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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Your first child?

162 replies

SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 19:12

What age were you? Did you have to make a decision to keep the baby? Iv found out I'm pregnant today. Obviously I'm all over the place!

OP posts:
twofloorsup · 09/06/2017 19:13

I was 18 when I got pregnant and 19 when I had him.
He was planned.
Best thing I've ever done Smile

Kpo58 · 09/06/2017 19:14

I was 29 when I had my DD. It was planned.

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 09/06/2017 19:15

23, unplanned & yes decided to keep baby. Said baby is now a gorgeous 8 year old who has an equally gorgeous little sister!

I assuming your pregnancy wasn't planned from your OP?

ollieplimsoles · 09/06/2017 19:15

Planned pregnancy at 25, had her when I was 26.

Hope you're ok op Flowers

x2boys · 09/06/2017 19:15

i was 33 and we planned to have a child so no decision to make.

firawla · 09/06/2017 19:16

I was 21 and was happy about it so no decision to make

CleopatraTheCatLover · 09/06/2017 19:16

19, a happy surprise Smile

MrsHathaway · 09/06/2017 19:17

26 and we'd been trying for a few months so no decision to make.

SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 19:19

I'm 19!.. No it wasn't planned. Very much so not planned. Huge shock. Though I'd been sick last few weeks so had a feeling.

Keep thinking I'm younger than I am, I mean I'm not sixteen or anything. Nurse told me to think about it for the weekend. I want to keep the baby. Thought I wasn't able to conceive

OP posts:
Nquartz · 09/06/2017 19:20

31, unplanned but married & financially OK so didn't really have to 'decide' to keep it

Spanneroo · 09/06/2017 19:20

I was 20 and at my final year at uni. Baby due during exam week!

I decided to go for an abortion but 2 days before my appointment, I began miscarrying at 11 weeks (further than I'd thought). We went for a confirmation scan a week and a half later and there was DD boinging about in there like a yo-yo. Having lost her twin, we couldn't face deciding to get rid of the other baby too.

She was born when I was 21 and I wouldn't change her for the world. It was hard having a newborn during exams and starting a career when she was just 3 months old (having relocated half way across the country) but my god she was worth it. Having a child has made me twice the person I was. Absolutely no regrets.

OhDearToby · 09/06/2017 19:20

22 when I fell pregnant after a very short lived fling. I decided to keep the baby who is now 7 yo dd1. She has a good relationship with her dad and I met a lovely man who I have dd2 with and dd3 is due any day.

It's a total cliché to say that parenthood was the making of me but it's very true. I was directionless and drifting before I had her. She gave me purpose.

Flowers
elliejjtiny · 09/06/2017 19:20

23 and planned, after miscarriage 4 months before.

x2boys · 09/06/2017 19:20

are you with the father will he be supportive?

SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 19:21

Tbh I feel like a child could bring joy and happiness that I may not have without, just being silly etc. The last few weeks when I didn't know for sure, I was looking at peoples babies, children and actually longing for one weirdly enough

OP posts:
IWantABlueBanana · 09/06/2017 19:21

I was 21/22, didn't find out until 28 weeks so no choice to be made but wasn't exactly a happy surprise at the time. She's a cracking wee 8 year old now.

SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 19:21

I'm with dp (father) over a year and a half and were very much in love, live together and adore each other , we both went to the doctor together today and received the news together.

OP posts:
SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 19:23

Thanks for all the positive stories and messages :)

OP posts:
Redredredrose · 09/06/2017 19:24

I was 35 when I got pregnant and 36 when I had him - he was planned so no decision making required. Good luck and congratulations, OP.

Ecureuil · 09/06/2017 19:26

29 and planned.
DC2 I was 30 and it was unplanned!

DramaAlpaca · 09/06/2017 19:29

I was 29 & it was planned.

Good luck OP!

EdmundCleverClogs · 09/06/2017 19:31

Fell unexpectedly pregnant at 27, was really unsure. Wasn't the best time financially but with someone who really wanted kids and was willing to do what it took to raise a child. The moment I started to get my head around it, I miscarried. Felt a mixture of such guilt and grief that we instantly started trying again, and had the baby just over a year to the date we lost the previous pregnancy. No regrets, love being a parent and currently 8 weeks pregnant with our second (still hope for a lottery win though Grin).

On balance, fell pregnant at 20, not planned and terminated. Due to circumstances at the time it was certainly the best (abeit most difficult) decision to make.

Take a few days, don't pressure yourself into making a quick decision, make sure you have some proper headspace to see how you really feel about this. I think most of us imagine how we'd feel if we found out we were pregnant (planned or not), but I think most of us just feel a bit freaked out at first, regardless of how we proceed. Take care of yourself Flowers.

Ketzele · 09/06/2017 19:32

I had my first pregnancy at 17 (unplanned), and my first child at 41 (planned).

Cakedoesntjudge · 09/06/2017 19:35

I was 19, thought I couldn't conceive and had only been with the dad for 9 months (who'd also been told he would struggle to conceive naturally). Because of our future chances, after initially choosing to abort we decided to take the chance, knowing there was a high chance that we wouldn't end up together.

DS is 7 this year and although things didn't work out with me and his dad neither of us regret DS and both of us are happy. I was really embarrassed at the idea of being a younger mum (not the done thing in the circle I grew up in) but actually think it was one of the best things that could have happened to me back then. If I hadn't fallen pregnant I think I would have spent a fair few wasted years doing not much with my life!

You are also in a stronger starting position than we were - we lived with his parents, had no savings, rubbish jobs and were still in the honeymoon phase!!

Take the time to make the right decision for you but I always think you get a gut instinct that you should go with :)

Underthemoonlight · 09/06/2017 19:37

Had DS 21unplanned in my final year of university studying nursing. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and was far too young. Relationship didn't last and it was hard being a single mom. I love DS but I wouldn't have put myself in the situation had I had my time again.

Had DD planned at 26 and DS2 29 with DH who I've been with for coming up 7 years. Such a difference being older wiser and being an supportive relationship.

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