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Original poster

What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

542 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/06/2017 08:52

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

OP posts:
Blimey01 · 11/06/2017 10:00

It's typical fucking MN anyway. If a bloke did this to a woman he'd be called a total bastard and she'd get masses of sympathy but because it's a woman doing it she's all brave and amazing

I know it's all sorted but really this ^^^^^
He's had a lucky escape

IggyAce · 11/06/2017 10:08

Thanks for the update OP, as I said your a good friend and the non bride was brave to call it off and brave to speak to her guests. I'm sure the people at the home enjoyed the cake and will love the flowers.

spiney · 11/06/2017 10:12

Thanks OP.

Well not-bride stuck around and sorted out and reimbursed and paid for lunch which many were worried about.

I feel terrible for the groom. Who wouldn't ?

And I would hate hate hate this to happen to one of my DS. But if she didn't want to marry him she didn't want to marry him. I can not get my head round going thru with a wedding when you KNOW you don't want to as some of the posters on here have suggested she should have.

Timing is everything isn't it? The morning of the wedding is appalling but it happens. Sometimes it takes going right to the edge to know. It happens. She won't be the first or last. Not everything is clear cut and sorted for everyone. I doubt very very much she wanted this to happen.

It's a sad situation for everyone concerned. I think she's doing the right thing disappearing for a bit. For herself aswell.

Sounds like you've been a good friend to her OP. Hope the groom gets as good support.

Weird thing about donating all the food isn't it? As posters were suggesting. Unless you've got a ready made bunch to eat it all up it's difficult. But flowers and cake to the old people's home sounds a great idea. Did they know the reason behind it?

Andrewofgg · 11/06/2017 10:14

OP You are a friend above all friends. I hope the non-bride is grateful (and indeed the non-groom too when he is over the immediate shock) for all you have done to make it a bit less difficult for all concerned - like a big sister to them both.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/06/2017 10:40

I don't think I'd want to date someone who was that easily "broken". It sounds as if their self-esteem was not great in the first place if one bad dumping could "break" them.

Why is it that women want men that in touch with their feelings but then don't like it when those feelings have repercussions?

Good to see that the bride has stuck around to sort out all of the problems that she has caused.

BewareOfDragons · 11/06/2017 10:45

Thank you for the update, OP.

It sounds like she handled everything the best she could under the circumstances. I can imagine the groom and his family were quite upset/angry/confused by the late decision, but it sounds like she did what she could to deal with the fall out on the day for everyone.

I still believe people can get to that point and not know how they got there, and realise, belatedly, that they were making a terrible mistake for themselves. I still think it's better for her to have spoken up and called it all off, rather than commit to a marriage she didn't want to commit to for whatever reason.

OP, you did well to be there for your friend.

Topuptheglass · 11/06/2017 10:56

You're a great friend OP.

I'm sure your friend didn't come to this decision lightly. It's a pity it was so last minute but better than a lifetime of regrets - for both of them.

JacquesHammer · 11/06/2017 11:24

I really hope you're ok OP - sounds like you've been a brilliant friend.

I think she has taken a difficult step BUT has done everything she can to help with logistics on the day. I hope they both move on from this to find some happiness.

MsEDashwood - you're a revolting person. Truly and utterly revolting. My fertility has been decimated by fibroids - wonder what I have "done" to "deserve" that. Awful

viques · 11/06/2017 11:35

thanks for the update OP, you have had a very traumatic 24 hours, probably feels a lot longer, hope you find time to relax today.

Glad someone got to eat the cake, even if it wasn't me!

Itsnotwhatitseems · 11/06/2017 11:35

its very sad for all, I don't expect the bride planned it this way, she had an empithany moment and realized at the last moment it wasn't the right thing to do, to be honest if she had gone ahead and then divorced him, the groom would still be hurt.

I am so sorry you had to deal with this Op, it must have been the opposite of what you thought your weekend would be, you are a good friend and I hope all parties recover from the emotional fall out

expatinscotland · 11/06/2017 11:40

'I can't believe the post from the person who thinks it would be worse for a woman for this to happen to than a man! What a sexist crock of crap.'

Yeah, because she's pregnant or has kids and has given up work and all sorts of projecting shite.

14Peanut17 · 11/06/2017 12:42

OP your update was excellent, calm and non-reactive to some of the ridiculous judgements comments on this thread and the assumptions so posters made were crazy.

14Peanut17 · 11/06/2017 12:48

Forgot to say, your friend is lucky to have you, you were very supportive.

It appears that some posters on MN don't understand the word friend.

sadsquid · 11/06/2017 13:34

Obviously it would have been far better to come to the realisation earlier, but for heaven's sake, of course you shouldn't go ahead and marry someone for politeness' sake and then dump them afterwards. I'm genuinely gobsmacked that someone would suggest that. I'm sure being jilted at the altar, or near as damn it, is awful. Really really awful. But would it seriously be better to have the experience of going through vows, looking into that person's eyes, believing they're promising to be with you for the rest of your lives, all the emotion that entails - and then find out afterwards it was all a lie? As if that would make you more able to trust future partners? I'm sorry, I really don't believe it would.

GabsAlot · 11/06/2017 14:34

glad sh paid for the guests that stayed

you sound lik a good friend if my fiance did that to me id hav thrown his stuff out on the lawn whn i got home but each to their own

PoorYorick · 11/06/2017 15:47

What a loyal friend you are. And it sounds as though the bride has done everything possible to clear up the mess.

PoorYorick · 11/06/2017 15:51

I don't think I'd want to date someone who was that easily "broken". It sounds as if their self-esteem was not great in the first place if one bad dumping could "break" them.

Well, I wouldn't want someone who was so robotic and sociopathic that they would be completely unmarked by being jilted on their wedding day.

That's better than going through with it with the intention to divorce immediately (ffs), but it's still a damaging and traumatic experience. I couldn't blame anyone for being scarred by it.

Babbitywabbit · 11/06/2017 16:13

Humiliation is one of the hardest emotions to deal with, particularly when it's public. Ever wondered why adults still remember school days incidents when they were made to feel humiliated in front of others.

Of course the woman shouldn't have gone ahead with a marriage she didn't want. But fgs a 38 year old women who has paid for the wedding herself and has started renting a home with her fiancé.... doesn't say much for her self awareness that she didn't realise
Until the morning of the wedding that she didn't want to do it. A change of mind even just days before would have prevented the public humiliation aspect of it. She could have told her fiancé first - yes he still would be heart broken but at least he'd have retained a little dignity through being able to discuss with the woman what they would say. The woman robbed him of his dignity - nothing brave about that.

SherbrookeFosterer · 11/06/2017 17:25

Your instincts are right. Stay sober.

Inform the best man and the vicar. The rest will do itself.

Leave the food out as a buffet for those who need sustenance.

If your friend is sure she has made a bad choice, keep her calm & tell her it is better to ruin a day, than a life.

Babbitywabbit · 11/06/2017 17:50

Haha too late for stay sober

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 11/06/2017 17:55

Thanks for the update op hope your hangover is easing as the day goes on :)

29Palms · 11/06/2017 17:56

Inform the best man and the vicar. The rest will do itself

Whaaaat?

Luckily your advice comes well over 24 hours too late.

MrsPorth · 11/06/2017 18:27

I hope you're ok OP, you did so well.

sprot · 11/06/2017 19:27

How awful for everyone the not bride included
XxxSmile

PacificDogwod · 11/06/2017 20:45

Wishing everybody involved some peace, time to regroup and recover and a happy future when the dust has settled Thanks

Well done, OP.

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