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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Your first child?

162 replies

SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 19:12

What age were you? Did you have to make a decision to keep the baby? Iv found out I'm pregnant today. Obviously I'm all over the place!

OP posts:
Juanbablo · 09/06/2017 22:12

I was 19. I found out late in my pregnancy and seriously considered adoption. But I decided to keep the baby and I'm so glad I did. He's an amazing kid and I've since had 2 more.

1Potato2 · 09/06/2017 22:15

First at 30. Second at 32. Both planned. I'm now 34. We're now very much 'done' (and knackered!).

Most of our friends don't have children (yet). They see it as something they'll do in a few years.

MooMooTheFirst · 09/06/2017 22:15

27 when I found out, 28 giving birth. Definitely unplanned, had only been with DP for a few months and he definitely didn't want DC. I wanted to keep him, it was a shitty time for me and DP because we just weren't sure we'd work out and I had a rubbish pregnancy.

DS is 13 months now and we are a very strong little unit, the three of us.

KrayKray00 · 09/06/2017 22:16

18 when I fell pregnant the first time I had sex with the child's father. We hadn't been together long so it was a surprise young and dumb we decided to keep the baby, no question about it regardless of the fact my mom was devestated, told me I'd ruined my life. I continued with college gave birth at 19 and when back to college to do a HE course. When to uni and found out I was pregnant with baby no.2 in the first week at uni. Had my coil removed because of health issues and yet again I fell pregnant first time we had unprotected sex.

We are still together 7 years later with two wonderful DC and I am graduating this year. It is hard work, but all worth it.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!! Smile

SparkleSoiree · 09/06/2017 22:19

I was 19 when I fell pregnant after a short fling, 20 when I had my son as a single parent. Had to decide between my future career in the military or to have my baby. I chose my baby and he's now a handsome, healthy amazing young man now who has brought me more tears and joy than anything else in my life.

Congratulations on your news!

ambereeree · 09/06/2017 23:28

My dd was born when i turned 37... Don't worry you're too young. I'm very envious of young mums knowing they'll be in their 40s when they're children are grown up.

TriJo · 09/06/2017 23:35

19 for my first pregnancy - miscarriage at 12 weeks

31 when my son was born

33 in a couple of weeks and got my BFP for #2 last weekend.

OhTheRoses · 09/06/2017 23:45

I was 34. Very planned. Very planned because my mother was pg at 23, (1959) and had to get married. My parents hated each other way beyond their 12 year marriage. It has always been clear that I ruined my mother's life and there is no question that she'd have had an abortion 15 years later

My childhood wasn't great and my relationship wth my mother has never been great. But I've generally haf a great life and my children ate awesomd.

Confuseddot · 09/06/2017 23:50

Currently 15 weeks pregnant with unplanned baby. I'm 22 and have a mortgage car job etc and with OH. I was on the pill so very much unplanned. We did take a week or so to decide whether to keep the baby. We wanted to do what was right for us and baby. I never thought I'd be in position to think about an abortion but when faced with it we did consider all options. We didn't know if we could afford a child and give it what it needs hut we worked out we could but it'll mean going back to work earlier than we'd like etc. If you're stable and you have a home and can afford then go for it. We will be 1k worse off a month when I'm on mat leave so we will struggle for a a short while but will just have to save only you two can decide x

Original poster
SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 23:53

Its like one minute I'm like so excited for when the baby arrives... And my new life, then another minute I'm like but I'm not finished being a teenager yet :( etc. So bit all over the place even though I'm excited I think I'm just a bit foggy

OP posts:
Confuseddot · 09/06/2017 23:57

It is shock sugar. The fog will cc Lear but yes I did feel the same. At 19 no way could I have a child. I didn't own my house until 20 and couldn't imagine having one then either. I liked holidays and drinking and festivals too much. Now I'm more settled and past the wanting to drink stage and have few friends anyway really so I won't miss out on anything that side of things. It's not easy being a parent my sisters have shown me that. But only you know when you're ready and even then we're not fully ready!! It's the unknown!

PickAChew · 09/06/2017 23:59
  1. Yeah, he's a teenager. Not an easy one by any measure, but I love him to bits.
BarryTheKestrel · 10/06/2017 00:03

I fell pregnant at 21, completely unplanned. After much soul searching I had an abortion due to various medical issues and the fact that i mentally couldn't cope.
At 24 I became pregnant again, in a much healthier place and planned this time, gave birth at 25,she is now 2 and honestly she has given me a purpose in life that was lacking before. It's hard, but worth it.

Original poster
SugarnetMum · 10/06/2017 00:07

I had all my drinking and student parties at a younger age than most people, 16. I feel like I want the baby but my mind keeps throwing different doubts at me :(

OP posts:
silkpyjamasallday · 10/06/2017 00:11

21, not planned but not prevented either. Changed my life entirely positively and gave me a real tangible purpose.

FretYeNotAllIsShiny · 10/06/2017 00:15

Pregnant at 16, had her at 17 as a lone parent. Not planned but not prevented. Completely accidental 2nd pregnancy and a son at 19. By 22 I'd been married and divorced.

They are 24 and almost 22 now, and two of the greatest people I know. I don't regret them for a moment.

It's normal to wonder if you're doing the right thing, if you're up to parenting and fear you'll fuck it all up. Some days I still have those fears.

Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2017 00:18

SugarnetMum I was 39 and had wanted a child since I was 17! (OK gap in the middle when I wasn't thinking about it much from age 19 to 27).

" I want to keep the baby. Thought I wasn't able to conceive"

Then it's great news. Hope all will go well.

Italiangreyhound · 10/06/2017 00:24

"I'm scared to tell my family though, but they will be huge support after the shock I'm 99% sure."

Why are you scared, it sounds like they will be very supportive.

"After all the shock and confusion I do think and hope it will be the best thing to happen me too.. I need that kind of stability and a little person to love in my life.." Just a little warning, the baby will not bring stability to your life. You will need to create that stability for them. It's not the same thing. They will need it and I am sure you will rise to the challenge. but all they will do is look cute, eat, poop, cry and then rinse and repeat, for a long time. There personality will shine out slowly and they may well become the most important person in your life.

My little baby has become that, she is now 12 and a stroppy pre-teenager.

I am sure you can do it, with your partner and family help, maybe even without it. It is exciting and scary at any age.

Bless you and I hope things will go so well. Thanks

Original poster
SugarnetMum · 10/06/2017 00:28

don't know how to thank you all! Its so nice hearing all the different stories..and if I didn't create this thread I'd probably be in tears all evening! Its making me look forward rather than worry..xxx

OP posts:
MoonShapedPool · 10/06/2017 00:33

17 with first, result of ONS, terminated. Semi-planned pregnancy at 19 with partner, she was born when I was 20. Sons born when I was 22 and 26. Unplanned pregnancy at 28 ( same partner as my 3 children), terminated. Three brilliant teens now and no regrets at all. I'm being totally honest here but expect to be flamed. You sound like you are really happy, try not to worry - I'm sure you will be a great mum Flowers

Catra · 10/06/2017 00:33

38 and planned. Happened quicker than I thought however, which was a shock.

MoonShapedPool · 10/06/2017 00:40

Oh and congratulations!! It's a hell of a ride, I'm so glad I did it when I was young. I'm 40 this year and my babies are 19, 17 and 13 and doing just great - oldest is at uni, second going next year Smile

Starfairylights · 10/06/2017 00:41

I had my first at 17. She was not planned. Initially I was 100% going to have an abortion but changed my mind last minute. So glad I kept her

MoonShapedPool · 10/06/2017 00:47

Starfairylights I can't imagine it even being possible to regret a child you have given birth to (said with the benefit of age and experience) Having said that, having a child at 17 is really brave- I didn't have the strength so much respect Smile

PacificDogwod · 10/06/2017 00:53

I was 37 with DS1 (after 4 MMCs), almost 44 when I had DS4.

There is not 'right' or 'wrong' time for a baby, there is no 'perfect' age to become a mother.
I think your feelings on the matter are clear, so congratulations! Smile

Feeling ambivalent about it and scared about the change in your life is only natural. And wise, if you ask me.