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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not a single reply to invites - should I cancel?

398 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:10

I moved house recently into a lovely little road of 24 houses. It's a very well established area, and I thought it might be a nice idea to get to meet all the neighbours by inviting them to drinks and tea in the garden on 25th June

Thing is, it's a fortnight now since I put the invitations through the doors and I've not had even one reply (I've not upset them, honest ... I haven't been here long enough, even if I'd wanted to )

I absolutely get that folk are busy and that not everyone RSVP's these days, but since I've not had even one reply I'm wondering if I should just forget the whole thing - I really don't want to decorate the garden, make tea for a crowd and then be sitting here alone

Please can anyone advise the best thing to do?

OP posts:

KERALA1 · 13/06/2017 18:43

Attending an informal neighbours drinks party is hardly signing yourself up for a lifetime of weekly neighbourly parties. What are people so frightened of? Is it an English thing?

I think its lovely for children to be in a proper neighbourhood where families support each other and sometimes socialise. I want my dds to see me being outgoing and sociable, not suspicious and net curtain twitchy. Where an invite is responded to with "how nice are we free" rather that "who does she think she is lady of the manor"

AngelaTwerkel · 13/06/2017 18:44

Are you Hyacinth Bucket?

Rude.

OP I wish you were my neighbour, I love a garden party and meeting new people. And I like to be organised - I would've RSVP'd before the requested date!

derxa · 13/06/2017 18:55

I hope I don't upset anyone but my mother in law died last week. She lived alone but she was a very good neighbour. She was a magnet for people who needed support and advice. She took a heart attack while a neighbour was visiting and the neighbour did CPR on her while waiting for the ambulance. She could have been lying there for days if she hadn't been a good neighbour. (That's not to say we haven't had some right ding dongs God rest her soul )

Bunnyfuller · 13/06/2017 18:57

I'm in Bedfordshire, I'll come :-)

I did a similar thing for all the kids in the road one Halloween and only 1 person rsvpd, then several arrived an hour after the invite time and because there were hardly any replies I hadn't put on everything I'd planned to so it was pretty lame.

Didn't bother again, rude fuckers!!

NickMyLipple · 13/06/2017 19:04

I did this when I moved in to my house in September but I just said it would be great to see you. I didn't ask people to RSVP. The entire close turned up...all 12 houses packed into my little house. Strangers were opening my door because I simply couldn't get there!

It was great fun and a great introduction excersise.

I hope they turn up, OP.

Original poster

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/06/2017 19:06

So very sorry to hear about your mother in law, Derxa

And given that she sounded like a lovely neighbour, how very appropriate that someone was there trying to help when she needed them ...

OP posts:

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 13/06/2017 19:09

To be fair,I'd bet that poster talking about "demands on their time" meant that they'd be afraid you were a Forever Living Bot and your "party" was an attempt at a hard sell. Or you're a member of a very enthusiastic evangelising church. Etc etc.

I'm not British but I've lived here years and everywhere I've lived has had either street parties or drinks nights. Someone always does it at Xmas and in the summer. I will say though that they are usually not RSVP - we get a note in the door and it's very casual.

Are you around much at "normal" times of day? People might want to respond in person to size you up and so they are waiting to catch you.

Also an RSVP date of two weeks before is a long time for (what I'd expect to be) a fairly casual event and so they may have noted the date of the event and just mentally assume the RSVP date was one week before, not too.

It's a busy time of year with exams, school events, holidays. People may not have paid close attention.

AngelicaSchuylerChurch · 13/06/2017 19:14

I wonder if you've stumbled into a whole suburban drama.

Carol from no 24 has been sleeping with Peter from no 3 for years and everybody knows except his poor wife Susan. Linda and Jim at no 12 were traumatised a few years ago when Eric and Margaret from no 17 propositioned them to a swingers' evening when they thought they had just been invited over for vol au vents and Blue Nun. Nigel at no 22 is running a highly profitable and highly illegal business from his spare room and paying generous hush money to the Carters next door, who are in a witness protection programme.

Everybody carefully avoids all contact beyond passing pleasantries but after a few glasses of Pimm's at a garden party it would all come spilling out and there would be no going back....

That sort of thing.

Okkitokkiunga · 13/06/2017 19:15

Puzzled I'm in Derbyshire - I'll come . Mind you when we moved here from abroad I virtually had to tackle neighbours to the floor before they'd speak to us.

Spadequeen · 13/06/2017 19:19

Well I think it's a lovely idea. Those that don't like it don't have to go but a polite 'not able to make it' wouldn't be too difficult.

I hope you have a lovely afternoon

caffeinequick · 13/06/2017 19:22

I'd invite a few friends too so that way it wont matter if the neighbour's don't show.

Original poster

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/06/2017 19:25

Love it, Angelica

Though I did notice when delivering the invites that a house up the road has pampas grass outside. The couple there look to be in their 70s at least, so no doubt it's just an innocent decoration ... or is it?!!

OP posts:

Daisymaybe60 · 13/06/2017 19:27

It's a lovely idea, OP and I think they'll come on the day (some of them might even get round to letting you know they're coming as well!). I know you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, but perhaps you've given a bit too much notice, making it too easy for some to park the invitation on the mantelpiece and forget about RSVPing (not that I would do that of course ). I think I'd stop at the nine friends who are coming though - the neighbours will be coming to meet you (and each other) and might feel a bit outnumbered if it's just a couple of them and a lot of people who already know each other.

Epipgab · 13/06/2017 19:49

I'd love it if a new neighbour did this.

BengalGal · 13/06/2017 19:51

In the States it would be normal for another person in the neighborhood to have a get together to introduce you to everyone. This was done for us in Seattle. In Switzerland it is absolutely the norm for you to host an appero (drinks and nibbles) to introduce yourself to the street or to the others in an apartment building. RSVP not always. It took me a year old get up the gumption to have the apero thing. People let me know if they couldn't make it.

thelikelylass · 13/06/2017 20:13

throw it and they will come.

Cleanermaidcook · 13/06/2017 20:17

Aw Id come (in lancashire so not that far ;) ) and bring a bottle of wine.

I love my neighbours, when someone new moves in the street usually quite a few take a gift round, we all speak, in fact my kids are regularly at next doors chilling in the garden or helping the old guy in his garage, they love them. Both sides buy for the kids at birthdays, xmas + easter and we all watch out for each other, it's a shame a lot of communities aren't like this any more.

Hope you get a decent turn out op and if not move near me :D

strawberrisc · 13/06/2017 20:23

While they're rude not to reply an invitation to meet a neighbour I've never met would personally fill me with dread.

PuppyMonkey · 13/06/2017 20:27

I also live in Derbyshire and I'm free - I'll bring booze.

You do know they're all going to turn up don't you?

roselover · 13/06/2017 20:54

OMG where on earth have you moved ...I lived in my little central London street for 17 years ...but only know a handful of people here ...its the way of the world - dont disinvite them - thats weird ...but invite you true friends and if anyone else comes hurrah!

squoosh · 13/06/2017 21:01

Maybe they're busy practising a choral piece or a flash mob dance to welcome you to the street.

mum383 · 13/06/2017 21:07

Hi (I'm Scottish) maybe it's a bit different down south but you have made it a bit intense/formal with invitations and reply cards. Maybe they are a bit intimidated or maybe they don't all socialise with each other. It's probably got nothing to do with you specifically.
It does bug me that people don't RSVP but it seems to be the way of it these days. It's all in the upbringing lol x

Dianag111 · 13/06/2017 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stripyhoglets · 13/06/2017 21:31

I'd just pop a note round saying really sorry but you've had to cancel as a surprise family event has been sprung on you - so.you hope it's not caused any inconvenience but you'll have to cancel, etc. No one need know you had no replies and it absolves everyone of responsibility.

Stripyhoglets · 13/06/2017 21:32

You'll have to go out on that day though!

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