've got 2 sons, both passed their driving tests at 17 as did the majority of their friends.
We live rurally, they had a few lessons and went out plenty with dh and I. Both of them are excellent drivers, they've done their pass pluses and DS1(22) has passed further categories on his license due to his job.

They and their friends have been very respectful of each other when they have been driving, especially when newly qualified. They sit down and shut up. Not all kids are pitas and you really shouldn't be judging someone who you don't really know. It's highly likely he will have a black box fitted and will be driving cautiously.

Oh and in their friendship groups the girls have had way more accidents than the boys.

at the sexism on here.
I have two boys, as I said above I didn't let them take passengers until they had gained experience nor did I let them accept lifts.
They have told me some hair raising stories about friends. Stupidity and immaturity appear to apply to both sexes.
One boy had his insurance cancelled within two weeks because his black box showed his driving to be so bad.
One had a near miss when his female passenger draped herself across him while he was driving. He was sober and she was drunk.
There is one girl who DS refused to get in the car with ever because she texts and drives.

Once they did start taking passengers both DC found that friends who could drive would keep quiet not distract and none driving friends would be less understanding.

It doesn't sound like you have a very good opinion of your DD's friends OP. Obviously she has made some bad choices in life.

It is quite depressing how many people feel the need to dismiss my concerns as 'jumping to conclusions' and somehow as unwarranted criticism of boys.

Amazingly, I do actually know some RL boys who drive. They seem very pleasant, intelligent young men. I've never been in the car with them so can't comment on their driving. I know about two local accidents where young people were killed. Both were young, newky qualified male drivers with a bunch of friends in the car.

Fwiw, I wouldn't let dd drive to the beach with a car full of mates two days after she's passed her test either.

It doesn't sound like you have a very good opinion of your DD's friends OP. Obviously she has made some bad choices in life.

What a pathetic thing to say.

Wow. Boys really don't like implied criticism, huh?

This is about boys because a boy is the driver in this instance and statistics show young newly qualified male drivers are more likely to have a rta. Make of that what you will.

It was you that said about the lairy mates

That Scottish collision was caused, says the article , by crossing a solid white line. He will be long back on the road by now. No dangerous roads, just lethal drivers

Yes he crossed a solid white line to overtake - indicative of a lack of judgement, which is exactly what we are discussing.

And he's not 'long back on the road by now' - he actually received a 10 year driving ban in addition to his prison sentence. So the earliest he can get back behind the wheel again is next year.

The road is dangerous because the speed limit doesn't drop unless you're passing through villages. Better signage is needed to warn drivers and a speed restriction on the worst turns would help, as there are a number of very sharp twists and turns between Perth and Crieff which can catch even experienced drivers out if they haven't been that way before. There's no street lighting outside the villages either.

How can you "not let" a 17 year old do something? Judging by myself at 17 that is

It doesn't sound like you have a very good opinion of your DD's friends OP. Obviously she has made some bad choices in life

What rubbish. Haven't you seen the statistics which show that newly qualified drivers are more likely to crash? Haven't you seen the evidence which demonstrates that teenage drivers with teenage passengers are far more likely to be involved in an accident where they will be seriously injured or killed?

Here's a handy link to Brake where you'll find lots of information on the risks associated with teenage drivers.

• Drivers aged 16-19 are a third more likely to die in a crash than drivers aged 40-49

• One in four 18-24 year olds (23%) crash within two years of passing their driving test

• Young male drivers are involved in many more crashes than young female drivers

But yes, it's all OP's daughter's fault for making 'poor choices'

She is obviously making a poor choice if she chooses to go on Sunday then.

Anyway, bowing out as this thread is no good for my blood pressure. When you've been on the receiving end of the emergency claims line listening to a sobbing teen explain that they've crashed their car and are being sued by their dead passengers' families, it tends to make you rather risk averse where newly qualified drivers are concerned.

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

Yes, she would be lightasthebreeze I agree with you there.

I agree with Davros to be honest.

How can you "not let" a 17yo not do something? What about in less than a year when she turns 18 and then you have no control over her choices?

You're not unreasonable to be a bit apprehensive about her going in a car with a newly passed driver, but his behaviour when pissed and not driving should not be a reflection on him as a driver.

When I was 17 we all piled in the new drivers cars to go to the beach. I don't recall anyone's parents having an issue with it, not that they would have had any means of stopping young adults doing something perfectly legal.

no no a thousand times no.
Driving with friends (no doubt music on, chatting) is very different than being able to correctly meet the standards of a driving test in that environment. It isn't insulting to the driver, they just need to clock up a lot more miles before they have the experience for that kind of jaunt x100

My friends have teens who have all recently passed, no big jaunts yet especially with friends and music etc .

Thank you Paul. I've been very shocked at SOME of the parents of boys or male posters on this thread blaming both me and dd. I will show her the Brake website

Basically if I were OP I'd be fucked if I would risk my daughter's life to appease some skewed notions of sexism or ageism.

Yes, that too toastdemon

I have been on both sides of this argument...ds1 and dd both passed their tests very soon after their birthdays, dd has always had driving boyfriends and ds1 was one of the first of his peers to pass and buy a car.

All you can do is drum into the driver that driving is not a right, and then put the bloody fear of god in them about killing themselves or someone else all for a single moment of inattention....be that a rowdy passenger, showing off, trying to change a cd!

Having said that if you have a bolshy know it all ( generally loud and drunk show off type of-- teen driving a fancy pants car that someone else is paying for you have to face facts that something bad is way more likely to happen.

All you can do is instil your child with the confidence to say "No" to a lift with a dangerous driver and be there to back them up/collect them as required.

Sorry if someone else has already suggested, but is there any method of public transport you could look up that you could suggest she gets home on the very slim chance the driver drinks? Maybe rather than stopping her altogether you could research an alternative way to get home (bus/train as taxi would be £££) that gives her the freedom she wants but also gives you some peace of mind!
I passed my test at 18 and would never have had a drink and then got in my car because I was so worried about having my licence taken off me, but I did know boys that did drink. Maybe talk to her about your expectations and how she should keep safe as a passenger?

My DS and DSD are the same age. When she passed her test, the insurance didn't specify a black box in the car. When he passed his test a few months later, it was compulsory unless we wanted to pay ££££ more.

Statistically boys are more dangerous.

SOME boys will be better drivers than SOME girls and we have no way of knowing who is who do we?

Ultimately I don't think newly qualified drivers should be going out with their mates at all for a few hundred miles.

My DSD did exactly that and me and OH argued about it at the time.

I'd say no. When I passed my driving test many years ago, my instructor told me afterwards that "Now is when you start to learn how to drive" and he was right, it took a good year after passing for me to be a decent driver and in those first few months of driving I couldn't even have music playing in the car as it was a distraction, let alone other people talking to me!

I'm with you OP. Try and stop her going.

This isn't about age and only partly about it being a boy, it's about experience and context. This new driver will have zero experience a an independent driver, zero experience of driving his mates and dealing with the inevitable distractions, probably zero experience of navigating or driving this particular route. He may have zero experience of doing "real" driving for an hour on unfamiliar roads with potentially no other qualified driver in the car.
My DS is learning to drive and although he is very sensible and close to test standard, he still sometimes is unsure how to react to situations and nervous in unchartered waters.
My neighbor's son was killed just down the road, speeding shortly after passing his test. Two girls were killed at the boarding school of a friends DS. They went to the local town to get a burger and never came back. Now the school will not allow new drivers to take passengers.
They will probably all go and come back safely, but the statistics alone would make me say no to my child.

No point in having any kind of discussion
why don't you go away you and read some facts

Yawn, typical diversion tactics as you clearly have no desire for discussion and have nothing of value to add as your other posts clearly show.

Here's a fact for you.. Most road journeys undertaken by a car full of youngsters don't end in RTAs?

You obviously can't accept any other view point as your attitude shows, and as other posters have said you're basically just fishing for compliments.

Good luck to your DD

I teach at a Sixth Form College so the students are at Driving age. I have taught for 20 years and on average a student/ student friend is killed every year in a car crash.

Last year a student passed his test then the next day crashed his car into a tree at lunchtime the next day. I taught him in the morning and he did not ever return to college - absolutely gutting and a waste of a life.

A girl student died driving home on the last day of term. There are too many to list but the students will not be forgotten.

I also have teenage children - the family rule is that they need to prove they are safe experienced drivers before they offer lifts to others.

I would NOT let my DD get into the car in the situation suggested.