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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Your first child?

162 replies

SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 19:12

What age were you? Did you have to make a decision to keep the baby? Iv found out I'm pregnant today. Obviously I'm all over the place!

OP posts:
MrsLlaneous · 09/06/2017 20:31

It sounds like you want this baby but you need someone to okay it? It's your choice obviously but it sounds like the mumsnet massive have spoken and it is ok :) congratulations to you Flowers there are some fab antenatal threads on mumsnet by the way, might be nice to be able to chat about baby stuff with other ladies x

jamie2 · 09/06/2017 20:35

I was 38. Had started trying when aged 30, had lots of fertility investigations over the years, clomid, treatment for endometriosis and in the end gave up trying. Didnt use any contraception as no need and low and behold I eventually fell pregnant, although I didnt realise it for several months and was about to have a d&c when it was discovered. I was completely stunned as my pregnancy was unexpected but once I recovered from the shock my baby was my pride and joy.

MsAwesomeDragon · 09/06/2017 20:40

Unplanned at 19. I had to make the decision to keep the baby, her "father" didn't want her at all, but I kept her anyway. She's 17 and a lovely young woman, I'm so proud of her.

I had a lot of family support when she was tiny, which was brilliant.

If you want to keep the baby, then keep the baby. Hopefully your dp will feel the same and it will be an easy decision to make. That's not to say parenting will be easy, it's got it's good points but it's bloody hard work. Good luck!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 09/06/2017 20:41

Hard to know how to answer your question given the way you phrase it.

First surviving baby, I was (and am) 32. Before that, aged 18, I had to make a decision and was pressured into not maintaining a pregnancy.

Bananacustardyum · 09/06/2017 20:50

I was 39 when I fell pregnant and had my beautiful little girl. Now she's a nearly 3yrs bundle of lushness. I was told I couldn't have children so never thought it would happen and was supposed to be having an operation they did a test 'just in case' and I was 4 wks pregnant!! Massive shock I was so scared thought I would be a rubbish mum but she's so loving and fun that we bump along happily!

ineedwine99 · 09/06/2017 20:53

30, planned. She's the best thing in our lives

FineAsWeAre · 09/06/2017 20:58

23, not planned, best thing that ever happened to me. My life was on a downward spiral and getting pregnant turned that around for me. I was in a bad place with my partner too so at first we thought it was a bad idea to bring a baby into the mix but it made us both grow up and reconnect and now we've been mostly happily married for 5 years. OP, you'll be ok 🙂

wafflesandicecream · 09/06/2017 21:13

I was 19 ( my birthday actually) and in an abusive relationship, I cried my eyes out and seriously considered an abortion.

Dd is lay beside me watching a film cuddled up to me and I feel a pang of guilt I considered a termination.

She gave me the strength to leave the relationship instantly and we've been a team ever since.

You will make the right decision for you, I'm sure of it. It's your choice and whatever you choose to do will be right.

Original poster
SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 21:15

I want to, and am planning on keeping the baby. Its so new and scary to me! Like you've all experienced. I don't want to miss this opportunity.. I hope its the right decision

OP posts:
Lasagnabreath · 09/06/2017 21:18

Think of it this way. Does the thought of having this baby full you with excitement or dread? Either one will give you your answer.

I don't think having a baby is a think with your head hing it's more a feel it in your heart kind of thing.

BeachyKeen · 09/06/2017 21:18

Pregnant at 18, had dd at 19, married at 20, had ds at 21, all planned, much to everyone's shock/frustration/doubt.
We are about to celebrate 19 years married, kids are grown and almost launched. It can work, but it wasn't easy.

Lasagnabreath · 09/06/2017 21:18

Fill*

Littleraincloud · 09/06/2017 21:23

Lost an unplanned baby at 21 and was devastated. Had my first at 23, second at 25 and now planning another ! Its great being young as you have energy and less stress if it takes a little longer to conceive with subsequent pregnancies because time is on your side. I've loved it but was not where I'd planned to be 10 years ago when I fell pregnant on my degree

PeppaIsMyHero · 09/06/2017 21:42

I didn't get pregnant until 36 and was still shocked when I found out, even though it was planned! We wanted a second but it's never happened.

I honestly believe there is never a 'right time', but if you have support, you're half way there. Best of luck. x

AliTheMinx · 09/06/2017 21:45

I was married, 33 and our son was very much wanted (after 2 miscarriages). Hope you're OK, OP. Big hugs xx

Original poster
SugarnetMum · 09/06/2017 21:47

I feel very excited ! In response to your question about dread or excitement. It fills me with joy and suspense but also there is some doubts about not having my old life, though I'm sure excitement is winning for me...

OP posts:
Longdistance · 09/06/2017 21:51

I was 33, and then 35 with dc 2.

I keep getting asked am I having anymore. I'm in my forties.

Emboo19 · 09/06/2017 21:56

I was 18, 19 when dd was born.
Definitely not planned, I did book a termination but couldn't do it. If I'm honest the second I knew I was pregnant I knew I'd be keeping my baby. But I was absolutely petrified and being a mum felt so far removed from the life I wanted.
My family were supportive. My boyfriend really struggled, but we're ok now.
And I'm not saying it's easy, but for me it's not been as difficult as people made out!

Mrsglitterfairy · 09/06/2017 21:56

I first fell pregnant at 18 and didn't keep the baby. Took me a long time to get over it although it was 100% the right decision at the time and if I could go back I would do the same. I wasn't with the father, was very immature, lived at home, no secure job etc.....
My oldest DS was planned and I was 21 when I fell pregnant with him.

Lasagnabreath · 09/06/2017 22:00

That's how I felt and I don't regret it. The only thing I regret was not have enough time just be and my partner before a baby came into the picture. You sound like you have had plenty of alone time so I'd say based on your response go for it. Enjoy every minute.

happy2bhomely · 09/06/2017 22:00

I was 16. First boyfriend. Unplanned. I was heavily pressured to not go ahead with the pregnancy. My head told me no. I was stupid and selfish and brave. I went with my heart.

Almost 18 years later, he is almost 17. I married his dad and we have 4 more children.

Nowhere near as hard as I feared. I was as sure as I could be at the time and I did what was right for me.

I look at my son and I'm now sure that I did what was right for him too. I'm proud of him and I'm proud of us.

My baby was unplanned but he was never unwanted.

I hope you are ok.

needsomesunshineandwine · 09/06/2017 22:03

17 and had baby at 18! Wouldn't change them for the world.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/06/2017 22:06

19, unplanned. I had only been with DP for a couple of months and I was finishing my first year of uni.

DD is 3 1/2 now and completely gorgeous. DP and I are getting married next year and he is my 'the one'.

Mandraki · 09/06/2017 22:10

Am 27 and expecting baby number 1. She was planned (although didn't expect it to happen so fast!).

Haudyerwheesht · 09/06/2017 22:11

24, planned. Awful oregnancy but worth it.

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