Not a single reply to invites - should I cancel?

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

I moved house recently into a lovely little road of 24 houses. It's a very well established area, and I thought it might be a nice idea to get to meet all the neighbours by inviting them to drinks and tea in the garden on 25th June

Thing is, it's a fortnight now since I put the invitations through the doors and I've not had even one reply (I've not upset them, honest ... I haven't been here long enough, even if I'd wanted to )

I absolutely get that folk are busy and that not everyone RSVP's these days, but since I've not had even one reply I'm wondering if I should just forget the whole thing - I really don't want to decorate the garden, make tea for a crowd and then be sitting here alone

Please can anyone advise the best thing to do?

You sound like a lovely gracious lady OP.

From another perspective this would make me very nervous. I'm an introverted anxious person and i'm not good in groups, even with my own friends. Weddings, parties and big events keep me awake for nights in advance. After years of therapy I can manage them when I must, but I am still not overly keen on chatting with people outside of my little circle. I would usually choose to be home with a bottle of wine, cat and kindle over most social gatherings.

Maybe you've moved into a road of introverts?!

Mind you I am not unfriendly with my neighbours. We say hi and ask if people have had a nice weekend, ask after each others pets and kids, and I leave home grown edibles on my neighbours doorstep, following which she then leaves on our doorstep things she has baked with our produce. Which is very nice :-)

But we very much prefer to keep to ourselves and are very private. We're not miserable, smug cunts, or weird. We're just quite solitary people.

(not in Bedforshire btw)

I wish the anti-social people would stop describing themselves as introverts. You're giving us sociable introverts a bad name.
OP, I would be delighted to get an invitation to your party and am pathetically flattered if anyone invites me anywhere.
Is anyone else trying to imagine a similar party in their neighbourhood? Ours could be interesting with a motley crew of alcoholics, recluses and the just plain unfriendly, with a few pleasant, talkative people thrown in!
I don't think I'm brave enough to try it, though.

Being an introvert or solitary doesn't necessarily mean you wouldn't want to meet a new neighbour. After all these people will be living near you and at the very least you can put a face to a name.

If someone pushed a card through my door for a 'getting to know you' I would be pleased to do so - and since they are neighbours by definition you won't have to go far if you want to leave early.

I'm not in Bedfordshire either. I'd pop in.

I don't ever want to be in a situation when someone is abused or dies because we were ignorant of their situation

You know what? Looking at a (happily) small number of these replies, I'm beginning to understand exactly how this happens It really does seem a shame to have attracted abuse because I tried to do something nice, but hey - it takes all sorts

For anyone who's interested, I'm in Derbyshire where I've lived all my life. Generally the folk here really are very friendly, so perhaps I'm worrying too soon and they really will all reply this weekend!!

I found Bedfordshire really friendly. But that was coming from living in london

Don't worry. They likely will just turn up on the day. Use the next two week to wave from a distance so they feel like they know you a little

When I was little we always had street parties.

I'd come if a neighbour invited me round.

No tarty outfits? That's it then, I'm not going.

I bet loads will turn up, you sound lovely. Stock up on stuff that won't go off and have s great time whatever happens!

I want to go now.

Move to Scotland and have your tea OP, you won't even need to send out invites, you'll have half the street round on moving day

So true!

I'd definitely come OP! I hardly get invited anywhere anymore, and I love a good knees up!

You should like a lovely neighbour. Don't go changing because there are some miserable bastards out there who like to curtain twitch and judge people they don't even know x

It might just be that it's not the "norm" for your neighbourhood to do this kind of thing, so everyone is just a bit wary of the new neighbour moving in and formally inviting everyone round to a get together with 4 weeks notice ... I get less notice than that from DDs school about mandatory events, and with work shifts changing all the time I never schedule things that far in advance if I can help it.

I live in a quiet terraced street - it's a long street separated into about 5/6 blocks of 20 houses each, we live on the end and we are effectively a cul-de-sac as the end of the block backs onto the back street for the next street - kind of like a "T" shape, with the top as the back street and the vertical as our street. I know my neighbours to say hello to on the street, pass the time of day with the NDN over the wall in the back yard, to take parcels in for them, my DD plays in the back streets with some of the other kids etc, but I do not know 90% of their names nor have I ever been into their houses or them into mine. Nobody here has hosted a party for the entire street or even their NDN s far as I'm aware ... that's not to say we are an unfriendly bunch, we just aren't best friends that are in and out of each others' houses all day.

If somebody was to move in and invite the whole street round I'd probably decline because it would just be a strange thing to do in our neighbourhood - especially if we've never met or even spoken to these new neighbours. I wouldn't respond if I was stood outside the corner shop and some random person invited me to their house so why would I respond to a random invite pushed through my door from a stranger?

I'd also be concerned it would start a precedent - either with you inviting neighbours over all the time for "street parties" or feeling like I should be reciprocating the hosting (and others feeling the same) and the street going from a place where neighbours are friendly but not friends to feeling like everyone is judging everyone else for hosting or not hosting.

But the OP isn't 'random', is she? She lives on the same street of 24 houses.

God help us all if a neighbour inviting other neighbours around is considered a threat. She might invite us around again, shock horror! We might have to invite her into our house one day, gasp!

I can't relate to this mindset at all, I'm afraid. I can't imagine reacting to an invitation from a new neighbour by thinking, oooh, this isn't good, now everybody will be judging each other for hosting or not hosting, let's pretend it isn't happening.

Some of the stories in this thread make me think of the late Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough doing their Cissie and Ada (?) sketch: hissing at each other over the fence about her at number 15, who does she think she is!

how far in advance did you ask?

For some people too much notice is as bad as none!

Are you able to invite some of your friends / family round so it doesnt go to waste ?? I think thats really rude and if i had an invitation i would deffo rsvp , whether i could make it or not , id probably get the right hump about that!! Have you seen any of them since, maybe say i dont know if you got my invitation but im having a get together to celebrate moving in and you're more than welcome to come!! Hope it goes ok

God I'm depressed now reading this thread.

I live in Derbyshire - can I come??

But the OP isn't 'random', is she? She lives on the same street of 24 houses.

But she's only just moved in ... so to the neighbours who live there she is a random stranger who happens to live in the vicinity. Yes it's a nice gesture to be invited over but my neighbours and I are all perfectly happy with the status quo we already have - polite "hi/bye" when seeing each other in the street, passing the time of day on the doorstep hen collecting parcels that have been taken in for each other, and chats about the weather over the shared garden walls - and have no interest in any further interactions.

OP - you sound lovely! I wish that you lived on my street, although they are a sociable bunch it is more focused on activities for the children that the adults.

I can remember when I was a child new neighbours would often throw a party when they moved into tour street. My parents were always nipping out to drinks parties (lucky buggers . Things seemed a lot more social back then, and this was in London btw.

Some of the stories in this thread make me think of the late Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough doing their Cissie and Ada (?) sketch: hissing at each other over the fence about her at number 15, who does she think she is!

I confess the image had occurred to me

So far I'm up to nine friends coming, so at least somebody will be there. And to the PP who asked, replies were politely asked for by last Sunday, 2 weeks before the day ... too early for some, perhaps, but when I hosted parties at my old house several would always say "Oooo I'd have come if you'd given more notice!!" A no-win situation, I guess ...

OP, I have lived here for 3 years and in that time there has been two invites along these lines pushed through my door. I didn't think to RSVP to either but always held the intention of popping along if the day arrived and I wasn't doing anything else. I bet you people will show up. I really like living in a place where this is a done thing and I am saying that as someone that would prefer to be holed up in my house alone!

We got to know our neighbours by myself and my children baking cakes and dropping them off to introduce ourselves. Just thought you might like the idea if the party doesn't work out. Hope it does though!

Could you invite some of your friends and have the do anyway, and if any of the neighbours pop in - fine and if not, also fine.

Firstly I would rsvp, it is the height of rudeness not to. Secondly, if I didn't have a prior commitment I would make the effort to come, even if I rsvp' saying DS has a party to attend at 3 but we can pop in for an hour if that's ok with you? We have lives here 3 years and chat to a few neighbours, they've helped us out, reciprocal bin taking in etc. It was only last month that I invited the nearest round for a BBQ which out of 4 sets 2 attended, 1 was on holiday and the others said no as had another BBQ to ate d but thanked us. I invited friends too (one of whom lives on the street anyway but further down) and it turned into a great shindig. You don't have to live out of neighbours pockets but friendliness and looking out for your neighbourhood is a positive in my book. I have one neighbour up the street who I met once at another 'do' who was rude and unpleasant towards me and I will avoid like the plague and one that I had a parking issue with some time ago. You can't please all the people all the time. I think it's a lovely idea of yours and if I was your neighbour I'd be over with a bottle of prosecco, a bunch of flowers and a welcome to your new home card. OH, not so much! He doesn't so small talk or new people, I have to warm them up for him first! Hold your head high op, you are a kind and thoughtful person and sod anyone who doesn't value that enough to extend basic courtesy. You and your friends have a great time and let them wonder what they are missing!