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Original poster

What are the logistics of cancelling a wedding?

542 replies

RestlessTraveller · 10/06/2017 08:52

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I'm chief bridesmaid for my best friend TODAY, AND SHE's just decided she can't go through with it. We're in a hotel,both of the families are here as well as quite a few of the guests. Apparently drowning myself in prosecco is not an option, so I need practical advice.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 21:08

29Palms
Do we know if they even share a house? So many assumptions being made.

Yes, from both sides. but then that is forum threads for you.

BillSykesDog · 10/06/2017 21:09

That's why they say "if any one knows of a reason why they should not be married, speak now". That's an opportunity to stop it -- because once married, you can't go back to being "single" again, that marriage will always be in your history.

Sorry, but that's an absolute crock. What they actually ask is if there is any lawful impediment. And the only possible or relevant responses are that the bride or groom are already married or are related and therefore marrying is illegal. Nothing else is relevant and that is the only reason they ask it.

And yes you can go back to being single again, that's exactly what an annulment is. You were never married.

I can't believe MN sometimes. I read a thread earlier where some woman was being told her husband was controlling and abusive because he made her a sandwich. Yet a woman can behave in such a cruel, humiliating way towards a man that will emotionally affect him for the rest of his life and she's some sort of bloody heroine?

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 21:09

Trills
Removing her stuff from their house? Are you bonkers? Most people can't and don't do that in the first couple of days after splitting up

the advice to do so on here seems pretty common, as does the congratulations for the wronged women that do it.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 10/06/2017 21:17

i hope the guests still got to eat their meal etc.....i'd be very pissed off if i'd spent all that money and time to attend the wedding just to be told on the day that it was called off.

i'd be so pissed off i'd actually sue the bride n groom to recoup my expenses!

Papafran · 10/06/2017 21:18

I can't believe MN sometimes

What? From someone advocating going through with a wedding ceremony and dumping your spouse later the same day and making them clean up the legal mess by petitioning for nullity? I can't believe you.

I don't know how easy you think it is to get an annulment. It's the same procedure as divorce (and can get complex as the court has similar powers to redistribute assets etc).

meditrina · 10/06/2017 21:25

You can only get an annulment on very limited grounds, likeliest non-consummation. But she cannot apply on those grounds if she is the one who refuses consent.

It is only a person who is desirous of consummation and who has had that denied, who can seek annulment for non-consummation.

Papafran · 10/06/2017 21:32

It is only a person who is desirous of consummation and who has had that denied, who can seek annulment for non-consummation

Exactly. I pointed that out to Bill earlier. I bet if her BIL had been dumped on the wedding night, it would have had exactly the same impact and Bill would probably no doubt say that the bride was selfish for going through with a sham ceremony.

It's not an easy situation but at the end of the day we have someone who does not want to get married to another person (a lifetime commitment with significant legal implications). Should the person be forced to do so to spare the feelings of their partner?

spiney · 10/06/2017 21:43

Something very sad and emotional has happened to both the bride and groom. Particularly the groom. But I am sure it's very emotional for the bride too. Being realistic. Yes really. She sounds like her timing is totally crap but if it needs to be done it needs to be done. From the OP discription it sounds like she was on auto pilot. The day is not going to be easy for any of the families. I feel very sorry for them all.

As a poster said this is when you need your family and friends. Bride and groom. Judgements later. Just get through it. It is not time to inflame the situation with your input.

I can understand the bride wanting to run and hide. I would. I don't see it as swanning off. So what if it's New York. If you've dumped your groom-to-be almost at the altar I don't suppose dumping the tidy-up admin seems such a big deal.

ParisOnWheels · 10/06/2017 21:45

I'm kinda hoping theres a room full of people who came for the wedding that wasnt having a piss up and a dance right now while the former brode sulks...

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 22:24

ParisOnWheels

me too

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 22:26

Should the person be forced to do so to spare the feelings of their partner?

very few have said that they should.

What most have said is that they should be cleaning up the mess that they have made

Mustang27 · 10/06/2017 23:13

Billie I thought the slapped sandwich thread was hilarious and could see why she was pissed, dieting can make people a bit of an arse.

He may not be a very nice human being and it's taken her to this point before she has had the courage to call it all off. I'm not saying that's the case as she could equally be an arse I don't think we will ever know. I just keep picturing that perfume advert with the helicopter and the run away bride.

kaytee87 · 10/06/2017 23:14

i'd be so pissed off i'd actually sue the bride n groom to recoup my expenses

Seriously?

29Palms · 10/06/2017 23:20

I think the OP gave us a clue with
"I kind of thought this might be coming, she's not really the settling down type".

Doesn't sound like the groom is to blame in any way.

MissEDashwood · 10/06/2017 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PurpleDaisies · 10/06/2017 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Papafran · 10/06/2017 23:41

very few have said that they should

Some have and my comment was addressed at Bill who definitely said she should.

As for MsEDashwood, how can you justify your vile comment? You said that you hoped she had blocked tubes and fibroids. Which would presumably cause her discomfort beyond the fact that she couldn't conceive (even though she might not want kids). How can you justify wishing that on someone just because they don't want to marry someone?

Would you also stop people from getting divorced because it might traumatise their spouse? Hopefully not, but can't be sure given your views.

Papafran · 10/06/2017 23:45

Well from experience too I've dated men who have been broken by women, it only takes that one occasion, I honestly don't think life will be the same. Can you imagine the guy wanting to marry or settle down again? He thought this relationship was fine but was wrong

Bull. What about all the people who thought their relationships was fine and then their partner dumps them or cheats on them? People have freedom of choice you know. Yes, it is traumatic when a relationship breaks down, but there are worse things she could do.

You clearly enjoy 19th century fiction and have been reading Great Expectations a little too much. Most people who are jilted these days don't sit in a darkened room all their life, still wearing their wedding clothes. The groom will be hurt but he will move on at some point.

Mustang27 · 10/06/2017 23:50

Lol papafran at that image.

I bet he already has his tinder account up and running thanking his lucky stars.

Very few people I know have not had their heart broken at some point and are more guarded in their next relationship for it but it is very rarely so damaging that they don't move on.

Redglitter · 11/06/2017 01:39

i'd be so pissed off i'd actually sue the bride n groom to recoup my expenses!

You'd seriously bother the poor groom to get your money back? What a right charmer you are.

WellThisIsShit · 11/06/2017 03:41

It's rather interesting to see the way posters have reacted to the idea of NY.

Also baffled that many posters would be able to enjoy a party instead of a reception. Not sure if it shows a willingness not to waste food and goods whatever the circumstances , or a willingness to enjoy themselves in a situation where the core wedding party are shocked, miserable and / or heart broken.

By the way, flowers won't necessarily be accepted with open arms by hospitals, care homes or indeed funerals. They are often considered unhygienic / risk of carrying germs and bacteria. And extra work. I'm just wondering why anyone would be glad to have some random persons flowers plonked on a grave. I suppose they could cheer up a funeral/cremation without any attendees, but still...

Heigh ho, it will work itself out I guess.

Nicpem1982 · 11/06/2017 07:16

.

Would love an update from the op!!

Casschops · 11/06/2017 07:28

Do any of you who are saying that she is "an attention seeking bitch" and that she should go through with it and file for divorce later have any idea of the circumstances behind this split. Yes maybe she should have thought about this before but she didn't and now there is a poor couple in turmoil. None of us are in position to judge and kindness is what is required. Nasty bitchy sniping is not.

McTufty · 11/06/2017 07:48

casschops

I haven't called her an attention seeking bitch and having got to the day of the wedding, calling it off is probably the lesser of two evils (but still very evil). However there is nothing from the OP to suggest there is anything sinister behind this, only that she's not the settling type. People on here can only go on the info we are given by the OP.

Iris65 · 11/06/2017 07:53

Get married and then get it annulled? Absolute madness!