Embarrassing to ask.... Not very British.... But how much REGULAR financial help do you get from your parents/your partner's parents?

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

There are lots of posts on here about people talking about not being able to deal with how controlling their parents/DP's parents are, and so going it alone.

How hard to people who have made that choice find that?

I'm talking about (for example) child care, so help-in-kind (if it's regular).

But also actual money as well

The reason I'm asking is that my (widowed) mother is making choices which I can't get behind.

I've had a lot of help all my adult life. I've had help with all sorts of things.... school uniform, dentist (for me), spends for holidays. Really big proper help.

I'm thinking that because I can't support mum's choices, it would be wrong to take her money. But that's SO easy to write on the internet, and so hard when you've got a job you love which doesn't pay very well.

I suspect I'll get a lot of posters telling me how they've always done it one their own (and, big respect for that). I don't have a lot of earning power. It's not that I could just go and get another job which would earn me more.

anyway, I'm not asking this to talk about myself, but I'm interested in how many people actually have help which is part of their day-to-day lives, or things like help for DCs b.days or Christmas. And if you DON'T have that, and can survive but not thrive, what do you do for high-days-and-holidays?

I apologise if this is extremely naive!

Never had money-saving in-kind support, regular or significant cash support.

Never expected it, really.

Not remotely a high earner but we are thrifty and do not have expensive tastes. Careful budgeting, being realistic,

And scruffy

Would worry more about my parents life (the bad choices you talk of) than money.

Mum and dad paid for a chunk of my wedding each, mum will be giving me a bit towards a house deposit when I want to buy. Beyond that, and birthday/Christmas stuff, nothing, since I was 16.

My mum does childcare a few days a week, but it's not really financial - we had planned and can afford nursery but my dad died a few years ago and she asked if she could as she wants to spend time with DS and be closer to family.

Inheritance from my dad dying paid for house but I suppose that's a bit different too.

DH & I have been lucky enough so far not to need financial help, but if we did need it I'm sure my DM would help us.

My parents very kindly paid my University tuition fees (back in the days when it was about a grand a year).

None since shortly after graduating. I have helped them considerably though including lending thousands of £££s, which I may never get back.

Nothing. No money, and both sets of parents 100s of miles away, so no practical help.

Nothing. No money, and both sets of parents 100s of miles away, so no practical help.

Nothing here, although my husband's parents bought him a studio flat thirty years ago (now sold) which obviously was a big help and still is today.

Nothing regular since university. They gave us money towards our wedding though.

Nothing. I left home at 18 to go to university and supported myself completely. Never had so much as a food parcel.

Never babysat for me. Certainly wouldn't have ever paid for things like school uniform for my children or given me spending money to take on holiday!

My mother saw me homeless and living in a hostel with a baby rather than allow me to stay in one of her empty bedrooms temporarily when my relationship broke down.

Mum paid my rent in final year of uni (loan was only about £500 more than rent for the year), she gave me £10k house deposit. ILs gave us £3k for second house (DH's first house, my second iyswim), they randomly gave us £1k towards a new boiler which my DM matched. Got £3k from DM, my DF (divorced) & £3k from ILs for our wedding.
MIL used to give me odd £20 for nappies when DD was baby but nothing now she's older.
DD stays at ILs or my DM's odd weekends & both do a few days in one stretch in summer hols.
That actually sounds loads! We are very lucky

I moved out at 19. Paid rent from being 18. I also got 1k when my grandad passed away a few years ago. They occasionally take my kids away for the weekend. Thats at their request.

Thats it.

I think my parents would help more. They have helped my brother. But it massivly damaged their relationship. He is 40, married and has 2 kids.

Mum and das are fed up of giving regular help, because dbro and his wife have money they just dont budget. Dbro and sil seem to be really resentful that they dont earn enough for the lifestyle they want and started resenting my parents.

My relationship with them is a lot better and we genuinely get on.

Not a penny since I was 18.

No babysitting either.

I've had no help. Not even at uni when they were meant to contribute.

None since I left u I (and then only a bit of money here and there). Think grandparents on both sides have looked after DS about 3 times. Both sets are ill so can't help practically v much DH df took out a loan for DH when he had poor credit rating (DH paid this off) tbh I'm
Always surprised when I read on here adult children. Are so supported by parents, im not talking about when people lose jobs or become ill. People can't seem to live within their means

None since I left home at 16 (many years ago!). No babysitting either.

I worked through A levels and uni.

I've had an inheritance recently, though.

Op if you don't agree with your mums bad choices then the right thing to do is stop accepting the money, or put up with her choices and keep quiet if the money is more important to you.

Nothing on a day to day level.

My parents supported me through Uni and for a few years afterwards when I was struggling to find a job. Since then they've not really helped financially but I've not needed it. They gave us a bit of money when both dc were in nursery as we were struggling with fees but that's it. Now we live 250 miles away so we get very little day to day practical support (though they'd be very willing)

PIL are distant (emotionally, not literally) and just not that arsed about our dc so nothing from them either.

Nothing.

Parents spend £15 per child/adult at xmas/birthdays.

They gave us 100 pounds when we got married.

They might do one afternoon of childcare per year.

At Easter they give a £1 egg.

We live hand to mouth. Grow our own veg and buy second hand. No holidays but enjoy cheap day trips instead. Our mortgage is cheaper then renting thankfully.

My mum has always been generous despite a fairly low wage. She doesn't have the money to throw about, but was always able to help in a money crisis.

PILs are very generous, and although they don't necessarily dish out cash, they do save us a lot of money. For example, they dog sit for us for free, they pay for us to go on holiday with them, if there's a family event like a wedding which requires travel, they pay for all of us to go. We also save money in that FIL lets us put a lot of things on the farm account, for example, when we hired floor sanders, when we buy paint etc.

ILs had a similar set up with FIL's dad, I think, so it's just been carried on.

IL's also very similar. They are more monied but there's no expectation from us

None at all from either side. We don't need it now but there have been times when it would have been very welcome.

Nothing financially, gifts are for birthday and Christmas. My parents pick my children up from school two afternoons a week so maximum 4 hours a week childcare. They used to do two full days pre school. They don't babysit so I can social, nor do other grandparents

Zero.

No support of any kind from either set of parents.