to think colleague was being U?

[yaela123]

I wouldn't be surprised if someone else has already posted about this :)

A colleague who is on maternity leave (let's call her Ann) brought in her (gorgeous) 4 week old daughter today, as is fairly normal for our workplace (I took in my DD at 2.5 weeks, and my twins at 5 weeks).

Obviously there was lots of cooing, passing her around, cake and tea etc and it was very nice, except for one colleague (let's call her Beth) who made a point of being in a huff the entire time.

Beth is having fertility issues and is soon to have a second round of IVF. She has also had 2 miscarriages. Some of us - including me and Ann - know this but not everyone. I really feel for her and understand it's really tough, especially after having a miscarriage myself.

So after about half an hour another colleague (Shall we say Carol?) asked her why she was in such a bad mood and Beth started on a massive rant about how cruel and unfair it was of Ann to bring her DD in and show her off when she knew about the fertility problems, etc etc. She was shouting right in Ann's face and everything! Ann was in tears and we were almost too stunned to talk.

Eventually Cath took Beth outside and calmed her down, whilst we comforted Ann, who left after half an hour.

Whilst I understand that Beth must be having a really stressful time atm, I think her outburst was VU. Ann has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and this may have a bad effect on her, especially as it's her first.

So who do you think is BU? And how should I approach Beth tomorrow?

No, not everyone wants to coo over a baby but it is ridiculous to suggest people on Mat leave shouldn't bring their babies in to for colleagues who wish to see the baby. If you don't want to coo over a baby don't, carry on with your work

No, it isn't as simple as "just carrying on with your work". You feel obliged to make a fuss, or at least a complimentary comment in passing. The whole office dynamic changes and it's harder to get things done because, ironically, people are doing what they can to meet the needs of the parent who has brought in the baby. All this tough talk about how Beth needs to stay professional and keep her emotions in check. Ime you do end up walking on eggshells, making sure you say the right thing, being sensitive to the needs of, (you know, all the things people are saying nobody should have to bother with around Beth), the new parent. I can't imagine being able to just sit back and continue with my work while ignoring a new parent and baby. It would be rude and insensitive. I have to work with these people. I'm not going to offend them. And it's ok, (not desirable though imho), as long as they stay a short time, but I've seen some new parents really dragging the whole thing out. It's all very strange and I have no idea what the appeal is; as I've already said, I love babies and it's a really special moment when I meet friends' newborns. I just wouldn't choose to do so at work. If they aren't a close enough friend for me to see them outside work then I don't really have to meet their baby. I don't see people bringing in their teenagers for me to meet .

Anyway, as boney has already said, "just getting on with her work" is what I suspect Beth was trying to do before Cath / Carol got involved. And it looked like huffing to the op. That's what people would probably assume if you "just got on with your work" imo.

But likewise, I find it "all very strange" that you (not you specifically, but you general, people who are in this position) can't just realise that someone else's baby has nothing to do with your infertility. I also find it all very strange that people without children can't control their emotions and I really don't like it being thrown around as an excuse for poor behaviour; honestly, some of them just need to grow up.

Like I said: I'm disabled. I can't imagine having a strop or crying in the office because someone else was able to do something physical that I can't. I find that utterly ridiculous.

No having infertility doesn't excuse bad behaviour but you have to sympathise still.

I have had infertility for years and over time my behavior has been horrendous at times..sometimes im fine when people bring in their babies other times ive ranted like a lunatic at announcements. It makes you crazy quite frankly.
Beth should have slipped quietly out of the room, in an ideal world yes, but sometimes it gets on top of you, you can't think rationally.
I do feel sorry for Ann however especially if she had no idea about her colleagues infertility. People should just organise a day for everyone to meet the baby IMO.
Once people have calmed down, they might kiss and make up

rachel

I have been lucky enough to have never suffered from fertility issues. Why did you assume I had? Just curious!

I should say "so far" I've never had any fertility issues. Who knows what the future could hold?

rachel

And re you're "people with no children" comment. If that's directed at me, have you read my posts? I already said several times I have already had one dc (I am now expecting my second). I didn't bring my first into work despite it being 'the norm'. I'm a SAHM now, but if I was working, I wouldn't bring the next one in either.

Beth's feelings are understandable, her actions are not. Any professional would have simply excused themselves from an upsetting situation in a workplace.

I don't see why the mother is at fault, especially as it's common practice in this office. I think it's a positive thing for her too, as temporarily pausing a career to have a baby can feel isolating.

I have had infertility for years and over time my behavior has been horrendous at times..sometimes im fine when people bring in their babies other times ive ranted like a lunatic at announcements. It makes you crazy quite frankly.

But why? And why is this seen as more acceptable than say, someone ranting because they can never afford a house of their own when all their social circle are settling down and buying houses?

It isn't. It's the making allowances for terrible behaviour that I have an issue with. Especially in the workplace. It's unacceptable.

Decaff, nothing was aimed at you at all, which is why I qualified the statement.

Ah I see rachel I thought you were qualifying the statement to say not me personally, but people who have fertility issues / don't have children in general . My mistake!

"...don't have children in general, like me" I should have said^^.