Embarrassing to ask.... Not very British.... But how much REGULAR financial help do you get from your parents/your partner's parents?

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

There are lots of posts on here about people talking about not being able to deal with how controlling their parents/DP's parents are, and so going it alone.

How hard to people who have made that choice find that?

I'm talking about (for example) child care, so help-in-kind (if it's regular).

But also actual money as well

The reason I'm asking is that my (widowed) mother is making choices which I can't get behind.

I've had a lot of help all my adult life. I've had help with all sorts of things.... school uniform, dentist (for me), spends for holidays. Really big proper help.

I'm thinking that because I can't support mum's choices, it would be wrong to take her money. But that's SO easy to write on the internet, and so hard when you've got a job you love which doesn't pay very well.

I suspect I'll get a lot of posters telling me how they've always done it one their own (and, big respect for that). I don't have a lot of earning power. It's not that I could just go and get another job which would earn me more.

anyway, I'm not asking this to talk about myself, but I'm interested in how many people actually have help which is part of their day-to-day lives, or things like help for DCs b.days or Christmas. And if you DON'T have that, and can survive but not thrive, what do you do for high-days-and-holidays?

I apologise if this is extremely naive!

None since I left home at 18

None ever, if fact the other way round. By the age of 20 was regularly (I mean pretty much every month) expected to bail out stbxh's mother (she was paid more than either of us but was a spendthrift who blew all her wages in the first week - 10 days of each month) also had to bail out my DM & DF once or twice but at least they repaid us.

I don't have any financial help from my parents at all. They have DS 2 nights a week when I'm at work but they pretty much just have to put him to bed and I'm back to pick him up at 7.30 in the morning.

I don't have any in laws.

Honestly, my parents paid my way through uni completely, and then gave me and my brother half a million pounds each to buy a house and cars. They also probably give us gifts and help with 'big ticket items' like baby stuff to the approximate value of about £5k a year. We never ask for these things, they are offered freely, no strings attached. Quite frankly my parents have more money than they can spend.

It is likely we will both inherit at least as much again later in our lives. I can't speak for my brother but myself and DH feel fortunate and extremely lucky to be in a position where we can plan to pass most if not all of any inheritance straight down to our children to help them when they enter adulthood.

FWIW apart from having a nicer house and car than our incomes would allow, myself and DH are very financially responsible and both work full time, and work hard.

Not sure this post is indicative of the population as those who do get a lot of help will be reluctant to admit it.

I've had no help from DM (who I grew up with), not a penny since leaving home but experienced MASSIVE generosity from my father. After I split up with ex, he bought me a house which was about 400k, pays school fees for my DDs, takes us on holiday once/year and usually gifts me circa 10k pa. He's super kind and happy to help and I know I'm really lucky. But I'm single, work full time and don't squander it and he'd feel differently if I took advantage. He wasn't around when I was younger and isn't hands on at all (barely sees his grandchildren) so this is his way of helping.

None from my parents.
Odd bit here and that from OHs parents. Not much help babysitting from either side etc (proud to say we've done it ourselves though and rely on no-one)

None at all, and not for a long time - but I've been on a higher salary than either set of parents for at least half a decade.

My sister, OTOH, is 34 and still receiving regular somethings here and there from mum. She works for a charity overseas and doesn't get paid much.

jocarter I can imagine how hard that is for you. Fwiw I think you are doing the right thing by buying GC's things on line directly.

My DP's have always had the attitude 'give the same to one as you do the other' and they are lucky enough to be able to do so. I am insanely grateful for the support they have given me, they give my DB the same yet he has never said thankyou and has an 'entitled' attitude towards them. Recently, due to this, they stopped doing so and he kicked off (he earns a 6 figure salary). Bloody rude! the not saying thankyou , not the salary

I cannot currently provide my family (outside of dc's) with financial support, however, can provide emotional and physical support. Whatever I give or receive, a thankyou should be the least to be extended! Manners cost nothing

My parents haven't given me a penny since I got my first job at 15, they even charged me rent and food, I actually ended up being £20 a week better off when I moved out at 16! I'm a little bit bitter as I saved up and self funded my way through my degree yet none of my siblings have had to, although on the upside I graduated a year ago and am totally debt free.

MIL has no money to offer and lives too far to help often, however she is having DD for a week in the summer which is a massive help as it's the only week we would have needed childcare for.
FIL loves to take us out for day trips in the summer and is often around to help get DD to parties etc, he also buys useful gifts for birthdays/Christmas, like a washing machine one year.

My parents live 100 miles away. Have my 4 about 4 times a year for 1 or 2 nights over a weekend so I get a break. First one since New Year was the beginning of this month
I have been financially independent for years, had a mortgage and stuff and am now renting and off to uni in September. Getting no help from them with any of that so fully expecting to have mounds of student debt when I qualify (but can only work part time because of the children).

My parents lent me about £10,000 to pay for barristers and courts during my very acrimonious divorce in 2004 and subsequent custody battles until 2008, but this was paid back asap from the house settlement.
I'm sure they would help if I asked but it's such a big unknown when or whether I could repay it now, that it's easier not to ask in the first place.

Both sets of parents dead and no inheritance from DH's side as they were quite poor and lived in rented accommodation all their lives. My dad died when I was a teenager and my mum a few years later. I inherited just under 10k when she died which I used to pay for essential repairs to my house. I'd just split up with ex partner and I was struggling.
I've always been financially independent from 16yrs, so I don't care about not receiving financial or practical support but I feel desperately sad that my parents never met my DH or our son.
I funded myself as a mature student to get my degrees and worked full-time whilst studying part-time (evenings). If you've not got the extra financial support you just have to figure out how to make it work in other ways without getting into serious debt.
I do worry about how we'll afford to cover Uni costs if my DS wants to go into HE but that's a way off for now.

£1200 a month plus cars

After University nothing/very little. MIL bought is a new oven last year and there is a big family holiday this year which will probably mean she will buy a couple of meals out for 10. We support my Mother

Last year my parents gave my brother and I £2k each, which we both spent on house projects (me boiler, him on general new house decorating).
We bought a new car earlier in the year and my parents have loaned us the money for it on the basis we will pay back what we can afford each month. They have done similar for my brother in the past to save us the interest payments.
They are comfortably off and can afford the dip in savings to help us out.
Dhs (recently widowed) dm, doesn't help us out very much at all, despite giving her other child a lot of financial support and then bleating on about how she treats hem all the same. (I am fine that we don't get anything but it grates that she goes on about her dc being treated the same, when they clearly aren't).
If parents can afford to financially (or otherwise) help their adult children I honestly can't see the problem with that. I can't imagine telling my dc I won't help them out just because they have grown up (in the same way that I would help a close friend out if they needed it and I could afford it).

My parents are Indian and I am an only child living with my British husband in uk

We are very comfortably offf with two full time careers

My parents send us money generously for birthdays and festivals which we sometimes use and largely put away

DH parents live in uk but 2 hours away so occasional once a year childcare if childminder is off and we are both at work

Forgot to say, we have never been abroad on holiday, usually only a week to a caravan place in Devon or Dorset, this year we're not going anywhere because I just don't have the money.
My parents are busy spending their money on holidays together, bless them.

I'm 61, and I am yet to receive significant money from family gifts or inheritance, but expecting nothing. My parents divorced 45 years ago and DF remarried and has second family and wife just 7 years older than me. She will inherit from him and leave his estate to his children by her. Not rocket science.

My DH's family have been on the short end of the stick every which way. My DMiL has chipped in when we have needed to pay for things like new roofs to help keep our house from leaking, but everything we have, we have earned. My own DM requires financial help herself. I do get fairly cross when I read millennials threads lamenting the easy ride we had. Believe me, dealing with two aged parents at opposite ends of the country is not a picnic.

My parents bought me my first and second car
Deposit for my house
Childcare / after school care for my son

In return ive tool them on holidays.
As they are a lot older now in ill health I do a lot of paper work for them , doctors visits
Visit every day do some shopping for them and always at the end of the phone for another thing they need

My son I bought him his first car and have paid for his car insurance every year ( 3 years so far )
Second car gave him £1000 towards it and he took out a £8000 loan
Take him on holiday at least once every year for 2 /3 weeks to the America , Caribbean pay for it all and any spending money , trips

He pays £100 a month rent which I save for him.

But when he wants to borrow money ( borrowed £1000 of of DH for his car repair I make sure he pays it back at £50 a week so that he isn't to stupid with money

Nothing.. My DF died when i was 13 and DM was a single parent after that.. We rented accommodation, so no assets, and i left home at 16.

No in-laws, as have been a lone parent for 28 years.

Oh, and no child care help, as i lived 200 miles away from DM when the DC were small.

Jellycat, that puts things into perspective.

My DH and I both have pretty good career, so we don't really need financial help from my parents. But whenever I went and visited them, my mom would throw me two to five thousands US dollars to reimburse my tickets even though my ticket cost was only £500. I always refused (and I meant it everytime!), I did end up taking the money a couple of times as she said you'd be stupid not to. They are doing okay and I now understand it is her way to start giving us our inheritance. While it is embarassing to take it at the time, when they do need major cash for say health scare (they have no NHS there), I have told her she could dip into my savings there. She has my bank account cards so she can definitely do that whenever she needs the cash. So far she hasn't taken up on my offer. I think as long as when your parents are in need and you are willing to reciprocate then why is it embarassing to take their money? To me my parents are my world, and I'd do anything I can to help them as they have helped me.

I have had a lot of help from my parents and honestly we would be in a terrible position without it.

I've always worked so has DH and before kids we were financially independent.

When we had our eldest my parents had him 2 days a week when I went back to work. We prob could have afforded childcare but were great full that we didn't have to and meant we could still go on holidays.

We moved house and was struggling to sell ours so dad bought our house and I pay him my mortgage - once we sold ours I gave him what we made on it and he took it off the bill. I was going to get a proper mortgage at this point but dad felt investment was better if I just pay him equivalent of what I would pay a bank. I still pay my way, dad gets more interest than he would if the cash was sat in the bank.

Both husband and I got made redundant in quick succession.
I got a job quick, DH didn't. It hit us hard.

But actually it felt good knowing if it got so bad my house would not be taken away as dad wouldn't see his grand kids homeless.

Parents have always been generous and now I'm more inclined to take them up on their offers....kids school shoes, treats and meals out as otherwise we wouldn't be able to do holidays (even though they low cost UK based now).

I am sure we would have managed without my parents help but it would have been a lot harder. Their help has meant life has gone on much the same as before - for the kids anyway - and I will be forever greatful to them for this.

Leanin15yearsmaybe Thank you and you are very right, a thank you goes a very long way. If my DS even made an effort to find work then it would be a different matter, hubby said that we are not really helping him. He's 29 and needs to stand on his own two feet and try and find work

We never get anything, not even for birthdays or Christmas. We give to her though. Just because she is like that doesn't mean we have to become like her.