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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Elmlea Husband strikes again!

335 replies

ElinorRigby · 10/06/2017 11:30

I posted a few days back about my husband, who was given a shopping list with 'cream' and 'orange juice cartons' on it. He returned with a) Elmlea and b) cartons of orange squash - despite the fact that both of us always have real cream and pure fruit juices.

We had a conversation in which I said if the shop did not stock the products on the list, it was better to return empty-handed.

I asked him to take the squash back and he did so, telling me he'd now go some apple juice in exchange. (In fact he had got multivitamin fruit and carrot juice.)

Yesterday the handle of our smaller bucket snapped. We have one heavy duty bucket - the kind used for outdoor jobs - and the smaller bucket that I use for soaking and handwashing. I said 'Could you get me a small 8 litre bucket while you're out.'

He returned saying he had had to look everywhere in order to find a small bucket. He then showed me quite a large bucket with a label on the side saying '13 litre capacity.'

I said, 'This is too big.'
He said, There weren't any small ones. I went to lots of shops.'
I said, 'Did you get a receipt'
He said, 'No.'

I took the 13 litre bucket back intending to ask for a refund and then order one of the right size from Asda Click and Collect. But the woman at the shop said, 'We do have smaller buckets'. So, because she was being helpful, I got a 7 litre one from the display at the front of the shop.

Is this a '3 strikes and he's out' situation?

OP posts:
pam290358 · 11/06/2017 19:40

Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry to come across as severe but some people are coming across as so shallow and I've just been taught the biggest life lesson there is. We could all go at any time - forget your silly differences and appreciate each other while you can. It all goes so fast.

ElinorRigby · 11/06/2017 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ceto · 11/06/2017 19:44

Can't believe you made him take stuff back to the shop

I think that was pretty essential, to be honest. It sounds suspiciously like deliberate incompetence to me - consciously or subconsciously, he's hoping that if he's useless enough he won't be asked to do it again. He needs to learn that it doesn't work and only generates more tasks for him.

sizeofalentil · 11/06/2017 19:48

Presumably the husband eats and drinks this stuff - why shouldn't he be expected to get it right? Surprised at everyone jumping on the OP. On a previous similar thread people even suggested sending the op's dh back to the shops to get the correct item when they tried the feigned uselessness trick.

TheFirstMrsDV · 11/06/2017 19:48

Don't be so fucking patronising Elinor
Your punt at getting in classics with your 'hilarious' tales of your husband's incompetence is slightly annoying but your 'you sound angry' response to a recent widow is a step too far.

pam290358 · 11/06/2017 19:50

Elinor. Thank you for your valuable insight into grief. I'm not angry. I'm sad, and I'm not angry with everyone on Mumsnet 'just because their husbands are ALIVE and are currently annoying their wives'. How insensitive and insulting is that !!! I'm trying to point out that if one silly girl thinks that this is a 'three strikes and you're out' situation, then she really should rethink what marriage actually means. I did point out that we all have our silly arguments and fall outs over the years and that's normal, but this is blown out of all proportion and she comes across as crass and insensitive and totally unprepared for the horrible things that can happen to change your life in a second. As do you, by the way.

metspengler · 11/06/2017 19:51

My husband of 40 years died of pneumonia with an underlying cause of lung cancer just on 7 weeks ago - 3 days from diagnosis, to being placed on a ventilator and 9 days later he was dead, without uttering another word to me. Elmlea, squash instead of juice and the wrong size bucket ? Really ?????? Is this what you think 3 strikes and you're out is ???? Treat your husband with respect and show him every day how much you love him - he could be taken off you in a heartbeat as mine was, and trust me, you have no idea what it's like until you go through it. Each half of a couple has a fifty fifty chance of experiencing the ultimate in grief - the loss of your life partner. You'd do well to keep this in mind - we all have our minor disputes, but to blow this so out of proportion is nothing short of moronic and you need a serious bite of reality. This life is short and precious - stop wasting it with stupid arguments and grudges that mean nothing and see love for what it is - a gift that you should thank God for every day of your life.

Oh darling, my heart breaks for you. I had tears as I read this.

I think whichever side of a frivolous fun thread like this we fall on, we can all feel for you.

Flowers
sizeofalentil · 11/06/2017 19:51

And why should the op have to get everything herself and accept her dh is just too feeble to manage to buy orange juice and cream?

It's not like she asked him to pick out tampons or new knickers for her or something else he wouldn't have regular experience with.

I hate this whole enforced martyrdom thing. 'do it yourself next time' just means her dh will never have to really try to get things right, until she absorbs all the tasks.

pam290358 · 11/06/2017 19:51

By the way Elinor - I've tried Cruse. They're crap. Left six messages on an unmonitored answering machine so far, and no response. Shows how clued up you are doesn't it.

Anotheroneofthese · 11/06/2017 19:52

Here, here ThefirstMrsDV. I agree

Decaffstilltastesweird · 11/06/2017 19:55

Pam Flowers for you.

Sorry, I posted earlier without seeing your post.

I'm so sorry about your husband Flowers.

puppy23 · 11/06/2017 19:58

Being that picky over elm lea vs cream is v OTT!
As for the bucket, no he didn't get it right but he tried?
Maybe you need to do your own shopping in future?
That or avoid overreacting to menial things!

Emboo19 · 11/06/2017 20:16

I'm confused by the juice/squash! Probably way overthinking this but.....was it small cartons like for a pack up? I just didn't think squash (as I know it the type you add water to) came in cartons its in bottles. Did he just get cartons of juice drink instead of pure juice?
Like these photos.....

Elmlea Husband strikes again!
Elmlea Husband strikes again!
Emboo19 · 11/06/2017 20:17

Very sorry for your loss Pam Flowers

WomblingThree · 11/06/2017 20:20

Pam that's a terrible thing to happen. I'm so sorry for your tragic loss. I hope you manage to access some help.

@DJBaggySmalls I've seen a couple of people say that. Can you explain to me what you mean as the only thing I've ever seen on Reddit is the unsolved mysteries board.

WomblingThree · 11/06/2017 20:24

Oh and Elmlea is a cream substitute. It won't kill anyone for fucks sake. As has been shown here, the vast majority of people (even those who buy it) weren't aware of any difference. Is perfectly fine for cooking or whipping or anything else you do with regular cream. Ok, it might taste a bit different but it's not poisonous 🙄

Hotpinkangel19 · 11/06/2017 20:26

Pam Flowers My Dad is going through this, my mum died on Monday. 42 years they were married. Xx

Brittbugs80 · 11/06/2017 20:27

Elinor.

You've just made yourself sound an even bigger twat that you did on the original post. And the Elmlea cream post.

Trying to belittle people seems to be a speciality of yours doesn't it?

Absolute cockwomble.

5OBalesofHay · 11/06/2017 20:30

Are you a bit controlling?

ElinorRigby · 11/06/2017 20:31

Pam while allowing my domestic situation to annoy you may - in the short term - provide some sort of outlet for the problems caused by bereavement, you clearly do need some sort of real-life support

I have had dealings with Cruse after a bereavement, and though I had to wait for a while before getting help, I found them enormously skilful and understanding. As a voluntary agency they can be very overstretched. Perhaps your GP - or the hospital where your husband died - may be able to suggest other sources of help.

OP posts:
Writermom22 · 11/06/2017 20:35
Shock
TheFirstMrsDV · 11/06/2017 20:36

She lost her husband a few weeks ago.
Its far to early for bereavement counselling and I would be surprised if any agency agreed to a referral at this time.
Its called grief and its normal.
And her reaction to this thread is normal.
and understandable.

Wiewioora65 · 11/06/2017 20:37

Keep your standards high, well done to you, you don't want to spend life with liability for DH

TheFirstMrsDV · 11/06/2017 20:38

wombling I like Elmlea and buy it on purpose.

I don't know what the fuss is about.

5OBalesofHay · 11/06/2017 20:41

Maybe he bought what he prefers