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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Elmlea Husband strikes again!

335 replies

ElinorRigby · 10/06/2017 11:30

I posted a few days back about my husband, who was given a shopping list with 'cream' and 'orange juice cartons' on it. He returned with a) Elmlea and b) cartons of orange squash - despite the fact that both of us always have real cream and pure fruit juices.

We had a conversation in which I said if the shop did not stock the products on the list, it was better to return empty-handed.

I asked him to take the squash back and he did so, telling me he'd now go some apple juice in exchange. (In fact he had got multivitamin fruit and carrot juice.)

Yesterday the handle of our smaller bucket snapped. We have one heavy duty bucket - the kind used for outdoor jobs - and the smaller bucket that I use for soaking and handwashing. I said 'Could you get me a small 8 litre bucket while you're out.'

He returned saying he had had to look everywhere in order to find a small bucket. He then showed me quite a large bucket with a label on the side saying '13 litre capacity.'

I said, 'This is too big.'
He said, There weren't any small ones. I went to lots of shops.'
I said, 'Did you get a receipt'
He said, 'No.'

I took the 13 litre bucket back intending to ask for a refund and then order one of the right size from Asda Click and Collect. But the woman at the shop said, 'We do have smaller buckets'. So, because she was being helpful, I got a 7 litre one from the display at the front of the shop.

Is this a '3 strikes and he's out' situation?

OP posts:
Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 11/06/2017 20:45

You do know you could put 8 litres of water in a bigger bucket and that would resolve the weight issue? I think you have been very rude to the woman whose husband died recently.

flownthecoopkiwi · 11/06/2017 20:49

* think he is purposefully being a useless prick so he won't be asked to do anything again. It is a well used tactic, a faux learned helplessness and feigning ignorance which can excuse him from doing tasks he can't be arsed with

Exactly. Don't fall for it.

That wouldn't wash at work,*

Actually, it happens a lot in the workplace. And men do it more and don't get judged for it because we have lower expectations and think they have more important things to do than work out how to unjam the photocopier. Google 'strategic incompetence'

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 11/06/2017 20:55

"...just because their husbands are alive and are currently annoying their wives, is really the way forward for you." FFS

Tfoot75 · 11/06/2017 20:59

The makers of Elmlea must be on to a winner, making a completely disgusting product made of a byproduct of the diary industry mixed with palm oil and half of the nation believing its superior to actual cream because it's a brand name and they had a tv advert a few years ago. Has no one got actual tastebuds!!?!?!? It tastes nothing like cream, which is delicious!

Treeballarae · 11/06/2017 21:00

Elinor, he sounds very frustrating, it sounds like a classic case of strategic incompetence to me. You asked him to get a specific thing.
You had previously told him that if he can't get something on a list then to come home empty handed, which he ignored. He knows your house is cluttered because he lives there and has eyes and should know you don't want a superfluous bucket, it shouldn't matter that you can also fill a 13 litre bucket with 8 litres, because you wouldn't have asked for a specific size of bucket if any size would do . He tells you there weren't any smaller ones than the 13 litre he came home with, and he had looked everywhere. This turned out to be untrue as you found out when you visited the shop, so he's told you a white lie to cover up what he's done, which is childlike behaviour. He didn't think to ask an assistant for help or call you. He knew he had bought a bucket that didn't match the specifics on the list, yet he didn't keep the receipt. I think you have every right to be frustrated and vent on here because of it.

neilwalker · 11/06/2017 21:06

What exactly is his 'punishment' if he fails you three times?

Also, metspengler, he probably didn't expect a cookie because he's a grown man. You seem to be quite patronising.

beepbeepimasheep · 11/06/2017 21:09

Op did you send him out to buy potatoes tonight? I went in for milk and a chap was on the phone describing all the different type of potatoes and asking which were the right ones 😮

muckypup73 · 11/06/2017 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lalalax3 · 11/06/2017 21:43

Ok after the last few posts I don't feel so bad that Twitter is laughing at the OP now

Ceto · 11/06/2017 22:01

To be fair, MN is full of threads that look bloody trivial against the awful tragedy of losing your beloved partner suddenly. It's not really fair to pick on OP.

Somerville · 11/06/2017 22:03

Elinor So another poster 'allowing' your OP to annoy her means she needs professional help, but you allowing yourself to be annoyed at your husband buying the wrong size of bucket is all his fault? Well that's logical. Confused

Pam Flowers

Chloe84 · 11/06/2017 22:12

muckypup73

unfortunately there is such a thing called Karma, it willcome round and bite you on the bloody arse! I do hope you come back and moan about that when it happens!!!

  1. Karma doesn't mean what you think it means. Google it.

  2. you're wishing bereavement on someone, which makes your post pretty 'disgusting'

Chloe84 · 11/06/2017 22:19

To all the Einsteins telling OP the 13L bucket holds 8L water, OP has already explained ages ago why she needs a small bucket.

TheFirstMrsDV · 11/06/2017 22:21

ceto her response to Pam are fucking awful.

Mightymidge29 · 11/06/2017 22:41

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who never knew elmlea wasn't cream Blush totally misses point of thread!

Is this really about the useless shopping though or just projecting? My dp does stuff like this all the time, he really does try but he honestly doesn't see it in the same way and it wouldn't bother him one bit to have squash instead of juice, I doubt he would notice!
Equally he's asked me to pick up oil for the car on my way home before and there turned out to be a load of different types which made no sense I'm quite feminst, do it myself kinda girl normally honest and i got the wrong one.

Everyone makes mistakes. If you've split your house roles so you are usually in charge of the cooking it's not weird for him to not get it in the same way, just as you'd probably be out of your depth in some of his jobs. And with the bucket you known what men are like with size, he probably thought bigger was better than smaller Wink If it bothers you this much I think you might be projecting anger from other issues that might need addressing Flowers

angelfacecuti75 · 11/06/2017 22:46

Yes it's annoying (I didn't know elmleigh wasn't cream , what's the difference? ) . But a buckets a bucket. It holds water. The song "let it go" comes to mind. He tried. He got it wrong. Give him specific details next time. People make mistakes - tell him what he did wrong and hopefully he'll get it right next time. Don't let it wind you up anymore.

angelfacecuti75 · 11/06/2017 22:48

Ps of you needed a certain size bucket I apologize but think the above applies^

BarbaraofSeville · 11/06/2017 22:52

Elmlea: A blend of buttermilk and vegetable oils It doesn't even say cream on the tub, except the words 'alternative to cream' in miniscule unreadable writing.

Made by Unilever, ingredients: Buttermilk (63%), Vegetable Oils in varying proportions (35%) (Palm, Rapeseed), Buttermilk Powder, Emulsifiers (E435, E322 (from Soya)), Lactose, Stabilisers (E412, E410), Colour (E160a)

There was an advertising campaign a few years ago wittering on about how it is an alternative to cream. Its a few pence cheaper, lower in fat and claims to last longer, but I wouldn't take that as an advantage, given that proper creeam is usually fine for a week or two after the useby date anyway.

Elmlea Husband strikes again!
Addley · 12/06/2017 00:04

Just went to check on the lovely double cream sitting in my fridge, about four days past its sell-by. Yep, still delicious. Also now spoonable for some reason Confused

FED UP OF HAVING TO SQUINT AT MY PHONE BECAUSE I'M POSTING FROM THE FUCKING DESKTOP SITE BECAUSE THE FUCKING MOBILE SITE DOESN'T WORK PROPERLY GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH

cleanlaundry · 12/06/2017 02:47

Have only skimmed through the thread but I don't understand why some women enable this incompetence among men. It's almost like treating them like they're Children by accepting they got it wrong and moving on without saying a word. They're adults. If you can't find something in the supermarket then use that device you keep in your pocket (I think it's called a mobile phone) to call up and ASK. Or better yet, send a pic through whatsapp. Only then will you avoid stupid situations like this.

That's what I've always done regardless of who I'm buying for and whether or not I know what the item is (because women won't know about man things like which car oil to buy right? Or what size screw and wall plug? Hmm). It's what everyone including male friends and family have done too. Common sense. And sorry none of this crap about you don't own a mobile phone. It's 2017.

cleanlaundry · 12/06/2017 02:49

And I actually want to vom at the "your poor DH" comments Hmm what the actual fuck

lazycrazyhazy · 12/06/2017 06:11

"We had friends coming over for a BBQ once and my DH said he'd go and get supplies. He came back with beer and a poker set!

GrinI'm lying in bed shaking with laughter - love that!

Before Christmas my DH was asked to buy 10kg of carrots (I envisaged one of those sacks of them). He came back and said "that's an awful lot of carrots". He doesn't cook so has no conception of weights. He'd read the back of a packet of carrots which said each 250g serving gave so much vitamin C so assumed each packet was 250g. It was at least 2kg. So he bought 40 packets. We are still eating them! We did laugh though.

Brittbugs80 · 12/06/2017 06:14

Cleanlaundry. I feel sorry for her husband. She sends him the shop, he comes back with two wrong items. She makes him return said items then comes on here, starts a post and ridicules him for it.

She then does the same thing again. People then join in saying he's useless, she shouldn't put up with it, he's trying to get out of helping. Anyone that offers an opinion that doesn't agree with her opinion of her "useless" husband is then accused of enabling "stupid" "childlike" men.

She was then absolutely disgusting in her responses and tried to humiliate a recently bereaved poster.

Yet if this was role reversed, she would be offered sympathy and told to get her ducks in line and to prepare to leave an abusive relationship, asked if her husband was this controlling in other areas of her life etc.

The OP sounds like, and acts, like a petulant child with no respect for her husband, who thinks nothing of pulling up his mistakes and laughing at them behind his back and welcoming support and ridicule from other posters. Again, this wouldn't be acceptable in a role reversal.

In short, she's a control freak and her husband should get his ducks in line and be prepared to leave. In other words he needs to LTB.

lazycrazyhazy · 12/06/2017 06:18

I'm not convinced these things are gender related by the way. I know men who regularly cook and shop. It's just another task that varies house to house as to who mainly does what. I have no interest in cars and would probably get the wrong thing unless given very particular instructions. I struggle if asked to get his razor blades too... bloody things all look the same.

TheFirstMrsDV · 12/06/2017 08:27

Brit has it.

This is not about colluding with the patriarchy to allow child-men to be lazy.

This is a poster holding up her partner for ridicule based on some minor mistakes with some trivial shopping.
And it absolutely wouldn't be tolerated from a man.

Yes, 'poor oh' , not because he is just a silly man who can't be expected to do better at women's work. More that if she is so quick to humiliate him online what the hell is she like to live with?

It is perfectly possible to be a feminist and still feel sympathy for a male human being. ffs

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