to think colleague was being U?

[yaela123]

I wouldn't be surprised if someone else has already posted about this :)

A colleague who is on maternity leave (let's call her Ann) brought in her (gorgeous) 4 week old daughter today, as is fairly normal for our workplace (I took in my DD at 2.5 weeks, and my twins at 5 weeks).

Obviously there was lots of cooing, passing her around, cake and tea etc and it was very nice, except for one colleague (let's call her Beth) who made a point of being in a huff the entire time.

Beth is having fertility issues and is soon to have a second round of IVF. She has also had 2 miscarriages. Some of us - including me and Ann - know this but not everyone. I really feel for her and understand it's really tough, especially after having a miscarriage myself.

So after about half an hour another colleague (Shall we say Carol?) asked her why she was in such a bad mood and Beth started on a massive rant about how cruel and unfair it was of Ann to bring her DD in and show her off when she knew about the fertility problems, etc etc. She was shouting right in Ann's face and everything! Ann was in tears and we were almost too stunned to talk.

Eventually Cath took Beth outside and calmed her down, whilst we comforted Ann, who left after half an hour.

Whilst I understand that Beth must be having a really stressful time atm, I think her outburst was VU. Ann has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and this may have a bad effect on her, especially as it's her first.

So who do you think is BU? And how should I approach Beth tomorrow?

I don't think I'd say anything to Beth about it at all. She may have the insight to know she was being unreasonable.

You and Ann are bu. You don't have to bring your new babies into work. While I understand it's nice, could you not be a bit more sensitive?

I think the length of the vIsit was the problem, and possibly the location. B couldn't, it seems, get away and A (who you say knew the issues) was oblivious to her rising discomfort. And then stayed a full half hour even after it all blew up.

she probably knows but the pain of infertility can be really extreme, I had a bit of a cry (in the toilets) once when my boss was asking my colleague about her sisters baby like it was hers (none of us know the sister) he never asks anyone else anything about themselves but for some reason was really interested in this-it irrationally upset me.

She was wrong but I guess it must have been really hard for her (I had three miscarriages so I get her sadness but I'd never have made a fuss like that I'd have politely excused myself).

I think Beth overreacted however I don't see the need to bring babies into work - surely anyone who is interested in seeing them can arrange to do so outside of the workplace. I don't have fertility problems but I hate having to pretend to coo over other people's babies - maybe I'm just a misery guts though

I think Beth was in the wrong. If she couldn't cope with the situation,,she should have left the room. It was unfair of her to spoil Ann's moment. Ann didn't do anything wrong.

I don't think,you should say anything to Beth, as Carol,as already comforted her. However, it may be worth contacting Ann to see how she is. She must have been very upset by Beth's reaction.

Neither but Ann could have called ahead so that Beth could have removed herself should she wished.

Oh, poor woman.

Obviously she shouldn't have flown off the handle, but I do think a long show-and-tell session with a baby isn't appropriate. If you have that sort of friendly relationship with work colleagues, you should meet up with them outside work. Otherwise, anything longer than a very quick hello is OTT.

Beth was being a self centered prima donna.

I worked in a group where every single person bar one had fertility problems. One had several failed rounds of IVF. When a colleague came in post pg with baby and talked about how hard she was finding it being at home with baby, she got nothing but sympathy and understanding.

That's because the people with fertility problems were grown up enough to understand that their own experiences had absolutely no bearing on the new mum's situation.

There are about 30 people working in the office and lots of people were coming in and out so Beth could have easily slipped out without it seeming odd.

2 other ladies have had & brought in babies in the last 6 months, with no problems, so I don't think it occurred to Ann, especially with so many people there

I'm sure I've read this already but from Beth's prospective?

It's a tricky situation. If she's struggling with fertility, she will be sensitive however it's not like you took the baby in to gloat. Maybe next time call ahead so she can prepare.

As for Beth, I'd go in tomorrow, make her a cuppa and ask her how she is. She might need a shoulder to cry on and someone to vent to.

I'm not the one who had the baby

Beth was being a self centered prima donna.
This is a bit OTT. It's not like she chose to have fertility problems or get upset

I hate that bringing baby into work thing if it goes on too long. It just gets bloody akward.

At my work once I was one of only 3 people in when somebody brought their baby in. The two others were quite rude (twats) so I had to make a big show of being enchanted by the baby who was at least at an interesting age. Mum actually disappeared off to the office around the corner for half an hour so I ended up sat with him chomping on my name badge while I typed up a report. I was furious for 5 minutes but mum seemed a bit low in mood so I bit my tongue. He was such a pleasant little chap I actually found it quite nice once I got over the outrage of her scarpering.

I maybe should have mentioned this before (I know how annoying drip feeds are!) but I work in a special needs secondary school. Ann (like most new mums do) came in at home time to see some of the students before spending more time in the staff room.

I think Ann stayed for quite a while as lots of teachers were coming in and out of the room, stopping for maybe 10 mins at a time.

Baffled by people thinking bringing babies to work is insensitive. Annoying, yes. Insensitive? Get a fucking grip.

Beth behaved very badly.

Where I work, bringing in the new baby is absolutely standard. Over the years my colleague has had similar difficulties to Beth but has always been happy for the new parent.

Yes Beth was being unreasonable/inappropriate with her attitude it would have been far better if she had the foresight to slope of somewhere and have a wail how she was feeling. However, she is human and all that grief had built up and it exploded.

It's really horribly sad all around isn't it

If Ann was in the staff room, then it would have been easy for Beth to avoid her. She could have stuck to her own classroom. Initially I'd imagined a big open plan office or something like that. Yes Beth WBU. She's probably regretting it now.

Having been through infertility and ivf myself, i think Beth was unreasonable.. if I couldnt cope with babies at work/baby showers I would just sneak out pleading marking, I would never have a go at someone

Beth is the unreasonable one.

Doesn't mean that it wasn't completely shit for her.

Is there more to this, though? You say she hasn't minded others bringing babies in, and she could easily have slipped out of the staff room. Instead she chose to explode, in Anne's face...

So what actually kicked this off wasn't the baby but someone effectively saying to Beth "whats your fucking problem?" (paraphrasing or just making shit up for emphasis)

Its not surprising that it tipped Beth over the edge.

I think Carol should have read between the lines and wound her neck in and kept her gob shut. Both Carol and Beth need to apologise to Ann.