Embarrassing to ask.... Not very British.... But how much REGULAR financial help do you get from your parents/your partner's parents?

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

There are lots of posts on here about people talking about not being able to deal with how controlling their parents/DP's parents are, and so going it alone.

How hard to people who have made that choice find that?

I'm talking about (for example) child care, so help-in-kind (if it's regular).

But also actual money as well

The reason I'm asking is that my (widowed) mother is making choices which I can't get behind.

I've had a lot of help all my adult life. I've had help with all sorts of things.... school uniform, dentist (for me), spends for holidays. Really big proper help.

I'm thinking that because I can't support mum's choices, it would be wrong to take her money. But that's SO easy to write on the internet, and so hard when you've got a job you love which doesn't pay very well.

I suspect I'll get a lot of posters telling me how they've always done it one their own (and, big respect for that). I don't have a lot of earning power. It's not that I could just go and get another job which would earn me more.

anyway, I'm not asking this to talk about myself, but I'm interested in how many people actually have help which is part of their day-to-day lives, or things like help for DCs b.days or Christmas. And if you DON'T have that, and can survive but not thrive, what do you do for high-days-and-holidays?

I apologise if this is extremely naive!

Loads, Childcare regularly, food shopping trips, school uniform and lunches, they help towards holidays.

My parents were supported heavily by their own parents when they had tough times (which were many) and they say they enjoy helping us all out. it makes them happy,.
They don't have massive outgoings of their own and it really has made a massive difference to us.

In return I clean their house and help out when needed with odd jobs, I would honestly do anything for them.

I hope that I will be able to do the same for my children, should they need it.

I think you need to separate the money from the unwanted advice. If you say to her I don't want your advice and I wont take your money then you will cause double hurt. they are two separate issues unless you think she is paying you to do the job of being her daughter in law.

I think you should be grateul and respectful to her for being caring enough to give you money to help with the children and yourself. That is kind. Most people don't have that kind of help as you will have realised looking down the feed. Particularly not regular financial help.

I think you need to be grown up about unwanted advice. My sister said something fantastic when my kids were born which really helped me, she said Mum will offer you lots of advice, listen to her, go away, think about it and then follow the advice you think is good, the rest ignore.

She is the children's Grandmother, that is a separate relationship to the one she has with you. It sounds like you are under pressure with money worries and small children, and also maybe a bit used to having things your own way, having as you say not ever been quite independent.

Take time, don't assume all her choices are bad, discuss with your partner, and then you decide. But please don't fall out and please don't bring the money into it.

Both parents gave us money towards the deposit on our house, my mom more than PIL but that technically was inheritance from my dad (he never left a will do it all went to my mom, rightly so, and she put it in bonds and decided it was time we had a share to get us on the ladder).
They both occasionally give us chunks of money, for example £1000 towards our wedding, £500 for baby things etc. We don't have help on aday to day basis though, we very much live by and "if you can't afford it you can't have it" mantra and we save for things or go without.
(Rant...unfortunately DSD's mum doesn't live by that same mantra so is always asking for money to pay for things she refuses to say no to DSD for! Don't get yourself in that predicament, kids need to be told no sometimes and if you can't afford it you shouldn't say yes then expect someone else to pay for it!)

Other than free part time childcare two days a week for five years no financial assistance since leaving home at 22.

Saying that, I would only need to ask and it would be there. I just wasn't so in need that I needed to ask.

Not given anything since leaving school - funded myself through Uni by working part time and I even paid them rent back at home during the holidays.
It wouldn't even have occurred to me that they would give me any money after I turned 18 and before then I received £5 per week and the rest I earned (had a job since 13).
They are financially well off and we are now because we have had to work/ invest in old property and build on equity etc.
I don't have any childcare help at all - not one single school run or anything in 7 years. The children have never stayed over with them and my parents have never taken them on a single day trip let alone fund ours.
The funny thing is that this sounds like I'm hard done by but I have grown up like this and it has made us independent. This btw isn't meant as a brag or anything but I think because of this way of life we now live in a nigh on million pound house on a £380 per month mortgage and I only need to work a few hours per week. This is all through lifestyle choice and realising the importance of making decisions in those early years of fleeing the nest x

None. We had some financial help when my partners sick pay ended when he was diagnosed with cancer and they ( his parents ) helped to
Pay the rent the month we were waiting on benifits being sorted out. We will
Always be internally grateful for that even tho our landlord was amazing with us during that period of time. Apart from that tho, no none were adults and we look
After our own finances. We don't expect help and would never take it unless we were desperate.

A TV when we bought our first home from one set and a vacuum cleaner from the other. We've been together 13 years. Our parents aren't well off in the slightest, we help them out if we can. I have felt jealous of people with a lot of help from parents but I'd do the same for my children and I'm sure our parents would help us out if they could. We've been is some pretty shitty financial situations over the years.

I left home at 18 and have never had any financial support since from my parents. I'm now in a position where I can support them.

My parents put me through Uni. They gave me my deposit for first home. They paid 2/3rds of my wedding.

Mum contributes to my children's activites (£100/month), she also likes to buy clothes for them. Dad often does bits that need doing on my car for free inc. parts (he's a mechanic), he wouldn't take money if I tried to give it to him.

I do often feel like a bit of a failure when I compare myself/my situation to theirs at my age.

Single parent here and my parents live abroad. DC's other grandparents also live abroad so never had any childcare help.
However my lovely parents pay for me and D.C to go over for a holiday everg year which is fab.

My folks are extremely generous when it comes to finances.
I won't go into details as I'll probably be picked on by the keyboard warriors but I'm helped every week with child care that they do and monthly with nursery fees for when they can't have my child.
Over the years since they helped buy my house they have spent money on it which I would never have been able to afford!
But they say it's their money and they are spending my inheritance on me and my son so what difference does it make if they spend it now or if I spend it when they're gone?

But they say it's their money and they are spending my inheritance on me and my son so what difference does it make if they spend it now or if I spend it when they're gone?

Great- but it's not always to do with generosity or giving away inheritances early.

Some parents just don't have the cash.

I'm very fortunate.

I am a single parent who earns just enough. My mum is very comfortable. She has my two DDs after school twice a week. She pays for their piano lessons, and picks me up bits and pieces of shopping if I'm working. I also do this for her if she is busy.
My Dad lent me money to replace my bathroom and flooring in my house and paid for my legal bills when i got divorced. I pay him back slowly, but he doesn't expect me to.

Non, not a penny and no childcare.
My mum struggled as a single parent, I saw the struggle and it spurred me on to ensure I was financially stable as soon as possible (on my own). Now I have a DH and a family and a career I see it as my job to support her financially wherever possible. She is living off state pension so it would be ridiculous for me to expect anything from her.

my parents helped out when I was at university and med school, they paid for our wedding, gave significant amounts of money for savings for each DC and when they died my sister and I inherited. We support our DCs in similar ways and have given them all money towards property, paid for DDs wedding and honeymoon and made significant contributions to DS1s wedding and paid for their honeymoon.

Any adult who has been educated, fed and generally brought into fruition as a person, who expects who accepts financial help from parents is selfish.

?

My DCs are in no way selfish and I'm very happy to be able to help them

None.

We don't have any financial help from parents or anyone else. My dh and I both work full time. We pay for our own childcare, living costs, holidays, Xmas & birthdays etc. It's really not difficult and I would have thought it's more unusual to find a person in their 30s for example who does receive regular financial support from a parent.

my mum didn't support me much financially when I was younger, it was only when i got past 25 and she could still see I was struggling and stepped in I guess. My lifestyle is very frugal anyway, I'd never ask for help with holidays and stuff, but when I've been in a pickle with bills, car repairs and so on, she's helped me out either as a gift or a loan - not huge amounts by some standards. I'd find it very difficult to manage without her, even though I'm tight as a duck's arse good with money.

They bung the DCs £20 for ice cream when we go on holiday and PIL do babysit here and there. PIL offered to help when the recession nearly wiped us out but we didn't take them up on it.

I haven't had any financial help since having my 1st DC at 18, I sometimes borrow £10 here and there and always pay it back asap.
Child care wise we share the school run as my little sister is at the same school as my children, and she has them overnight now and again but we live on the same street so see each other most days.

Nothing at all. My dad I rarely see as my stepmother hates myself and my sister and it's got so uncomfortable we no longer go round. So apart from a voucher at birthdays and christmas that's it. MY DS last saw him over a year ago. My DH doesn't see his mum and stepdad anymore after issues on that side meant it was best to go NC and anyway they are abroad. DH dad lends us a place to stay on holiday and a bit of money at Christmas but he is making up for a 28 year abscence.

We've never had help financially or childcare etc, we manage, just about. When DH colleagues say about having help with money and childcare etc it just seems like a fairytale to us.

On the other hand we can make our own decisions and are not beholden to anyone.

None... but torn... if I was well off. I would assist my child more. Anything myself & hubby have, we've worked for. We have a25 yr old son lives with us rent free,(saving a deposit) & I contribute to a share scheme via work for him. For future savings. So I'm a bit split done it on our own , but helping son.... no right... no wrong...