to think colleague was being U?

[yaela123]

I wouldn't be surprised if someone else has already posted about this :)

A colleague who is on maternity leave (let's call her Ann) brought in her (gorgeous) 4 week old daughter today, as is fairly normal for our workplace (I took in my DD at 2.5 weeks, and my twins at 5 weeks).

Obviously there was lots of cooing, passing her around, cake and tea etc and it was very nice, except for one colleague (let's call her Beth) who made a point of being in a huff the entire time.

Beth is having fertility issues and is soon to have a second round of IVF. She has also had 2 miscarriages. Some of us - including me and Ann - know this but not everyone. I really feel for her and understand it's really tough, especially after having a miscarriage myself.

So after about half an hour another colleague (Shall we say Carol?) asked her why she was in such a bad mood and Beth started on a massive rant about how cruel and unfair it was of Ann to bring her DD in and show her off when she knew about the fertility problems, etc etc. She was shouting right in Ann's face and everything! Ann was in tears and we were almost too stunned to talk.

Eventually Cath took Beth outside and calmed her down, whilst we comforted Ann, who left after half an hour.

Whilst I understand that Beth must be having a really stressful time atm, I think her outburst was VU. Ann has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and this may have a bad effect on her, especially as it's her first.

So who do you think is BU? And how should I approach Beth tomorrow?

Babies are a part of life though? So why should everyone stop celebrating them.... they shouldn't!

Actually Carol started it by being unreasonable for having a go at Beth.

Beth was very unreasonable for having a got at Ann.

Ann was slightly unreasonable for not thinking of Ann and trying to find a way of coming in that might have been a little more sensitive.

Beth was completely out of line.

I have had fertility issues too, as lots of people do. So what? Yes it sucks , but that shouldn't stop you from being happy for others. She should realise not everything is about her.

Mumis husbands are part of life but if Beth's husband was dying I would hope that Ann wouldn't parade her husband in front of Beth boasting about how great it was that her husband was around all the time and how she was looking forward to years of fun and laughs together while expecting Beth to join in. Generally if you know someone is dealing with the imminent or recent death of a loved one you tread sensitively around them. Beth is probably experiencing grief at the moment and her colleagues should be sensitive towards her too.

Belle you can't tell other people how to feel! Just because you weren't that bothered about not being able to have children it doesn't mean that everybody else can shrug it off as easily.

She should realise not everything is about her you're right, Beth should just suck up her grief and distress so that she doesn't spoil the afternoon being all about Ann.

If Ann had gone in to work to show off her baby and her colleagues' reaction had been "Oh you've had a baby, that's nice.", before carrying on with work and leaving Ann standing there that would have been okay too because not everything is about her.

Beth should just suck up her grief and distress so that she doesn't spoil the afternoon being all about Ann.

Yep. She should. It's an afternoon.

Mumis husbands are part of life but if Beth's husband was dying I would hope that Ann wouldn't parade her husband in front of Beth boasting about how great it was that her husband was around all the time and how she was looking forward to years of fun and laughs together while expecting Beth to join in.

Has anyone ever in the world ever done this at work? Don't be so fucking silly.

The bottom line is that life goes on - if I had infertility problems, I wouldn't expect the rest of the world to hide their babies to save my feelings.

It's sad, I wouldn't wish hurt on anyone, but the mother shouldn't be made to feel responsible for the infertile woman's feelings.

The best idea would be to ban people from bringing babies into the workplace.

The best idea would be to ban people from bringing babies into the workplace.

Agreed! It's a pointless exercise which I've never understood. Why do people want to bring their babies into offices? I can't imagine wanting Gary from accounts to hold my newborn and don't get me started on the guy who wipes big globs of snot on his chair all day.

I'd never considered the fact that it could also be hurtful to some people, regardless of how well they hide it / deal with it, till this thread though.

The best idea would be to ban people from bringing babies into the workplace

A simple pleasure curtailed because of the possible feelings of the possibly infertile.

Possibly we should ban the noticing of weddings so as not to get on the tis of the unhappily single/widowed.

Let's let deaths go by in case of reviving bereavement trauma for the recently bareaved Or those who don't like, do death.

FFS.

A simple pleasure curtailed because of the possible feelings of the possibly infertile.

Nah I just want rid of the practice because I find it fucking weird .

Possibly saving someone's feelings would just be an added bonus!

Nah I just want rid of the practice because I find it fucking weird

Obviously up to you, but in forty years of teaching an d innumerable babies brought into the staffroom at break and lunch, I've taken it as part of life.

How weird do you find celebrations of marriages/engagements, the noticing of deaths?

Beth should just suck up her grief and distress so that she doesn't spoil the afternoon being all about Ann.

Yep. She should. It's an afternoon. Beth was until Carole had a go at her for not being happy enough. 'We comforted Ann.', 'this may have a bad effect on her (Ann)', Ann should 'realise not everything is about her'.

Mumis husbands are part of life but if Beth's husband was dying I would hope that Ann wouldn't parade her husband in front of Beth boasting about how great it was that her husband was around all the time and how she was looking forward to years of fun and laughs together while expecting Beth to join in.

Has anyone ever in the world ever done this at work? Don't be so fucking silly. I was replying to this - 'Babies are a part of life though?'. Life not work. Don't be so fucking rude.

Belle you can't tell other people how to feel! Just because you weren't that bothered about not being able to have children it doesn't mean that everybody else can shrug it off as easily.

I was bothered actually. its horrible. But that never stopped me from being happy for others.

I also had a very nasty divorce, doesn't mean I cannot be happy for other who are getting married. People need to get a grip.

So you cant celebrate, new jobs -in case you offend the unemployed, Pregnancy because you offend the childless, marriage, relationships, birthdays, come on.

She should realise not everything is about her you're right, Beth should just suck up her grief and distress so that she doesn't spoil the afternoon being all about Ann.

Yes she should its a few hours and she didn't have to stay in the room.

Beth WBU, rude and unprofessional

Whilst I feel very sorry for Beth, I think she was very unreasonable to have a go at Ann and is probably mortified about it. Unless she feels that everything is about her of course.

How weird do you find celebrations of marriages/engagements, the noticing of deaths?

I love weddings, engagements and appreciate the noticing of deaths. I love babies and especially love meeting my friend's newborns.

I just find the whole ritual of parading a baby round the office (in my case) or staff room (in yours), very strange and unnecessary. It's all a bit awkward and I don't think everyone enjoys it. I don't enjoy it, unless I know the new parent well, in which case, I would rather meet up outside work when I can give them my full attention and have time for a cuddle. In my last office, there were mainly middle aged men who weren't that interested in babies and I was utterly run off my feet, so there was little time to stop and chat. When I was asked when I was bringing my dc in I politely declined (as I said up thread).

*friends' newborns

I feel for Beth because it must feel like everyone is having a baby apart from you. However I do feel it was unreasonable to fly off like that. I had a late miscarriage and had to work in a small office with 5 other pregnant women due the same time who talked and moaned about pregnancy ALL DAY LONG. Yes I was upset and felt angry sometimes because I was jealous but I took several little trips to the toilet and had a little cry by myself. She could have left discreetly and handled the situation better. But I could cut her some slack because the whole thing must be so stressful to her. I wouldn't mention it unless she does.

In the future arrange to meet on a lunch break and all those who wish to see new babies can come.

Thanks again everyone for replying even if I think some replies were uncalled for and rude

I ended up having a long chat with Beth in our lunch break, and she told me about how she felt really bad now for Ann and had just been holding her emotions in for so long it just kinda exploded. We had a hug and I (gently) suggested she should apologise to Ann. She agreed and is going to call her later. Her head of department also had a word with her about what happened. Carol/Cath () was off today (works part time)

Thanks again, and it's all sorted now (well as much as possible)

Glad you spoke to her and gave her a hug op I don't think anyone could make her feel any worse than she already does

echt you say it's a simple pleasure, but who for? In my experience it's a pleasure only for the baby's mother who gets to show the baby off and talk about herself/the baby to a captive audience. For most of colleagues it's boring and/or awkward and/or a distraction.