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Original poster

What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

542 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/06/2017 08:52

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

OP posts:
Mustang27 · 10/06/2017 18:54

I wish I had been as brave as your friend. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.

ziggy1986 · 10/06/2017 18:56

Mustang - what a lot of bollocks, she must have known before now this was coming 😏

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 18:57

Papafran

She has just dumped him, do you really think that he should have to put up with her stuff being around?

She could move it to her friends or parents and move in with them.

Any joint accounts could be sorted on Monday at the opening of the bank.

What is happening with the Matrimonial home should be done ASAP
and if one of them is buying out the other it could be fairly quick.

And if I were part of the groom's family/party, I would be very concerned about the bride disappearing and cancelling any outstanding payments.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 18:59

She needs to give him space and she has

So she is going to give him space by leaving him with all her stuff?

Maybe he could do the approved female method and just dump it all on the kerb

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 19:01

PurpleDaisies

We are only assuming that everything has been paid, not everyone pays up front.

PurpleDaisies · 10/06/2017 19:03

We are only assuming that everything has been paid, not everyone pays up front.

No. We are reading the thread and what the op has already said.

PoorYorick · 10/06/2017 19:04

She's right not to go through with it if she doesn't want to but it's really cruel to piss off out of the country immediately so everyone else has to sort it out and the poor groom can't talk to her to absorb and try to understand what's happened. It's her mess, she should clean it up. And she owes him a proper farewell.

Papafran · 10/06/2017 19:05

Surely they would have been going on honeymoon if they had got married. Space is good. If they live together, they probably have a lot of joint stuff that can't be sorted until they actually move out. She's not going forever, but if she stays here, she might actually have to be living with him (may not be logistically possible to stay with family). It's probably better for him to not have to see her for a while rather than jumping straight into discussions of who gets the sofa.

Anyway, we know nothing about the dynamics of the relationship. Maybe she had voiced concerns before but he persuaded her to go through with it. Who knows? Maybe they don't have a joint account, or not one that needs to be urgently closed.

Why was she paying for the entire wedding herself anyway? Was he not paying too?

Mustang27 · 10/06/2017 19:06

Ziggy obviously we don't know the ins and outs of how she got to that point. My relationship was abusive and wish I hadn't married him as it took a further 2 years drama to get my divorce. I was just jealous of her resolve.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 19:06

PurpleDaisies

And the OP is privy to all the finances of her friend.

As far as the OP knows her friend has "paid", but she may still be 'paying' the money to everyone.

DirtyBlonde · 10/06/2017 19:07

It's been a while since OP posted.

I suspect my advice will now be redundant. Because I ypthought the most practical thing to do would be to persuade the bride to alter her flight, so she has time to deal with all the initial correspondence with suppliers and make a comprehensive list of what remains to be done for when she returns.

She won't get any refunds this late on, but if she organised/paid, it needs to be her doing the cancelling. Also she'll be the only one who is likely to have details of all the suppliers.

Flowers to hospital or care home. Guests who have travelled need feeding, but excess to a suspect table charity, or if one cannot be found before things go off try giving it to a local nick, or ambulance or fire station, or staff room at a hospital. The emergency services have done us proud recently and I bet they'd welcome a bit of cake.

PurpleDaisies · 10/06/2017 19:07

And the OP is privy to all the finances of her friend.

She has been helping her cancel her wedding. Surely the bride would have mentioned if there were people to pay? Hmm

Hulababy · 10/06/2017 19:09

Papafran - in my experience, many couples these days don't go on honeymoon immediately. Most wait a few days - so they can sort out anything that needs doing with regards to the wedding etc. before they go. So they may not have been going away tomorrow.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 19:21

PurpleDaisies

The bride may well have done in the last 9 hours that OP has been helping her friend since she last posted.

Trills · 10/06/2017 19:32

Removing her stuff from their house? Are you bonkers? Most people can't and don't do that in the first couple of days after splitting up.

29Palms · 10/06/2017 19:36

Do we know if they even share a house? So many assumptions being made.

CheeseQueen · 10/06/2017 20:08

I kind of thought this might be coming, she's not really the settling down type.

So why did she get engaged and set a wedding date in the first place then if she's such a commitment phobe?
She sounds charming. Hmm

Flowerdew2 · 10/06/2017 20:18

Often homeless shelters won't accept food that they do not know when/where it was made or the ingredients etc. as it could be spoiled by the time it gets to them and make people ill.

I do think that the bride is very brave and you can see from many women's experiences how better it would have been to have never got married at all. I'm not one to believe that marriage isn't very important, and a divorce is a better option Confused Marriage binds you together with someone in a meaningful way, and should be entered into lightly. That's why they say "if any one knows of a reason why they should not be married, speak now". That's an opportunity to stop it -- because once married, you can't go back to being "single" again, that marriage will always be in your history.

Divorce can be very costly and onerous, and the betrayal you'd feel from a sham marriage would be worse that not going through with it.

I'm shocked that women are so brainwashed into feeling they must give the least amount of inconvenience to others they'd actually get MARRIED to save another person's feelings?! And the guests, because they bought a new dress?! How ridiculous! ShockShockShock

And to the pps who talked about karma meaning they are "single and childless" Hmm being single and childless is many women's CHOICE. How disgusting to look down on others for not procreating. I wonder what your "karma" will be for being so nasty.

Flowerdew2 · 10/06/2017 20:19
  • should not be entered into lightly
sodablackcurrant · 10/06/2017 20:26

There is more to this than we know I suspect.

I will only forgive the Bride if she found out something awful either on the day or just before.

Otherwise, I am in the camp that says jilting on the day is just a dreadfully dramatic and totally insensitive thing to do for all concerned.

Not to mention leaving everyone else to clean up the crap and fek off to NY!

But we can but speculate. We don't really know anything apart from the jilting on the morning of the wedding by the Bride.

Bride could be gay, groom could be gay, Bride could be madly in love with the person she met the night before, ditto for groom. Either could have been caught in flagranto delicto.

This is a book in the making for sure. I am grabbing it first!

BillSykesDog · 10/06/2017 20:27

Removing her stuff from their house? Are you bonkers? Most people can't and don't do that in the first couple of days after splitting up.

This will be nothing like an ordinary split. There will be no ambiguity it will all be very final. Put it this way: after what she's just done leaving the groom in a state of limbo where he can't move on properly or sort out dividing property/returning gifts etc because she's decided to go off gallivanting around NYC is just adding insult to injury.

sodablackcurrant · 10/06/2017 20:28

Flagrante delicto. sorry about my spelling mistake.

29Palms · 10/06/2017 20:32

I am curious like everyone, but I don't expect the OP will come back. She posted for practical advice, which she got, and then went off to deal with the situation.

sodablackcurrant · 10/06/2017 20:38

Ah well, it is how threads evolve.

The pressing matter is how would anyone deal with not wanting to get married on the day.

Or should I say Why would anyone let it get to that stage and just bail out.

That is what gets it for me. Unless something happened the night before or the day of the ceremony. As I have already said.

JustMyLuckUnfortunately · 10/06/2017 21:02

OP I hope the suggestions helped