Embarrassing to ask.... Not very British.... But how much REGULAR financial help do you get from your parents/your partner's parents?

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

There are lots of posts on here about people talking about not being able to deal with how controlling their parents/DP's parents are, and so going it alone.

How hard to people who have made that choice find that?

I'm talking about (for example) child care, so help-in-kind (if it's regular).

But also actual money as well

The reason I'm asking is that my (widowed) mother is making choices which I can't get behind.

I've had a lot of help all my adult life. I've had help with all sorts of things.... school uniform, dentist (for me), spends for holidays. Really big proper help.

I'm thinking that because I can't support mum's choices, it would be wrong to take her money. But that's SO easy to write on the internet, and so hard when you've got a job you love which doesn't pay very well.

I suspect I'll get a lot of posters telling me how they've always done it one their own (and, big respect for that). I don't have a lot of earning power. It's not that I could just go and get another job which would earn me more.

anyway, I'm not asking this to talk about myself, but I'm interested in how many people actually have help which is part of their day-to-day lives, or things like help for DCs b.days or Christmas. And if you DON'T have that, and can survive but not thrive, what do you do for high-days-and-holidays?

I apologise if this is extremely naive!

When the DC were small, DH was out of work for a year after an injury, DMiL and DFIL helped us financially with a 'loan' each month for the last 4 or 5 months. When we were back on our feet, we offered to pay them back but they said no. Equally my DP helped on an adhoc basis.

DFiL died a couple of years ago and DMiL paid for us to have a holiday of a lifetime when she received the inheritance.

My DP are less comfortable than DMiL and I know they would help if we were struggling. If we go out for dinner with them DDad will pay (although we offer and we will buy drinks). The DS's have an expensive hobby and DM will sometimes offer to pay for some shoes for them as she loves watching them do their hobby. But I think part of that is that she does a lot of regular childcare for my DBro and DSis and helps DSis (a single mum) out a lot financially, including 'lending' her their second car.

I'm very grateful to both sets of parents and are prepared to help them out as they get older. DH (and DS1) provide a lot of practical support for DMIL taking and picking her up from places, doing jobs around the house which hopefully goes someway to repaying her generosity.

Nothing since leaving home. We bought our own homes, cars, furniture etc paid for childcare. We don't live near parents, otherwise we may have had babysitters for the odd night/day out, they do babysit if they itsy over but rarely

Nothing from either.

I've pretty much supported myself since I left home at 18, but could always rely on Mum for a bailout if really stuck. Mind you, she didn't have a pot to piss in herself so we're not talking mega bucks. But I've taken loans from her for things like plane tickets which sh

None

I've never had help from my mother, financial, childcare or otherwise. I've lent her a fair of money though.

fair bit

I've never received money from parents for luxury things as holidays or help with presents - we save up for these things and don't overspend. I'd be uncomfortable with financial help for non-essentials.

We did have help from my parents when our youngest dd needed some private medical help, and we couldn't afford it.
Also my dhs parents helped us out with the deposit of our house, which is a loan and we.re paying it back slowly atbthe moment.

No help whatsoever since I went to university aged 18. That was in the days of student grants, but I got a job to supplement that so worked all through uni as well as studying.

DH and I paid for our own wedding and the deposit for our house; I paid for my own driving lessons and my first car by myself (pre-DH).

They've babysat DS twice, I think - he's 14 now.

I know they've helped out siblings but meh - I'm proud of having done it all myself. DH and I have well-paying jobs, relatively - we work hard but we can get away in the summer and treat ourselves if we want. I prefer the independence: my relationship with my parents is such that I wouldn't want to feel beholden.

No financial help. They haven't supported me financially since I left university over 20 years ago. It hasn't been necessary. I'm sure that they would have helped if I had been struggling.

They do have dd after school a couple of times a week, but this is more to see her rather than to help us. It does make life easier, but doesn't have a financial impact as we wouldn't be using paid childcare anyway - we would just organise things differently.

I paid my lunch,clothes and bus etc once I went to college from my Saturday job.
I've never had any financial help from either parent. Occasionally I've helped my mum though. With childcare,in emergencies my mum will help but ds has always had full time nursery, he now has wraparound clubs which we pay for.
I like paying as it makes it a straightforward transaction. I have always worked full time aside from mat leave and a period after being made redundant.
Ime when people pay,they have expectations and opinions on how money should be spent.

None, either money or childcare, apart from gifts for birthdays and Christmas.

I don't know many adults, who rely on their parents still for money. I know lots who think being a grandparent means automatically babysitting on tap.

£200 per month into an ISA in the hope we will be able to save enough for a deposit on a house.

They regularly buy DD stuff (I don't ask for this though)

Odd but of babysitting

We work incredibly hard and as a consequence we are comfortable but by no means well off. We would neither be comfortable nor in our own home if DH's parents weren't so generous. We are very, very lucky and I'm under no illusion that we're not.

On the one hand I feel very uncomfortable being financially beholden to anyone, but on the other hand I'm not going to turn down help if it is offered at an appropriate time.

Difficult one tbh.

Sorry, pressed send

Anyway, since being with DH, his parents are pretty loaded so every so often (twice a year, maybe) we get a dividend from one of their companies, like €3-4k. This is obviously very helpful to keep us ticking over, pay for home improvements or whatever. I appreciate we're very very lucky. But they're great people, I have no issues with them. Would I take their money if I did? I honestly don't know. It benefits DD, ultimately, so yeah, I probably would.

When I was at uni they gave me £100 per month for 1 year. So £1200 total. I was at uni for a 4 year degree. They also gave me £400 when I was at uni for a deposit on a rental flat. Paid for all the rest of uni myself.

I lived at home for about a year after graduating rent free. It was hellish. I had to put up with their emotional abuse and mind games in exchange for free rent.

That was years ago. I've never accepted or been offered anything since. I made it a priority to get a well paid job so that I could be independent. I retrained via evening classes, then quit my low paying but enjoyable job to get a high paying job in a different profession to be able to be totally independent.

I haven't had money help from parents but they help in lots of other ways. Both parents and in laws did regular childcare, I get DIY help from FIL too. They give us lots of emotional support.

My mother (nearly 90). regularly buys things for me when we go shopping. Her hobby is clothes shopping, so she likes to choose things for me and for her grandchildren too. She will often give money for things or split he cost of something with me. Recently she went halves on buying my (now grown up) foster child a car. She can very comfortably afford to do so, she enjoys being involved with the family - we all spend a lot of time with her, making a fuss of her, taking her out to eat etc, and it makes her happy.

none since finishing college.

Nothing. Other way around

Another who had no financial assistance. Never even considered it because my mum was never in a position to provide it. Single mum to three. She did her best but couldn't afford to give us money. My dad died when I was very young so had to just get on with it. Got a job at 16 and worked my way up.

However DH and I will provide financial assistance to our DD. We are in a position to help her and that's exactly what we intend to do. If we can make things easier for her then we will.

My parents paid fora deposit on my first flat - back in the nineties. Paid for my wedding. Babysit from time to time and did some childcare when they were little. Do favour like helped us to move house, painted s room etc

We don't rely on them or MIL for money or anything at all though. Last time i borrowed money was when I just left uni and was struggling with uni debts

I was going to say none, but there have been a few occasions where my parents have wanted to pay for things. They paid for about a third of our (very cheap) wedding, our pram and two UK holidays so that they could go away with the grandchildren.

We don't have a lot of money but I think I'd feel uncomfortable about receiving regular money from anyone, unless they were incredibly wealthy.

Nothing. I've never expected or asked my parents to pay for anything since I moved out to go to uni. They bought my wedding dress, which was so generous of them. We live too far away to ask them for childcare help.

When I lived in the U.K. my DP couldn't work anymore due to a mental health problem. His parents (who live in South Africa) used to send us money every month to help cover the bills as we were living on my salary which was ok just very tight.

Now we moved back to SA a year ago and we live with them, they had a bungalow and built a second floor apartment for us to live since it's in Camps Bay, Cape Town, the properties here cost millions so we couldn't afford to get one ourselves in this area.

I've got an excellent job here and my DP set up a small business and we've managed to save a considerable amount of money so will be purchasing property outside Cape Town CBD for investment purposes and another in Gordon's Bay for us to move into in a years time. But we love living in this area so maybe will stay for longer in the upstairs apartment.

When I first moved to the U.K. my dad paid accommodation for us for six months as in the beginning we struggled to get a job in London then we sorted ourselves out and lived completely independently for years until I had a breakdown and lost everything and got with my now DP who couldn't work so it's just been recent help in the last four years.

We are grateful to them as we have an amazingly good quality of life and we love it here.